The Ref Stop

Hanging up whistle

JBeil

JBeil

Active Member
Finally had enough - twenty minutes into this Sunday's game I was ready to walk off the pitch, I was losing my temper at players and giving them the kind of language they've been on at me all season, and I've realised that the forty bob each week just isn't worth it. I'm 29 next month so it's too late to go anywhere higher, I'm not getting any better, and I'd rather spend the weekend with the dog. I've had this argument with myself four times this season, more than any other, and I think this should have been a dead giveaway. I'm not enjoying it, I'm not much good at it, and there are easier ways to get some exercise and abuse on a sunday morning. Frankly if I was asked I'd tell anyone thinking of getting involved to steer well clear, which is probably more a reflection of me being too crap than anything else. Just turned down AR2 on a playoff final and I don't regret it at all.

Thanks for all the advice over the years and don't let the *******s grind you down.
 
The Ref Stop
JBeil said:
Finally had enough - twenty minutes into this Sunday's game I was ready to walk off the pitch, I was losing my temper at players and giving them the kind of language they've been on at me all season, and I've realised that the forty bob each week just isn't worth it. I'm 29 next month so it's too late to go anywhere higher, I'm not getting any better, and I'd rather spend the weekend with the dog. I've had this argument with myself four times this season, more than any other, and I think this should have been a dead giveaway. I'm not enjoying it, I'm not much good at it, and there are easier ways to get some exercise and abuse on a sunday morning. Frankly if I was asked I'd tell anyone thinking of getting involved to steer well clear, which is probably more a reflection of me being too crap than anything else. Just turned down AR2 on a playoff final and I don't regret it at all.

Thanks for all the advice over the years and don't let the *******s grind you down.
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In later years i have felt this way but come August i have missed it.

Is there any point in having 2 months off and reviewing your feelings?
 
I think that's fair. I've done barely any this season due to a mix of injuries and my wife's work changing and my availability changing as a result and I can't say I've massively missed the bug, but there's always a chance of that changing in August.

Either way, you gain nothing by just lobbing your kit into the nearest canal. Call your season done, shove your kit in a cupboard and see where you are at the end of the summer.
 
It's absolutely not too late to get anywhere higher at 29. I only started when I was 26. You're a level 5 at 28, so pretty much on par.
I don't think it's necessarily a reflection on your ability that you get sh*t off players. I've never seen you referee, so I wouldn't know how good you are or aren't, but we all have games where we get a lot of sh*t off players. If that sh*t is getting to you this much, then only you know the right thing to do, but as said above, there a 2 month break coming up. Use it to make your decision, and even then, there's the option to return to grass roots in later life.
 
I am always sorry to hear when a referee feels like this although I know it is common. Sometimes things just run their course. However, as others have said, a break may help to refresh your enthusiasm. If you decide to continue/return perhaps give some thought to a goal or game standard you want to achieve. It can be mind numbing and dispiriting to go through the motions without something to look forward and aspire to. Refereeing takes a lot of discipline and you really have to love the game and be content to suffer the many challenges of being a referee to want to do it for the long term. Good luck whatever you decide and know you will always be welcome back.
 
JBeil said:
Finally had enough - twenty minutes into this Sunday's game I was ready to walk off the pitch, I was losing my temper at players and giving them the kind of language they've been on at me all season, and I've realised that the forty bob each week just isn't worth it. I'm 29 next month so it's too late to go anywhere higher, I'm not getting any better, and I'd rather spend the weekend with the dog. I've had this argument with myself four times this season, more than any other, and I think this should have been a dead giveaway. I'm not enjoying it, I'm not much good at it, and there are easier ways to get some exercise and abuse on a sunday morning. Frankly if I was asked I'd tell anyone thinking of getting involved to steer well clear, which is probably more a reflection of me being too crap than anything else. Just turned down AR2 on a playoff final and I don't regret it at all.

Thanks for all the advice over the years and don't let the *******s grind you down.
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You have come back to a referee forum to vent about refereeing. So you still have a dog in the fight in you.

You've been on this forum since 2019. That's at least 5 years experience in the refereeing community and you have put the work in and got yourself to level 5.

Maybe have a look at observing or mentoring.

Maybe the bug will return.

Were you going for Level 4? If not maybe setting that out as a goal could be what you need. If so, maybe just go back to what you enjoy, try youth or try vets.
 
This is maybe 3rd or 4th similar themed thread you've posted this season.

I think with the break we get now you could really evaluate whether refereeing is for you and hi ow much you actually enjoy it, weighing up your motivations for refereeing and pros and cons of continuing/leaving for you.

In between wanting to hang up the whistle how do you feel then? Jacking it in after a bad game feels extreme but if you never move far away from that feeling then perhaps that might be your ultimate decision. Lets face it, this decision lies somewhere in all of our destiny. Itn not an IF but rather a WHEN.

Thinking positively, what is that has stopped you after each of the previous feelings of packing in and how can you get more of that? Is it progression you want? Could a promotion season help? Would you enjoy it more acting as an AR more frequently. We have some referees here who exclusively do step 5/6 lines. You would be in a team then and the grief shared.

Or, I think I have suggested before, is a supportive role, mentoring, coaching and observing a better fit for you?
 
JamesL said:
This is maybe 3rd or 4th similar themed thread you've posted this season.
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That was the thing that clinched it for me - if I come off the park feeling like death every weekend, why am I doing it? Three points this season before Sunday I felt like packing it in, and I thought this season with my first as a 5 would be different - it's actually been much worse! What usually happened was I'd have a crap game and then five or six fairly decent ones, whereas this season the good ones come few and far between.

I don't think I'd be of much use as a mentor or coach, and as I've been told the standards for 4s are going up next season I'll have no chance at all of a promotion. The ARs I've done I've not particularly enjoyed, and over time the games where I've felt like I'd done well independent of how the players reacted have gotten rarer, and the ones where I think I've done poorly have gotten more frequent. There's a very specific combination of thick skin and particular skills that refereeing demands and I've just not got it.
 
I would also consider doing less might help. When I was going for 4 I found the experience really gruelling - doing a game most weekends, sometimes two a weekend, often with a midweek in there as well. Once I realised I wasn't getting 4, I started emailing the appointments sec and basically just went "2 games at any point this month please" and found I was enjoying it a lot more.
 
JBeil said:
Finally had enough - twenty minutes into this Sunday's game I was ready to walk off the pitch, I was losing my temper at players and giving them the kind of language they've been on at me all season, and I've realised that the forty bob each week just isn't worth it. I'm 29 next month so it's too late to go anywhere higher, I'm not getting any better, and I'd rather spend the weekend with the dog. I've had this argument with myself four times this season, more than any other, and I think this should have been a dead giveaway. I'm not enjoying it, I'm not much good at it, and there are easier ways to get some exercise and abuse on a sunday morning. Frankly if I was asked I'd tell anyone thinking of getting involved to steer well clear, which is probably more a reflection of me being too crap than anything else. Just turned down AR2 on a playoff final and I don't regret it at all.

Thanks for all the advice over the years and don't let the *******s grind you down.
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Suggestion - try women's football next season, as the atmosphere is different and perhaps will suit you better than men's.
 
ChasObserverRefDeveloper said:
Suggestion - try women's football next season, as the atmosphere is different and perhaps will suit you better than men's.
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I was about to suggest the same. The level of low level moaning is probably about the same, but the level of serious dissent is certainly much less. If that doesn't work, and I don't mean this in a negative way, refereeing might just not be for you. It isn't for everyone, hence why there is such a big turn over every year.
 
As others have said, women's football. A family friend invited me to watch their daughters match in the girls divisions of my league, straight after I'd just refereed a boys match. The difference in serious dissent was massive.
 
@JBeil 40 quid for all that time and commitment just to get all that aggro? No way, not worth it. I wouldn't do it either and I think you're right to quit.

At most, perhaps try women's football as others have suggested. Certainly, the ladies are generally more well behaved and naturally less aggressive.

So, there's a high turnover in reffing. Given conditions like this I'm not surprised.
 
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