The best we can possibly hope and aim for, is to have influence on the participants so that games reach a fair conclusion with a minimal amount of fuss as often as possible We can't control this outcome, we can only exert influenceThanks for each of your comments. I've read each of them over the past few days and I appreciate the support. It seems I'm not alone having a game like this and I'm keen to get back on track next week. I won't lie that I have thought "why am I doing this?" and "do I need the hassle when I could be spending the afternoon with my family?" but ultimately the games leading up to this one were enjoyable and I felt a sense of satisfaction. One bad experience won't stop me and I'm determined to improve.
The comments about having a good game by not issueing cards are interesting and has reframed my thinking. I'd have said prior to this experience that a good game outcome would not be dishing out any cards but I now see see a different point of view.
I'm going to try and stop doing players a favour and aiming to manage the game without cards. This lead me down a path to where I found myself at the weekend and without that different way of thinking I couldn't get myself out of that situation.
Thanks once again
A good game, actually a fantastic game, would be one that you personality and your player/game management skills was the reason you did not need to use your cards.I'd have said prior to this experience that a good game outcome would not be dishing out any cards
Sounds like you have bounced back.Small update after yesterday’s game. I tried to keep myself out of trouble and going back to basics as much as I could.
2 yellows, 1 sin bin and 1 yellow to a manager after the game. My tolerance levels were lower, I still copped some grief and low level abuse but my match control wasn’t questioned or lost like it was the previous week.
Thanks for your help and support getting me back on track.
If I was to do that game again I’d have got my cards out, slowed the game down, not allowed the game to be played how I’d want to watch it and cracked down on the dissent
. I referee mainly youth football and I end up trying to ref senior the same as u14
I couldn’t send him off as I didn’t see it.
Well done you for the self-reflection and the effort at making a negative into a positive. You've put a lot in your opening post, but I want to focus on one little thing you wrote that I think deserves more critical reflection.
I don't know that I agree. A lot of referees, even at the professional level, make gut calls from time to time. Howard Webb, famously, regrets not making a gut call in the 2010 World Cup Final when De Jong (?) kicked Xavi Alonso in the chest. He has said as much publicly: sometimes a referee needs to make a gut call. He was certain something happened, he was 80% sure he knew exactly what happened, but he didn't have a clear view. He now believes he should have issued the red card based only on the evidence that surrounded the incident, and I tend to agree with him.
It is a lot easier to rely on the "didn't see it" answer than to make a gut call. A gut call requires more courage because you are, to some degree, jumping into the unknown. But here's the thing: experience and football knowledge will help you here. If you've done, say, 500 matches, you start to get a very good feel for when things aren't right, for when a big thing has happened. When that feeling creeps in, I encourage you to use your football understanding and knowledge to make an educated guess and act accordingly. Any assessor worth their salt, when they ask what the red card was for, and you say "violent conduct, I believe the player kicked out at his opponent" is going to accept it.
This seems, to me, the moment where you really lost control. You can get away with a word instead of a caution, but to miss blatant violent conduct will ruin you unless you have extremely strong man-management skills and personality. Again, look at what it did to Howard Webb in 2010--and he's the definition of man management.
Oh and one other thought: no matter how many mistakes, bad decisions, or otherwise you have made in a match it is never too late to stamp your authority down. When the manager starts to stitch you up and act irresponsibly, he gets sent off. Simple as. You may have let dissent and other things go too far in other incidents in the match, but at some point you have got to put your foot down and say "no more, that's enough."
I had one last year in which an attacker somehow dispossessed the GK (ball in hand) when my back was turnedThat ethos works ..... right up until the point where the player you've dismissed appeals the red card and then at the hearing when the panel ask you what you "saw" you either have to lie, or tell the truth and watch the player get off with it (as well as making yourself look a bit of a spoon?).
That ethos works ..... right up until the point where the player you've dismissed appeals the red card and then at the hearing when the panel ask you what you "saw" you either have to lie, or tell the truth and watch the player get off with it (as well as making yourself look a bit of a spoon?).
I had one last year in which an attacker somehow dispossessed the GK (ball in hand) when my back was turned
As I didn't see the wrongdoing, I allowed the goal. Fortunately, the scoreline meant I didn't get much heat, but I subsequently realized that we don't need to see something to know (with a high degree of certainty) what happened. I should've taken a very safe punt and disallowed the goal.
That said, I'd find it much more difficult to dismiss a player for something I hadn't seen. The circumstances would need to be exceptional
Edit: I should've taken a very safe punt and disallowed the goal..... Or should I say, 'WTF was I doing with my back turned in the first place!'
The best referees get away with their mistakes because they've learned from the same mistakes, made previously either by themselves or someone elseWe all make mistakes. The best referees can get away with their mistakes by managing the situation. The rest of us have to learn from them so we can manage them next time.
Losing control happens, and as referees get more experienced they can usually identify what the event was that caused them to lose control. Sometimes it is out of their control and whatever they had done it would still have happened, sometimes it follows on as a consequence of something they did or didn't do. This is something I've realised more since I started observing, from the side lines you can see things happen that lead to the game changing.
I had it myself a few weeks ago. Nothing had happened all game then the away left back made a lunging foul, my immediate reaction was caution but I talked myself out of it as I didn't feel the game needed it and there wasn't much reaction. With hindsight that was an obvious mistake as the temperature rose massively from that point, and I really had to up my game and use all of my experience to keep a lid on it. Had I cautioned I of course can't know for sure that it would have prevented the temperature rise, but I have to conclude there was a significant chance it would have.
I read this response the other day and I took this advice and apllied it in my game today.Just go out and referee what's in front of you. Circumstances dictate that you might not always enjoy the match. Like @Big Cat said, you have to learn to desensitise yourself sometimes.
Plenty of analogies floating about on this thread ...
I prefer this one:
Don't get strung out about "doing the right thing" - just do the thing right.