A&H

Looking for advice on dealing with irate coaches

Status
Not open for further replies.

smpsjs

New Member
Refereed an U14 girls friendly today where I didn’t give a penalty to one of the teams. Attacker came into the area with the ball at her feet and defender came in from the side. Attacker got the ball trapped under her feet and fell over the ball. Defender got contact on the ball as the attacker was already on her way down. I was in a good position and had a clear view of the whole thing. What got to me was the coach who then proceeded to ask what I was playing at and that it was a nailed on penalty, he was right up by the halfway line . He wouldn’t keep quiet about it so I warned him that he was treading a fine line and I wouldn’t put up with it. I even offered to explain to him at half time why it wasn’t a penalty but he wouldn’t have it. How do people deal with this kind of thing in their own head as I felt that the way he was then affected me and my approach to the game from that point as it then seemed he wasn’t happy with any decision I gave.
 
The Referee Store
Some may say different, but when I was in a similar situation, with an alleged handball, and a coach was arguing the decision from the touchline, I waited until the next break in play, I stopped the re-start and approached him and explained how I had seen it from 5 yards away as opposed to his view from 30 yards away.
Although he didn't agree he didn't continue to argue as I put my view across to him.

After the game he accepted we had different angles on the incident and shook hands, even though he was still claiming he believed it was a handball and penalty,
 
Refereed an U14 girls friendly today where I didn’t give a penalty to one of the teams. Attacker came into the area with the ball at her feet and defender came in from the side. Attacker got the ball trapped under her feet and fell over the ball. Defender got contact on the ball as the attacker was already on her way down. I was in a good position and had a clear view of the whole thing. What got to me was the coach who then proceeded to ask what I was playing at and that it was a nailed on penalty, he was right up by the halfway line . He wouldn’t keep quiet about it so I warned him that he was treading a fine line and I wouldn’t put up with it. I even offered to explain to him at half time why it wasn’t a penalty but he wouldn’t have it. How do people deal with this kind of thing in their own head as I felt that the way he was then affected me and my approach to the game from that point as it then seemed he wasn’t happy with any decision I gave.
It's just football
Very difficult, especially for young referees, to handle confrontation like that you've reported
Even if you didn't issue and sanctions (yellows/reds), you can still report the behaviour to the league. If the league is well run, they ought to weeding these morons out of youth football
From your perspective, you're now better for the experience, even if it was unpleasant. Think about how you can distance yourself from the incident emotionally but also consider what you might do differently next time. Don't dismiss the incident without learning from it, but don't dwell on it for too long. Just give it the right amount of thinking time, the Goldilocks zone!
 
Some coaches you can calm down with a word or a stare. Others will need to see the plastic—they figure what they are doing is OK if you haven’t cautioned them. As other have said, reading this is something that comes with experience.
 
Definitely yellow at least in that situation for leaving the technical area. Follow that with a reminder that, if you had considered what he was saying to be dissent he would be leaving - leaving the technical area to dissent is a send off.

It is certainly daunting though. Just be confident in your decisions and remember that the way you deal with coaches is about following the laws and match control - it is not personal, at least from your end.
 
A lot of it is just passion, not personal so make your decision and forget it. If the coach confronts your at half time, it's an easy red. It can be good to take time out of the game to explain your decisions but you'd never get home if yo did that each time.

What can be effective as others have said is to stop the game at the next stoppage, walk over to the coach and explain that you made your decision which was correct, you ain't going to change your mind and that you shouldn't have to stop the game to explain to him.

Coaches normally realise when the game has been stopped that they need to stop as every player and everyone on both lines will be looking at him.

It also helps to point out especially at a junior game that you're there to referee the children, not the adults.
 
A couple of things from me. I never accept 'passion', 'heat of the moment', :frustration' or any other excuse for misbaviour towards match officials. It's one of the mains reasons we have this poor cultural of abuse.

Always explain your decision to those who genuinely want to know why you made a decision. Never get into a discussion with anyone who wants to have an argument with you and/or tell you you are wrong. It's easy to tell which one they are.
 
I've developed a "death stare" that I give any coach's or parents that are getting vocal and explain that there constant shouting may well lead to me being distracted and missing an advantage for their team 👍
 
As a newer referee, the advice is always "warn, ask, tell". Yes, he is entitled to his opinions, but as a manager he has to show an example and accept your decision. Warn him to not continue about it; Ask him not to with a Yellow (under the newer rules); and then tell him to go away with a Red - like Mike Dean.

For the more experienced referees :
- "sorry, yes I made a mistake, would you now like the penalty?" or
- "Do you really think your say so is going to make me change my decision. How many times has that worked for you in the past?"

Best think to do is learn to blank out the morons and ignore them. If they say why are you listen to me, you are concentrating on the match.
 
I've developed a "death stare" that I give any coach's or parents that are getting vocal and explain that there constant shouting may well lead to me being distracted and missing an advantage for their team 👍
Paddington had the right idea 1600701266003.png
 
If you go from warn to ask, are you stepping it up a notch or stepping down? I think the advise used to be "ask, tell, remove". But now it's, warn, caution, send off.
 
If you go from warn to ask, are you stepping it up a notch or stepping down? I think the advise used to be "ask, tell, remove". But now it's, warn, caution, send off.
I like the ability to card coaches because it simplifies things. You just treat them exactly the same as you would a player on the pitch - if you'd caution a player for what was said, caution the coach.
 
I like the ability to card coaches because it simplifies things. You just treat them exactly the same as you would a player on the pitch - if you'd caution a player for what was said, caution the coach.

I deal with a lot of clueless coaches. I like that when the yellow comes out, they understand what happened. With ask, tell, expel, many didn't seem to be understand what a "tell" meant, and many referees had trouble effectively doing a "tell," as well. The yellow makes it really clear, and also means that is on the game card in a way that leagues can know how coaches are misbehaving--for youth soccer in particular, I think that is a great thing.
 
I have always been harsher on comments from coaches and managers than players. If they are ranting away on the sidelines it will spread to the players, you need to get on top of it.

Years ago I'd already warned a manager and he then followed me off at half time pointing and gesticulating, so I told him not to come back for the second half. He argued that I couldn't do that, but once I refused to restart until he had gone he got the message. His players had been horrible in the first half, they were good as gold in the second, and since then I've always made sure that I crack down on bad manager behaviour early. Over time managers came to learn they wouldn't get away with it.

If you are feeling ultra confident, I love the story of the referee who went over to a manager and said "move over to make space for me". When he asked what he was talking about the referee said "well that seat obviously has a perfect view of everything so I'll referee from there" ... :). That is only going to end one of two ways though ...!
 
Ha Ha great last line.

As im older than a lot of refs i see (only 44 like) i think i know how to handle the situations more, i do fear for the young refs who have to put up with these coaches but at least know you have the cards to make it easier.

As stated above if its OTT and hes sent off and he refuses then refusing to start the game usually does the trick.

It does make me laugh when an unqualified referee from 50 yards thinks he knows more or than a qualified referee from 15 yards.

Water off a ducks back.
 
A couple of things from me. I never accept 'passion', 'heat of the moment', :frustration' or any other excuse for misbaviour towards match officials. It's one of the mains reasons we have this poor cultural of abuse.

Always explain your decision to those who genuinely want to know why you made a decision. Never get into a discussion with anyone who wants to have an argument with you and/or tell you you are wrong. It's easy to tell which one they are.

Too true. I give coaches/managers one chance to discuss one incident with me at HT or FT - as soon as they start arguing I suggest we talk about it 20 minutes after the game when I'm changed. Any guesses how many have ever taken me up on that?
 
Arguing with players or coaches - avoid it.

I've been with some really good young referees (19-22 type) refereeing challenging mens matches. Something that seems consistent is that there is a reluctance to verbalise quite so much in the game - understandable as confidence grows - compared to the 24+ year olds - but something else - after games when my younger refs have got into post-match "discussions" with coaches/players they have had trouble getting out of it. It has annoyed me - walking 50 yards having the same repeating dialogue about the same handball/penalty.

If you are a young ref, I hope you take confidence... if you've just done 90 minutes, you've just proved you have every right to be there, to show respect and be respected - it's perfectly fine to draw the line "let's stop there, it's not fair on everyone else if I only talk to you"...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top