A&H

Junior/Youth Another game (again)!

J

Josh the referee

Well-Known Member
Level 7 Referee
I seem to either be extremely unlucky at the moment or I'm doing something wrong. I definitely don't think it's the latter though.

First 10 mins of the game, I ask for a spectator to be removed for the constant abuse I was getting. That definitely set a precedent for those other spectators who I then heard little more from.

About midway through the second half, I award a penalty to the Away Team for what I think is one of the most obvious handballs I'll ever have to give. It's hit his elbow outstretched away from his body, not really sure what else they want me to do. A fair few complaint from the Home Team players but they shut up after I tell them it's nailed on 🤣

Penalty scored and at this point I should've gone over to the Home Team coaches to warn them about their conduct. I didn't until a little while later.

I went over with the intention of just having a stern word with all 3, it ended with me getting absolutely abused and a coach sent off for calling me a "f*****g joke", a "di*****d" and telling me I was "f*****g ruining the game" all whilst he was on the pitch 🤣

He carried on as he walked around the FOP and I just ignored him.

After the game, the Home Team Club linesman came up to me and demanded I explain to him why I gave the penalty. I calmly responded that we weren't having the conversation and he almost refused to give me my flag back. I had to pull it fairly forcefully. He walked off calling me a "p***k".

Got back home to find that it seems as if he's ripped my flag so that's gone into my report to the league and FA. Not sure whether either are able to do anything about it?

Got praised by a few away team parents and it just makes you wonder why some people just can't see things from an unbiased view.

Genuinely thought about giving up refereeing as a whole and I'm still not sure how to continue 🤷🏻‍♂️

EDIT: All in an U13s game I should add
 
The Referee Store
Well done on nailing the spectator 10m in. As has been said on here countless times - allow something to fester and it'll only get worse, so that's clearly positive action from you.

Without seeing the penalty, we won't know - but you sound self assured which is a positive sign. Correct action to dismiss the coach (without a shadow of a doubt), and I would personally have a report separately in about the comments made as he leaves the FoP. Unacceptable at any level, but setting that precedent in front of kids? Nah mate, not for me. Well done on taking decisive action when you needed to!

Normally if you pay for insurance before the season, when you (re)register it covers broken flags. it has for me before certainly. Reporting to the CFA is correct course of action here once again.

Can you see the theme here, correct course of action ;) Sounds like you did pretty well to me!

I always look at it as if I quit, they win and football loses as there's one less official available. You can't apply that to ever situation - certainly not if its having a negative impact on your state of mind, but I'm sure the more experienced folk on here will tell you how to manage those thoughts of giving up.

Well done - keep at it, even in spite of the clueless souls you keep encountering.
 
First thing's first: make sure you're ok mate - don't let the sort of person who'll say such things in an U13 make you give up on something great.

Secondly, I don't know how old you are, or how experienced - but is there any chance of having someone from your CFA coming to watch/mentor you? That might give you a better indication of what's going on.

Of course it could just be a ridiculously bad spell of luck with who you're getting.

Focus on the positives though:

- You've asked for advice before and it seems like you're taking it on board (never easy!)

- You've come back which shows great character

- It sounds like some of the more mature individuals there were appreciative of your performance

I'm sure some of the more experienced guys on here can offer more technical advice, but remember we're all learning and want the best for each other. ♥️
 
RustyRef said:
These are people in charge of U13 children. If the language used was loud and audible by the players then I'd argue there is a child protection issue and a report should be going in.
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I've put in the report with all the language I've referenced above, not sure there's much else I can do?

Emailed the league refs sec and some of the committee and are awaiting a response, obviously hope to get one by tomorrow evening.
 
Josh the referee said:
I've put in the report with all the language I've referenced above, not sure there's much else I can do?

Emailed the league refs sec and some of the committee and are awaiting a response, obviously hope to get one by tomorrow evening.
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You've done your job bloody well by the sounds of it. Brought the game to a safe conclusion, reported misconduct. Sounds like you've done what's asked of you
 
george.g said:
Well done on nailing the spectator 10m in. As has been said on here countless times - allow something to fester and it'll only get worse, so that's clearly positive action from you.

Without seeing the penalty, we won't know - but you sound self assured which is a positive sign. Correct action to dismiss the coach (without a shadow of a doubt), and I would personally have a report separately in about the comments made as he leaves the FoP. Unacceptable at any level, but setting that precedent in front of kids? Nah mate, not for me. Well done on taking decisive action when you needed to!

Normally if you pay for insurance before the season, when you (re)register it covers broken flags. it has for me before certainly. Reporting to the CFA is correct course of action here once again.

Can you see the theme here, correct course of action ;) Sounds like you did pretty well to me!

I always look at it as if I quit, they win and football loses as there's one less official available. You can't apply that to ever situation - certainly not if its having a negative impact on your state of mind, but I'm sure the more experienced folk on here will tell you how to manage those thoughts of giving up.

Well done - keep at it, even in spite of the clueless souls you keep encountering.
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Thank you, really appreciate your support mate 🙏
 
Pwizardo said:
First thing's first: make sure you're ok mate - don't let the sort of person who'll say such things in an U13 make you give up on something great.

Secondly, I don't know how old you are, or how experienced - but is there any chance of having someone from your CFA coming to watch/mentor you? That might give you a better indication of what's going on.

Of course it could just be a ridiculously bad spell of luck with who you're getting.

Focus on the positives though:

- You've asked for advice before and it seems like you're taking it on board (never easy!)

- You've come back which shows great character

- It sounds like some of the more mature individuals there were appreciative of your performance

I'm sure some of the more experienced guys on here can offer more technical advice, but remember we're all learning and want the best for each other. ♥️
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Had a committee member from the league come down and watch earlier this month (plain-clothed as well) and heaped praise upon me. That game had 2 cautions, both nailed on and those are the days I enjoy. Just not enjoyable being abused like today
 
Josh the referee said:
Had a committee member from the league come down and watch earlier this month (plain-clothed as well) and heaped praise upon me. That game had 2 cautions, both nailed on and those are the days I enjoy. Just not enjoyable being abused like today
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I think that's a huge positive to focus on. You're clearly doing well and impressing people with your officiating. You've been on this forum as long as I can remember showing you're keen to develop (which I think this is great for), and you are rather young from memory (not that discredits you as an official in the slightest, I'm not much older!), which means you have so much time ahead of you to progress and develop if you wanted to. Stick with it mate, highs and lows to everything, but think of the times where you blow for FT and have a smile on your face
 
Josh the referee said:
Had a committee member from the league come down and watch earlier this month (plain-clothed as well) and heaped praise upon me. That game had 2 cautions, both nailed on and those are the days I enjoy. Just not enjoyable being abused like today
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The abuse is never nice that's true.

But you don't have to go home and explain to people why you're being fined because you got worked up over a 13 year old game of football.

You finishing the game with a smile (even if you don't feel it), along with reporting them is the best way to get your own back. And it's better someone who can appreciate their strengths does it now, rather than someone who's doing their first game and decides that's their last.

You might not feel great but you're helping a lot of people and improving your own skills as you go :)
 
The main thing is to stand up for yourself when it happens and issue the correct sanctions and you've done that well. I find that difficult games (in terms of abuse) can come along like buses so hopefully you're due a trouble-free stretch now!
 
CaptainsPlease said:
The main thing is to stand up for yourself when it happens and issue the correct sanctions and you've done that well. I find that difficult games (in terms of abuse) can come along like buses so hopefully you're due a trouble-free stretch now!
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I hope so too. Surprisingly, I don't enjoy getting abused. Ironic that the 3 games were all U13s and in that time I've done U14s and U15s with no major trouble 🤷🏻‍♂️
 
Josh the referee said:
I hope so too. Surprisingly, I don't enjoy getting abused. Ironic that the 3 games were all U13s and in that time I've done U14s and U15s with no major trouble 🤷🏻‍♂️
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I don’t know about your side of the pond, but over here I find that parents and coaches can be worse at the younger ages—they don’t know enough, but think they do, and haven’t been cultured into what is acceptable behavior in a kids game.
 
socal lurker said:
I don’t know about your side of the pond, but over here I find that parents and coaches can be worse at the younger ages—they don’t know enough, but think they do, and haven’t been cultured into what is acceptable behavior in a kids game.
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I think you're completely right there, and once they got older it calms down a little with the players maturing more.
 
I switched to Open Age only this year (+ academies cause those games are great) for most of the reasons mentioned above.

80% of the youth games were fine, I just found it exhausting and a little bit embarrassing arguing with kids or a crowd whilst I'm an adult. You sort of get blamed for every injury/challenge.

There will be some silly tackle, some child will be on the floor screaming in pain, and some spectator will be irate that you haven't given the penalty yet cause you're too caught up in treatment (had this exact situation, I ended up just shouting at the spectator for how ludicrous they were being, he apologised to me at the end, I felt stupid, he felt stupid).

A big tip is head over to the coaches, let them know you care about the kids safety first and everything works around that. Have a bit of joke with them, talk with everybody. Let the coaches and the kids know you are approachable.

Also with the kids, explain things. If I give U15 or lower a card, I will bring them in, explain why and explain it is part of the game, same with penalties etc. Try to not make it seem a punishment, but just part of the match and it sort of has to happen. Get the culprit in and just mention, 'that elbow buddy, someone could have scored if you hadn't done that'. Give tips if appropriate 'keep your arms in like this'.

But I had one too many unmanageable (for me) games. That made me think, nah not for me.
 
OldNavyRef said:
I switched to Open Age only this year (+ academies cause those games are great) for most of the reasons mentioned above.

80% of the youth games were fine, I just found it exhausting and a little bit embarrassing arguing with kids or a crowd whilst I'm an adult. You sort of get blamed for every injury/challenge.

There will be some silly tackle, some child will be on the floor screaming in pain, and some spectator will be irate that you haven't given the penalty yet cause you're too caught up in treatment (had this exact situation, I ended up just shouting at the spectator for how ludicrous they were being, he apologised to me at the end, I felt stupid, he felt stupid).

A big tip is head over to the coaches, let them know you care about the kids safety first and everything works around that. Have a bit of joke with them, talk with everybody. Let the coaches and the kids know you are approachable.

Also with the kids, explain things. If I give U15 or lower a card, I will bring them in, explain why and explain it is part of the game, same with penalties etc. Try to not make it seem a punishment, but just part of the match and it sort of has to happen. Get the culprit in and just mention, 'that elbow buddy, someone could have scored if you hadn't done that'. Give tips if appropriate 'keep your arms in like this'.

But I had one too many unmanageable (for me) games. That made me think, nah not for me.
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Yeah I've heard a lot of refs that have switched across to just doing Open Age games because of the similar issues that they found.

Didn't have to card any players in the game because there was only some low-level dissent which I made a point of stamping out. Was more just a shame about the conduct of the adults in front of the children as well and what was said, especially from a close distance away from me.
 
By the sound of it Josh, this coach would have reacted the same way to any referee giving the same decision, it's a culture thing that just won't change and it appears that it is rife throughout that team too. It still amazes me that a coach 100 yards away thinks he is in a more credible position that a qualified referee 10-20 yards away from an incident.

You could have also shown a red card to the CAR at the end as it sounds like they were confronting you after the final whistle.

I would add, I wouldn't forcibly take your flag back as this could escalate. Ask for it back, if they refuse, report that too. Clubs and leagues will take a dim view of that.

Keep going.

At youth football, I find U16 and above is easier to manage despite the players being more competitive. Parents tend to only turn up if they are interested in their child and the game and tend to allow the game to flow and the players do most of the talking. They often have to pay their own fines too so the discipline improves. I'd try older age groups before you try open age.
 
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