The Ref Stop

Lack of enjoyment

Gabriel

Gabriel

Serial whistler
Level 7 Referee
Hi all, just wanted some advice/encouragement please. I’m in my second season as an official now, and I had an U14 cup game this morning. Before today, I had enjoyed every single game I’d officiated, including ones where people had abused me, as I just tend to shake it off. For some reason, I came home from a good game this morning, and realised I absolutely hated being on the pitch this morning. I’ve got no idea why, as I went largely unnoticed (with the exception of 2 nailed on pens) but I just didn’t enjoy myself. I’m thinking of taking a few weeks off to see if I’m really up to it but I’m not sure what the best way to deal with this is. What do you think is the best course of action for this? (If this has happened to you before and you’re still going, please tell me how you dealt with it!)
 
The Ref Stop
You are allowed to not enjoy every game :D

I suggest to do a couple more and see if the U14 was just the odd one that was due. If you feel the same after a couple more then maybe taking some time off is a good idea.
 
By your own admission you've enjoyed refereeing up to now. There must be a reason(s) you didnt enjoy today(?)
Analyse that, maybe share it on here and then go from there ... ;) 👍
 
Kes said:
There must be a reason(s) you didnt enjoy today(?)
Analyse that, maybe share it on here and then go from there ... ;) 👍
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I honestly don’t know why I didn’t enjoy today. I didn’t hear a peep from spectators, players, or coaches. Both sides went home happy. I might do what @one suggested and stick it out for a few more and see if it was just a blip. It was just so random when I didn’t enjoy it.
 
Gabriel said:
I didn’t hear a peep from spectators, players, or coaches. Both sides went home happy.
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This might be your answer.

Sounds like the game didn't challenge you aka boring.

The below excerpt I think confirms that view.
Gabriel said:
. Before today, I had enjoyed every single game I’d officiated, including ones where people had abused me, as I just tend to shake it off.
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Seems to me like when you're under pressure you enjoy the game more. Think this is the kind of mental fortitude you need as a ref.
 
Don’t make a decision on short or long term leave until at least tomorrow.

If every day was enjoyable they wouldn’t have to pay you.
 
Perhaps seek to understand what external factor(s) may be affecting your enjoyment as there doesn’t seem to be any cause directly related to this game. It is true that enthusiasm waxes and wanes over the seasons and even by game but it does seem strange for it to be so acute in your second season when there is no obvious game trigger. As others have said avoid rash decisions, sit with the feeling, and see if a the next few games (or a break if you prefer) leads you to a more enthusiastic place. One thing to ponder is whether you feel like you should be somewhere else rather than dedicating your time to this pursuit. I know of other referees who told me that this was when they knew it was time for them to move on. Hopefully, this is just a blip, and it all works out for you so that you can continue on your refereeing journey.
 
Hey mate, sorry to hear you’re having a blip. Think we’ve all been there after a game where something just feels off, or you’re just not in the zone, but that’s the joy of a place like this forum and having a good bunch of colleagues on WhatsApp to blow some steam off or have a bit of banter.

Don’t burn any bridges, but if you think a week or two off would help - go for it. No one will think any less of you, and it won’t harm any prospects by just telling your appts sec that you’re a bit burned out. Can sometimes feel like that when you’re trundling along doing the same types of games in a rut. Can be lonely out there, despite the constant clamours for our attention. Those plum games will come.

In the past, I know I’ve lost motivation and there was no real reason behind it. Just felt a yard off the pace, and like my heart wasn’t in it for a while. Closed three weeks, and on the second Saturday I went and watched a local game, and that helped. Still felt involved, but got to switch off for a bit.

Have you got a coach, mentor, or a good mate you can watch next weekend? I’d offer myself but you’re bloody miles away 😂
 
Hi all, thanks for all the input. I really appreciate it. By complete coincidence, I don't have any fixtures next week so I have a weekend off regardless. I do, however, have an OA line the following weekend, followed by 3 academy tournaments at Wolves in October half term. I have decided I will still do those games, and not force any longer off. If I'm not sure after those games, I'll give it another thought, but to be honest, I'm really hoping I enjoy these ones.
JamesL said:
This might be your answer.

Sounds like the game didn't challenge you aka boring.

The below excerpt I think confirms that view.
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Always @JamesL that has the best answer. 😂 That probably is the cause, so I'll see how the next few games go.
FirsFox40 said:
Have you got a coach, mentor, or a good mate you can watch next weekend? I’d offer myself but you’re bloody miles away 😂
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I haven't got a coach or mentor (I am constantly bothering my CFA about sorting one though!), but there are absolutely loads of games every week near me so I'll probably pop down to one for a bit and see what happens.
 
Gabriel said:
Hi all, thanks for all the input. I really appreciate it. By complete coincidence, I don't have any fixtures next week so I have a weekend off regardless. I do, however, have an OA line the following weekend, followed by 3 academy tournaments at Wolves in October half term. I have decided I will still do those games, and not force any longer off. If I'm not sure after those games, I'll give it another thought, but to be honest, I'm really hoping I enjoy these ones.

Always @JamesL that has the best answer. 😂 That probably is the cause, so I'll see how the next few games go.

I haven't got a coach or mentor (I am constantly bothering my CFA about sorting one though!), but there are absolutely loads of games every week near me so I'll probably pop down to one for a bit and see what happens.
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Start building relationships with referees you are running the line too. Some good folks out there always willing to help
 
JamesL said:
Start building relationships with referees you are running the line too. Some good folks out there always willing to help
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This is something I always try and do, but in my 5 lines so far I’ve been with the same 2 officials on 4 of them, and both are currently injured, hence why I’m not watching them.
 
JamesL said:
Start building relationships with referees you are running the line too. Some good folks out there always willing to help
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Oh this 100%. I’m always whatsapping the weekend after we’ve been out together, just touching base, asking how the next one went. It’s genuinely so helpful for your mental health - makes you feel part of the family, checking in on your mates etc.

Not all of them obviously. The Isle of Wight lot are a weird bunch 👀 😂
 
Gabriel said:
This is something I always try and do, but in my 5 lines so far I’ve been with the same 2 officials on 4 of them, and both are currently injured, hence why I’m not watching them.
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If you build the relationships, you want them coming to watch you………Watching them will help to a point, but ideally they’d watch you
 
I think a lot depends why you ref. For sure ive had times Im.not enjoying it usually corrolated with lack of colleague support, the lonliness of it all, often abuse threats violence, intimidation, maybe reflecting on a mistake made but for me, the worst is not feeling supported by fellow refs e.g. assistant but rather than dealwith a troublesome coach lets shift the assistant ref to the opposite side away from dugouts or a league that are judgmental and i get sick of having to explan why i choose a game on pitch next to another pitch you'd rather I ref that game.

I dont apologise for having a life and perhaps neededing slightly shorter game time earlier ko etc and yeah thats why im on pitch 1 not 2. Trust me im sick.of hacing to judtify why i can and cant ref certain matches.

I hope you find enjoymemt again. Good luck.
 
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Hi all, I just wanted to say thanks for all the encouragement that was sent on here. I have an OA line this afternoon so I’m back at it, and I’m really looking forward to it (last week I really missed it!). I’m with 2 officials I haven’t worked with before as well, which means it’s also a great opportunity to get some pointers from people who haven’t seen me officiate before. Thanks again for the encouragement (I’ll try and update with post match feelings later or tomorrow)
 
Pleased to say the match went well, finished 9-0 to the away side so not too much pressure although there were still a few players and spectators enjoying making life difficult for us. I think that proves that it was just a boring game last time out that caused me to think I hadn't enjoyed it. The ref gave a penalty to the away side in the first half, which was a spot on decision, and I must have put the flag up for offsides about 10 times (yes, the attackers weren't great at staying on). Home player sin-binned with 3 mins left due to clear dissent towards both me and the ref. All round positive feedback from teams and officials - for the first time since I moved into OA football this season, the ref said he thought I was really confident - before all I'd heard was "don't be so hesitant". Overall, I'm really pleased and I'm looking forward to getting some more games in.
 
Refereeing is not an exact science.

Sometimes you'll have a difficult match but come out of it feeling good.

Sometimes an easier match but come out disappointed.

I'm on 30 years plus of reffing and you're either "cut out" to referee or you're not.

There's no doubt reffing is a lot harder now than when i started due to attitudes and social media etc and the bizarre way some laws are written / interpreted.

Keep going and see how you feel. Generally i get fed up in April / May but by August i'm ready to ref again.
 
(Originally posted this in another thread by mistake):

I always have a little bit of a wobble this time of season, and after a few years I’ve realised it’s the combination of being a bit knackered, the weather turning (and clocks go back next weekend), postponements leading to midweek games being crammed in, and meetings almost weekly.

Feet up today, local fixtures decimated. 🍷
 
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For me enjoyment rather lack of is definately corrolated with respect from 3 areas:
1. colleagues,leagues and other refs
2. Sidelines of coaches/managers
3. Club officials not on sidelines e.g. club secretaries and treasuries.
Example of each:
1.can you do game x when ive stated i can only do y and z.
2.especially public commenting designed to riddicule.
3. Similar to 1 above where theres no please, thank you and its all about them and their needs totally self-centred.
 
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