The Ref Stop

Junior/Youth Abandonment

M

Matthew

RefChat Addict
As some of the more regular forum users may remember, a few months ago I posted about a manager who, for whatever reason, had a problem with my refereeing and was not shy in telling anybody who would listen. Anyway, I finally reffed the team again this morning and ended up abandoning the game with five minutes to go. Where do I start?

I arrived at the ground and straight away was made to feel uncomfortable. As always, I went to introduce myself to the coaches and both coaches from the team refused to shake my hand....slightly odd, then I asked for a match ball, to which he replied, "it's over there", gesturing towards the net. I thought he might get it, but no, I ended up walking to the other side of the pitch to retrieve the match ball. Petty, childish, nothing unusual with this team. :rolleyes:

From the very first minute, the players were moaning/having a go, but for the first 35 minutes, none of them crossed the line into dissent. Then, after I'd given a free kick, the home captain decided he'd kick the ball away. First caution of the match and after that, I didn't stand a chance. The coaches started up with nonsense like "there's two teams here" and just generally being loud and obnoxious. Spoke to both and asked them to stay quiet. Into the second half and the nonsense continued, two dissent cautions later and another warning for the coaches, the player who had already been booked decided that he'd call me a "f****** joke", so I dismissed him and went to start with an IFK to the away side (correct?). Then from behind me, the dismissed player started to shout abuse, so I walked over and asked for him to be removed from the vicinity. After a lengthly argument and the first threat of abandonment, he finally left.

The coach then started up again a few minutes later, swearing loudly and shouting "you live for this, don't you ref? F****** p****". I walked over again and dismissed the coach, who then, backed up by the other coach who had talked himself into a dismissal too by this point, refused to leave. I explained what would happen should they refuse to leave and both said they were going nowhere, so I was left with no choice but to abandon.

It's worth noting that the away side, who had a player dismissed for VC, with not a single complaint, were completely supportive. I also had parents from the away side come and find me in the car park to check that I was okay.

Seriously, what's the point? These were grown men behaving like children, who had convinced a team of 16 year olds that I was the enemy before I'd even arrived. :mad: Another day that makes me wonder why I bother!

Sorry for the length of the post, but I needed to vent!
 
The Ref Stop
Matthew said:
As some of the more regular forum users may remember, a few months ago I posted about a manager who, for whatever reason, had a problem with my refereeing and was not shy in telling anybody who would listen. Anyway, I finally reffed the team again this morning and ended up abandoning the game with five minutes to go. Where do I start?

I arrived at the ground and straight away was made to feel uncomfortable. As always, I went to introduce myself to the coaches and both coaches from the team refused to shake my hand....slightly odd, then I asked for a match ball, to which he replied, "it's over there", gesturing towards the net. I thought he might get it, but no, I ended up walking to the other side of the pitch to retrieve the match ball. Petty, childish, nothing unusual with this team. :rolleyes:

From the very first minute, the players were moaning/having a go, but for the first 35 minutes, none of them crossed the line into dissent. Then, after I'd given a free kick, the home captain decided he'd kick the ball away. First caution of the match and after that, I didn't stand a chance. The coaches started up with nonsense like "there's two teams here" and just generally being loud and obnoxious. Spoke to both and asked them to stay quiet. Into the second half and the nonsense continued, two dissent cautions later and another warning for the coaches, the player who had already been booked decided that he'd call me a "f****** joke", so I dismissed him and went to start with an IFK to the away side (correct?). Then from behind me, the dismissed player started to shout abuse, so I walked over and asked for him to be removed from the vicinity. After a lengthly argument and the first threat of abandonment, he finally left.

The coach then started up again a few minutes later, swearing loudly and shouting "you live for this, don't you ref? F****** p****". I walked over again and dismissed the coach, who then, backed up by the other coach who had talked himself into a dismissal too by this point, refused to leave. I explained what would happen should they refuse to leave and both said they were going nowhere, so I was left with no choice but to abandon.

It's worth noting that the away side, who had a player dismissed for VC, with not a single complaint, were completely supportive. I also had parents from the away side come and find me in the car park to check that I was okay.

Seriously, what's the point? These were grown men behaving like children, who had convinced a team of 16 year olds that I was the enemy before I'd even arrived. :mad: Another day that makes me wonder why I bother!

Sorry for the length of the post, but I needed to vent!
Click to expand...

I remember the previous post mate, wasn't your first return eventually scuppered by the weather or something after you had mentally prepared?

Make sure you report everything correctly and the abandonment as so. Be clear and concise, and emotionless in the writing of the report to help any potential committee make the right decision and fork out a hefty punishment for such despicable behaviour.

Thankfully people and teams like this are few and far between. If I've had a problem with a team or manager I've never had a problem a second time around, but they were clearly mentally tee'd up for this from the off.

Keep us posted on the developments should there be any.

Chin up lad.
 
You completely did the right thing. Couple of points to consider....

1. Don't go the ball. Set your stall out but in a subtle way. 'Ok cheers fellas, can you get it sent over to me to check when you get a second'.

2. If you know they're going to take the proverbial then don't give them chance. Ask them to pack it in, tell them to pack it in, remove them on next one. If one of them behaves them game goes on, if not then go home early and do the paperwork.

Sound like a pair of Sunday League warriors who didn't play Saturday's because they go and watch their team*.

(*They don't. Unless Soccer Saturday counts. They just never were good enough)
 
Sorry to hear about your experience. It blows my mind how people act - i would think that a coach being sent from a youth match in particular should be a thoroughly embarrassing situation. It really should be.
Darius gave some good advice. Somebody will get the match ball at some point before kickoff. Unfortunately the coach is playing a control game here. You can either bend to his control, you can try to force him to bend to yours, or there's a few options in the middle - like Darius'.
Same with the handshake. The coach has forced you into a lose-lose situation. He's trying to get inside your head at the start - and you have the choice of drawing attention to it, perhaps a friendly 'there aren't going to be any problems today, are there?', or just ignore it. If you make a comment than an idiot like this is probably going to turn that around and whinge that you were out to get him.
If he's going to act like this, then I know where he stands and I'm going to adjust my approach accordingly.
Glad to hear you dismissed them both and sent them off. I would only question whether you may have put up with too much from the coach. After a pathetic show like this before the match, I'd be looking at zero tolerance. The first hint of a dissenting comment, and he's on his 'ask' stage (ask, tell, dismiss is the typical approach for a coach - of course, any of those stages can be missed to go straight to dismissal). When it comes to tell, don't argue, don't discuss. Firmly and calmy advise him that any further dissent will lead to his dismissal - you're not there to tell him how to coach so he shouldn't tell you how to referee. Back up that threat - if he wants to argue it, remind him again firmly that you're not there to discuss, but if he continues to argue he will be dismissed. Follow through if necessary.

As for the player you sent off - who were you arguing with? How was it a lengthy argument? I'd like to hear more about that situation.

IFK restart was correct there, by the way.
 
RegalRef said:
I remember the previous post mate, wasn't your first return eventually scuppered by the weather or something after you had mentally prepared?

Make sure you report everything correctly and the abandonment as so. Be clear and concise, and emotionless in the writing of the report to help any potential committee make the right decision and fork out a hefty punishment for such despicable behaviour.

Thankfully people and teams like this are few and far between. If I've had a problem with a team or manager I've never had a problem a second time around, but they were clearly mentally tee'd up for this from the off.

Keep us posted on the developments should there be any.

Chin up lad.
Click to expand...

Cheers @RegalRef. Yeah, this is actually the third time I've been supposed to ref them this season, but the other two were lost to the weather. As you say, mentally the team had completely lost it before I even arrived, it's a weird attitude and I just cannot understand where it's come from.

Darius said:
You completely did the right thing. Couple of points to consider....

1. Don't go the ball. Set your stall out but in a subtle way. 'Ok cheers fellas, can you get it sent over to me to check when you get a second'.

2. If you know they're going to take the proverbial then don't give them chance. Ask them to pack it in, tell them to pack it in, remove them on next one. If one of them behaves them game goes on, if not then go home early and do the paperwork.

Sound like a pair of Sunday League warriors who didn't play Saturday's because they go and watch their team*.

(*They don't. Unless Soccer Saturday counts. They just never were good enough)
Click to expand...

Thanks @Darius. On reflection, I shouldn't have gone to get the ball, but I didn't want to stoop to their level and it just seemed like the path of least resistance.

CapnBloodbeard said:
Sorry to hear about your experience. It blows my mind how people act - i would think that a coach being sent from a youth match in particular should be a thoroughly embarrassing situation. It really should be.
Darius gave some good advice. Somebody will get the match ball at some point before kickoff. Unfortunately the coach is playing a control game here. You can either bend to his control, you can try to force him to bend to yours, or there's a few options in the middle - like Darius'.
Same with the handshake. The coach has forced you into a lose-lose situation. He's trying to get inside your head at the start - and you have the choice of drawing attention to it, perhaps a friendly 'there aren't going to be any problems today, are there?', or just ignore it. If you make a comment than an idiot like this is probably going to turn that around and whinge that you were out to get him.
If he's going to act like this, then I know where he stands and I'm going to adjust my approach accordingly.
Glad to hear you dismissed them both and sent them off. I would only question whether you may have put up with too much from the coach. After a pathetic show like this before the match, I'd be looking at zero tolerance. The first hint of a dissenting comment, and he's on his 'ask' stage (ask, tell, dismiss is the typical approach for a coach - of course, any of those stages can be missed to go straight to dismissal). When it comes to tell, don't argue, don't discuss. Firmly and calmy advise him that any further dissent will lead to his dismissal - you're not there to tell him how to coach so he shouldn't tell you how to referee. Back up that threat - if he wants to argue it, remind him again firmly that you're not there to discuss, but if he continues to argue he will be dismissed. Follow through if necessary.

As for the player you sent off - who were you arguing with? How was it a lengthy argument? I'd like to hear more about that situation.

IFK restart was correct there, by the way.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice @CapnBloodbeard. Always easy on reflection, but I think I gave both of the coaches one chance too many; I should've dismissed them both a few minutes earlier.

In terms of the player who was sent off, the argument was initially with the player, who said that he couldn't leave the vicinity because his Mum wasn't there and "he's not allowed to talk to strangers", before the coaches continued the argument and insisted that he was allowed to stand behind the goal. This went on for about a minute before the threat of abandonment got him to head to the car park.
 
Fair enough. What age was this? Given he had continued to abuse you, he's forced your hand on enforcing his removal from the vicinity. Glad you stuck to your guns after the ridiculous 'mum's not here' excuse.
 
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