The Ref Stop

Manager v parent

Butercup

Butercup

New Member
Hi,
Asking this for my 14 year old son who had this incident at his u10 game today. One of the opposing teams parent was being very sarcastic to the home manager in the end the manager went across the pitch to confront him. In the end the opposing team manager had to come across to calm the situation. He knows if spectators are abusive to him he can stop the game and ask the team manager to get them to be removed .He knows he could have booked the manager for coming onto the field of play but what could we have done about the spectator as the was no offence to my son. Would appreciate some advice on what he could have done. Thanks in advance.
 
The Ref Stop
He can ask the home club to manage the behaviour of any of the spectators, home or away. Some clubs have a respect steward to do this.

If the behaviour doesn't improve he can pause the game either until behaviour improves or the spectator is removed or leaves. Ultimate call is abandoning the game.
 
Sounds like your son handled this quite well.

Majority of advice on here is to ignore spectators/parents at all costs and that is something that I have learnt to do, especially at older age and open age fixtures. However, personally, if it were me and I was officiating an u10s game, due to the fact it is development football - I would probably have to step in here and have a word with the spectator - something along the lines of (in front of witnesses) ‘if you can’t stop being so negative I am going to have to stop the game until you leave the area’. I don’t advise your son does this being 14 but I don’t think personally I would be able to stand by and let that happen.

I usually find stepping in at the first point of a comment is useful rather than letting it play out. Perhaps your son could have stopped the game earlier and spoken to the manager before the manager felt it necessary to come into the pitch to remonstrate. Not restarting the game until the manager had spoken to the parent. Sometimes a team have a respect official as well, whose duty it is to do this!

It’s such a shame that we live in a society where people feel the need to turn up to a 10 year-olds game and argue in front of them over a game of football.
 
Local expectations matter, but especially when the ref is a youth in youth games, I would recommend not engaging directly with parents. If there isn’t a site administrator, make the coach deal with it. “Coach, I need you to talk to your parents. what the guy in the red hat is yelling isn’t acceptable.” And that becomes, “Coach, the guy in the red hat needs to leave. The game won’t restart until he does.” And say it loud enough so other parents hear it, as they will often help,shame the person into leaving. In youth games where I have directed a coach to make an obnoxious parent leave, more than half the time I have been thanked by other parents from the same team. That obnoxious parent was ruining the experience for the kids on his own team.
 
Well I had to follow my own advice this afternoon. Parent of away team shouting across the pitch at the home CAR. Deteriorated quite rapidly into foul language. Bearing in mind this was an U14 game, I went to the home coach. He asked me if I wanted him to have a word and ask him to be quiet, but said no, I would like him removed from the area. If he had just been shouting, but given it was OFFINABUS language to my CAR I wanted him gone.

The parent started shouting at me asking why and I just said that I had explained everything to the coach, that I will not be having a conversation with him, and that we will not be restarting until he had left the area.

Coach was great and lots of thanks from both the home and away parents.
 
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Viridis1886 said:
Well I had to follow my own advice this afternoon. Parent of away team shouting across the pitch at the home CAR. Deteriorated quite rapidly into foul language. Bearing in mind this was an U14 game, I went to the home coach. He asked me if I wanted him to have a word and ask him to be quiet, but said no, I would like him removed from the area. If he had just been shouting, but given it was OFFINABUS language to my CAR I wanted him gone.

The parent started shouting at me asking why and I just said that I had explained everything to the coach, that I will not be having a conversation with him, and that we will not be restarting until he had left the area.

Coach was great and lots of thanks from both the home and away parents.
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If you haven't already you need to report this, it is very close to being a safeguarding children issue.
 
RustyRef said:
If you haven't already you need to report this, it is very close to being a safeguarding children issue.
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I emailed my RDO earlier to ask how they would like it reported. What's the standard format - via WGS?
 
I was told in my youth leagues to warn the team manager to control the behaviour of his teams parents, and if no improvement caution or send off the manager depending on the nature of abuse.
 
mctones said:
I was told in my youth leagues to warn the team manager to control the behaviour of his teams parents, and if no improvement caution or send off the manager depending on the nature of abuse.
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Not sure that's right - what part of the law justifies sanctioning a manager for the behaviour of people who are not team officials?

I think the correct course of action is what @Viridis1886 did - you get a warning message to the offender(s) and if they don't desist, another message that the game will not continue until they leave the area.
 
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Peter Grove said:
Not sure that's right - what part of the law justifies sanctioning a manager for the behaviour of people who are not team officials?

I think the correct course of action is what @Viridis1886 did - you get a warning message to the offender(s) and if they don't desist, another message that the game will not continue until they leave the area.
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A bit tenuous I know, but perhaps it would fall under “Where an offence is committed and the offender cannot be identified, the senior team coach present in the technical area will receive the sanction.”

I have seen it work, and it is a far better outcome than the young kids having their entire game of footy abandoned.
 
mctones said:
A bit tenuous I know, but perhaps it would fall under “Where an offence is committed and the offender cannot be identified, the senior team coach present in the technical area will receive the sanction.”
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Thought that only applied where a coach or sub in the Technical Area was the offender.

If it works, then maybe it's a good idea 🤷
 
That’s why I say tenuous! I agree it is probably not in LOTG, and if our games had actual technical areas, spectators separate from team officials and substitutes, then it would be an even harder sell. But unfortunately it is not like that, we are often on public parks with one melee on one side of the pitch and opposition melee on the other side.

I should add it doesn’t work on all occasions, but what you do have is a bit more of a graduation, yellow to red to stop play to abandon.
 
@Butercup - sounds like your lad handled it well. Coach shouldn't have walked across the pitch to confront (you have to be better than that as the coach) and whilst your lad could have carded for him, I wouldn't criticise him whether he chose to or not.

@Viridis1886 - well done. If there's that one parent who's being difficult, most other parents hate it but understandably don't like getting involved, so are invariably grateful if there's an intervention by the Respect Steward or coach, whether prompted by the referee or not.
 
mctones said:
A bit tenuous I know, but perhaps it would fall under “Where an offence is committed and the offender cannot be identified, the senior team coach present in the technical area will receive the sanction.”

I have seen it work, and it is a far better outcome than the young kids having their entire game of footy abandoned.
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That all depends.
If you dismiss a coach who has a duty of care to their players (notwithstanding a possible 1st Aid responsibility?) and send them away then it potentially opens up a whole can of worms for yourself and that game as a whole. What if there's only one coach?
 
Kes said:
That all depends.
If you dismiss a coach who has a duty of care to their players (notwithstanding a possible 1st Aid responsibility?) and send them away then it potentially opens up a whole can of worms for yourself and that game as a whole. What if there's only one coach?
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We teach new referees that if there is only the one responsible adult with the team, they tell the manager/coach that they are being sent off, but in view of child protection they may stay near the touchline if they behave. Tell them that if there is any further misconduct it will be reported separately and may result in abandonment of the game.
As others have said you cannot sanction the coach/manager for spectator behaviour.
 
ChasObserverRefDeveloper said:
We teach new referees that if there is only the one responsible adult with the team, they tell the manager/coach that they are being sent off, but in view of child protection they may stay near the touchline if they behave. Tell them that if there is any further misconduct it will be reported separately and may result in abandonment of the game.
As others have said you cannot sanction the coach/manager for spectator behaviour.
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Not a fan of letting them stay, especially when a new/young ref has to decide if they are actually behaving (which they should have been doing since the start of the match!). IMO, abandoning is a more effective deterrent. Yes, the kids suffer that day, but it does help change behavior.

(One of the leagues has a coach dismissal=immediate forfeit rule. Originally it only applied to head coaches, but some of the knuckleheads tried to avoid that by officially being the assistant, so the rule changed to all coaches. While it puts extra pressure on the R deciding to toss a coach, combined with the league aggressively backing up Rs who send off coaches, it combined to significantly change behavior in the league.)
 
Butercup said:
Hi,
Asking this for my 14 year old son who had this incident at his u10 game today. One of the opposing teams parent was being very sarcastic to the home manager in the end the manager went across the pitch to confront him. In the end the opposing team manager had to come across to calm the situation. He knows if spectators are abusive to him he can stop the game and ask the team manager to get them to be removed .He knows he could have booked the manager for coming onto the field of play but what could we have done about the spectator as the was no offence to my son. Would appreciate some advice on what he could have done. Thanks in advance.
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I would advise that your son gets access to and reads the league rules relating to conduct on the sidelines. Most junior leagues that I know stipulate the responsibilities of the team manager in relation to managing the sidelines (parents), it's useful having that knowledge when talking to managers when a parent is stepping out of line. 'Manager, as you may be aware under the league rules, you are required to manage your line'.

This can be done in a non-condescending manner but does in my experience, work well and saves me engaging in those difficult conversations with parents that you just won't win.
 
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