A&H

Need tips for talking to players

R

Ref Luca

New Member
Hello all!

As a generally new referee (started in October) I find it really useful listening to other refs.

So I was just wondering if anyone had any sort of 'one liners' or quick responses to quickly explain something to a player. Or even to calm someone down.

Not sure if I have explained this right.

Thanks
 
The Referee Store
Ref Luca said:
Hello all!

As a generally new referee (started in October) I find it really useful listening to other refs.

So I was just wondering if anyone had any sort of 'one liners' or quick responses to quickly explain something to a player. Or even to calm someone down.

Not sure if I have explained this right.

Thanks
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When I was on my course, one of the old timers was coming back after not reffing for like 10 years and he told me this for when a player gives you flacks,
"Mate I don't say you that was a **** pass, so don't disrespect me, this is how it works"
Mind you I have never used it as the players would go ape **** if I used it
 
Sometimes we see different things
You know I try to see everything
I can only give what I can see
I am not going to guess. You don’t want me to guess.
I can’t help you if you stand at the back with your hand in the air.
I’ll always try to communicate my decision but the constant arguing has to stop.
If I got that one wrong, of course I am sorry but for me it looked a clear goal kick.
Next time you can do better with the throw in because I really don’t want give a foul throw.
I’ve seen it, carry on.
Go on.
Nothing there.
Not enough for me.
Try and play the ball
Watch the hands
Get up.
You OK?
Carry on.
My assistant has the best view so I think we got this one right.
Look it’s a basic foul for me. Get on with it.
I have to warn you now, stay here, listen, this is not about you and me, it’s for everyone watching.


All this is stuff I have cribbed from better referees, great to hear really experienced talented colleagues on comms.

And don’t say: next time it’s a card; well it’s an orange card ;)
 
santa sangria said:
Sometimes we see different things
You know I try to see everything
I can only give what I can see
I am not going to guess. You don’t want me to guess.
I can’t help you if you stand at the back with your hand in the air.
I’ll always try to communicate my decision but the constant arguing has to stop.
If I got that one wrong, of course I am sorry but for me it looked a clear goal kick.
Next time you can do better with the throw in because I really don’t want give a foul throw.
I’ve seen it, carry on.
Go on.
Nothing there.
Not enough for me.
Try and play the ball
Watch the hands
Get up.
You OK?
Carry on.
My assistant has the best view so I think we got this one right.
Look it’s a basic foul for me. Get on with it.
I have to warn you now, stay here, listen, this is not about you and me, it’s for everyone watching.


All this is stuff I have cribbed from better referees, great to hear really experienced talented colleagues on comms.

And don’t say: next time it’s a card; well it’s an orange card ;)
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Thanks so much for this. I will try and remember as much as I can!
 
It will come more naturally as you do more games and get more experienced. When I started I really struggled to speak with players, but now I'm very comfortable with it and even on the front foot in terms on starting the discussions.
 
Refereeing is an extension of you as a person.
What works for one person, wont work for the next, due to us all being different
Experience is the only factor.
its gotta come from you, or else its false and diluted.
 
Anubis said:
Refereeing is an extension of you as a person.
What works for one person, wont work for the next, due to us all being different
Experience is the only factor.
its gotta come from you, or else its false and diluted.
Click to expand...
But getting tips helps. I've picked up loads of stuff just from listening to other refs. I think, hey, that would work for me and take that into my game.
The way it's used, delivered that comes from the individual but thers is little harm in getting ideas on where to start.
 
JamesL said:
But getting tips helps. I've picked up loads of stuff just from listening to other refs. I think, hey, that would work for me and take that into my game.
The way it's used, delivered that comes from the individual but thers is little harm in getting ideas on where to start.
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I was alluding to the other poster saying he did not feel he could get away with what the other ref used.

yes, of course there are thousands of lines passed down through the ranks. Its just a word of caution to pick and choose them tactfully, a newbie trying to undermine or be wide with the veteran centre half is not going to end well, whereas the centre half hearing the same line delivered from an older head might well do the trick
 
Anubis said:
I was alluding to the other poster saying he did not feel he could get away with what the other ref used.

yes, of course there are thousands of lines passed down through the ranks. Its just a word of caution to pick and choose them tactfully, a newbie trying to undermine or be wide with the veteran centre half is not going to end well, whereas the centre half hearing the same line delivered from an older head might well do the trick
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I have a feeling you are talking about my post. And yes I would never use what he would use in a match because of how direct it is. But I have gotten other extremely good things from listening to referees.

One I use is:
'Ref how'd you miss that', "Mate I don't have eyes in the back of my head".
Even though I try to scan the pitch its hard when focusing on everything and then looking for offsides with non-neutral assistants

Other is just to be stubborn if people are complaining about your decision and then if needs be explain to the player why the decision has gone through.
 
Kref said:
I have a feeling you are talking about my post. And yes I would never use what he would use in a match because of how direct it is. But I have gotten other extremely good things from listening to referees.

One I use is:
'Ref how'd you miss that', "Mate I don't have eyes in the back of my head".
Even though I try to scan the pitch its hard when focusing on everything and then looking for offsides with non-neutral assistants

Other is just to be stubborn if people are complaining about your decision and then if needs be explain to the player why the decision has gone through.
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The guy also probably uses this...

" your on as a sub for a team losing 5-0 mate, not sure you are very well placed to be shouting at me cos i got a throw in wrong"
 
Anubis said:
The guy also probably uses this...

" your on as a sub for a team losing 5-0 mate, not sure you are very well placed to be shouting at me cos i got a throw in wrong"
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Yeah the guy who gave the tips was like 60-70 (not saying that's bad), but he hadn't refereed in like 10 years and he'd done his course back in the day. At first when I heard those tips I was like 'Wow so useful'. But not with nearly 2 seasons under my belt its a nope for me. I actually don't even know if he's still refffing as I've never seen his name on any fixtures or maybe he switched county.

My advice is list to level 4/5/6s in your FA as they give could pointers. Like in recent match for Semi county cup as AR one of the level 5s and another visiting level 5 gave me some greater pointers like properly signaling or the standard phrase of 'I had an unobscured view of the foul being committed' and this wins every time.
 
Yeah, you can use the above as guides but it has to sound natural coming out of your mouth and fit in with your overall style of refereeing (at least once you develop that!).

For example, my general approach is to try and be calm and super-professional - even if I could think of suitable "zingers" to shut down dissent, it would clash with everything else I've been doing in the game up to that point. So the phrases I use are much more in line with what @santa sangria has written than anything else in the thread, always delivered at slowly and not shouting unnecessarily*. Trying to bring the overall temperature and speed of the game down without being deliberately evasive.

The responses will come as you develop a style, and you'll pick up things you like (and don't like) from running lines with other refs. If you're not doing lines, get on that ASAP and don't be afraid to see a ref doing something and think "nah, I can't pull that off" or even "oooh, I don't like the way he dealt with that". The exact words will come with practice and experience, think about the style and approach more consciously first would be my suggestion.


*Am I making the comment for the sake of an individual player, or is it for everyone else to hear? Bellowing everything at full volume doesn't help distinguish between general statements and when you're trying to interact with an individual. If the latter, it can escalate to a screaming match - so instead, if someone's shouting at me I want to be quieter than them and use neutral body language so it's clear they're being antagonistic and I'm not responding in kind.
 
For me there are 3 factors in communicating with players:

1) What you communicate (what message am I wanting to get across? What value does that message add to how I'm running the game?)
2) How you communicate (body language, tone of voice, word in passing or pulling a player out to talk to them)
3) When you communicate (at what point do I feel it's appropriate)

Personally I think that often point 3 gets forgotten about. One of the things I see with new refs is that they only tend to communicate when they are challenged by a player and therefore they are doing it almost from a defensive position.

I found an easy win is to be vocal at throw ins. Simple 'just by the floodlight for the throw please number 3' followed by a 'great thanks' when they've delivered it from where you've asked helps your match control incredibly.

In this instance:

What - you are telling the player where you want the throw in taken from
How - Its done in a really polite, non confrontational manner and you tag on an acknowledgement that they've done what you asked with the 'thanks' afterwards
When - at the throw in, 99% of throw ins are not contentious, therefore you're subtly asserting your authority on the game without being aggressive.

Some other ones I may or may not use:

Lots of pushing and pulling at a corner - delivered before the corner is taken - 'Lads (I mostly do men's football, insert other genders in here if applicable), it's Saturday afternoon football, not WWE, let's give it a rest and keep it clean in there please'

Two players having a bit of a scuffle (no cards needed) - 'There's not much in that, but you've both made a bit more out of it than you need to. You're on my radar now, so I'd suggest you sort it out before I really need to get involved'

Just for @Max2 (as I know it's his favourite) - When sending off a totally obnoxious manager from the technical area - 'Cheerio'

As always, context and game temperature is important, trying to be too clever in comments to players or managers can easily backfire on you. I've got one manager on the league I'm on that I've tried all approaches with to get him to behave, the only one I've found to work is go and give him a card the moment he starts and follow it up with another if he carries on - banter, a firm word, reasoning with him, none of those approaches have worked for me with him, however I know other referees who can manage him in a different way.
 
Justylove said:
For me there are 3 factors in communicating with players:

1) What you communicate (what message am I wanting to get across? What value does that message add to how I'm running the game?)
2) How you communicate (body language, tone of voice, word in passing or pulling a player out to talk to them)
3) When you communicate (at what point do I feel it's appropriate)

Personally I think that often point 3 gets forgotten about. One of the things I see with new refs is that they only tend to communicate when they are challenged by a player and therefore they are doing it almost from a defensive position.

I found an easy win is to be vocal at throw ins. Simple 'just by the floodlight for the throw please number 3' followed by a 'great thanks' when they've delivered it from where you've asked helps your match control incredibly.

In this instance:

What - you are telling the player where you want the throw in taken from
How - Its done in a really polite, non confrontational manner and you tag on an acknowledgement that they've done what you asked with the 'thanks' afterwards
When - at the throw in, 99% of throw ins are not contentious, therefore you're subtly asserting your authority on the game without being aggressive.

Some other ones I may or may not use:

Lots of pushing and pulling at a corner - delivered before the corner is taken - 'Lads (I mostly do men's football, insert other genders in here if applicable), it's Saturday afternoon football, not WWE, let's give it a rest and keep it clean in there please'

Two players having a bit of a scuffle (no cards needed) - 'There's not much in that, but you've both made a bit more out of it than you need to. You're on my radar now, so I'd suggest you sort it out before I really need to get involved'

Just for @Max2 (as I know it's his favourite) - When sending off a totally obnoxious manager from the technical area - 'Cheerio'

As always, context and game temperature is important, trying to be too clever in comments to players or managers can easily backfire on you. I've got one manager on the league I'm on that I've tried all approaches with to get him to behave, the only one I've found to work is go and give him a card the moment he starts and follow it up with another if he carries on - banter, a firm word, reasoning with him, none of those approaches have worked for me with him, however I know other referees who can manage him in a different way.
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This is solid gold advice. Really great for self analysis.
 
I like putting player back in their box, but that is something I have only been able to do as I got older and more experienced. A player in a contrib game asked me if I was doing a game tomorrow (Sunday) as that was more my level, to which I replied "yes, I am doing a live televised game, which Sunday league are you playing in?". He had absolutely no come back for that, and it got a few laughs even from his own team mates, but it is a risky tactic that you need to be very confident to use.

I remember being on the line for a contrib game where a particular player was on the referee's back all game, and told him he was sh!t after giving him a free kick on the edge of area, I assume he wanted a card. The same player took the free kick and put it over the stand and into orbit, the referee as he ran past him said, loud enough for everyone to hear "who's sh!t now then" 😂
 
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