A&H

First game yesterday - felt like walking away

M

mattg2492

New Member
Grassroots Referee
Had my first game yesterday by myself (second game to go toward my 5 game qualification) and honestly felt like walking away there and then. Under 13s boys and I was pre-warned about the away team being aggressive.

Game started ok, some tough tackles but nothing too bad and handled ok. The away coach started being aggressive towards the club assistant about a throw in he believed went the wrong way. I had a quick word to calm down and respect the decision to which he told me he was entitled to his opinion and done nothing wrong. 1 bad challenge went in at the end of the first half which I really should have have a yellow but i didn’t get a clear view so lesson learned there.

Second half got worse with bad challenges going in from the away team and the coach becoming more and more aggressive towards the club assistant, club officials and spectators. I started with a caution for the away captain for persistent careless fouls.

A few moments later was possibly the worst as I turned to the bench to see the away coach being physically restrained by the club assistant and his fellow coach from going towards the home team coaches. I went over to move everyone away and showed the away coach a straight red for aggressive behaviour.

The players did not take lightly to this and their behaviour was appalling after this. Fouls, dissent and total lack of respect to all in attendance led to me abandoning the game with 10 to play. I had players giving me fake names when getting cautioned, sly comments and just general disregard for players safety.

I was told to hang back by the parents and home coaches as the away coach was hanging round the car park for me.

Real baptism of fire and really made me question whether I wanted to go forward with it. I only wanted to do it for fun. For now, I’ll go with the mantra of ‘things can only get better’.
 
A&H International
Write it all up and get in touch with your CFA and probably the Safeguarding team there. People like this should not be involved with youth football. It sounds clear the impact it is having on the attitude of the players. So many red flags.
 
As a new referee, I recommend calling your point of contact from the referees course (likely the RDO).

They will give you appropriate support and as a new referee that support is what you need.

No need to try and navigate extraordinary reports on wholegame and all that yourself (this forum can help should you need it).
 
very surprised you were even given this game, considering the away team were known for being aggressive. Badly allocated for a newcomer in my opinion.
 
mattg2492 said:
Had my first game yesterday by myself (second game to go toward my 5 game qualification) and honestly felt like walking away there and then. Under 13s boys and I was pre-warned about the away team being aggressive.

Game started ok, some tough tackles but nothing too bad and handled ok. The away coach started being aggressive towards the club assistant about a throw in he believed went the wrong way. I had a quick word to calm down and respect the decision to which he told me he was entitled to his opinion and done nothing wrong. 1 bad challenge went in at the end of the first half which I really should have have a yellow but i didn’t get a clear view so lesson learned there.

Second half got worse with bad challenges going in from the away team and the coach becoming more and more aggressive towards the club assistant, club officials and spectators. I started with a caution for the away captain for persistent careless fouls.

A few moments later was possibly the worst as I turned to the bench to see the away coach being physically restrained by the club assistant and his fellow coach from going towards the home team coaches. I went over to move everyone away and showed the away coach a straight red for aggressive behaviour.

The players did not take lightly to this and their behaviour was appalling after this. Fouls, dissent and total lack of respect to all in attendance led to me abandoning the game with 10 to play. I had players giving me fake names when getting cautioned, sly comments and just general disregard for players safety.

I was told to hang back by the parents and home coaches as the away coach was hanging round the car park for me.

Real baptism of fire and really made me question whether I wanted to go forward with it. I only wanted to do it for fun. For now, I’ll go with the mantra of ‘things can only get better’.
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I am not sure about the use of the word of fun, but you do need to enjoy what you are doing. Yes, hopefully things will get better for you, but you have already built in some resilience, which will place you in good stead.
 
BCMilan said:
very surprised you were even given this game, considering the away team were known for being aggressive. Badly allocated for a newcomer in my opinion.
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In youth football not much thought Is put into allocation and imo rightfully so. In youth football referees don’t want to be going all over the county. As well as it was kids football the away team probably wasn’t known as aggressive by the CFA
 
mattg2492 said:
Had my first game yesterday by myself (second game to go toward my 5 game qualification) and honestly felt like walking away there and then. Under 13s boys and I was pre-warned about the away team being aggressive.

Game started ok, some tough tackles but nothing too bad and handled ok. The away coach started being aggressive towards the club assistant about a throw in he believed went the wrong way. I had a quick word to calm down and respect the decision to which he told me he was entitled to his opinion and done nothing wrong. 1 bad challenge went in at the end of the first half which I really should have have a yellow but i didn’t get a clear view so lesson learned there.

Second half got worse with bad challenges going in from the away team and the coach becoming more and more aggressive towards the club assistant, club officials and spectators. I started with a caution for the away captain for persistent careless fouls.

A few moments later was possibly the worst as I turned to the bench to see the away coach being physically restrained by the club assistant and his fellow coach from going towards the home team coaches. I went over to move everyone away and showed the away coach a straight red for aggressive behaviour.

The players did not take lightly to this and their behaviour was appalling after this. Fouls, dissent and total lack of respect to all in attendance led to me abandoning the game with 10 to play. I had players giving me fake names when getting cautioned, sly comments and just general disregard for players safety.

I was told to hang back by the parents and home coaches as the away coach was hanging round the car park for me.

Real baptism of fire and really made me question whether I wanted to go forward with it. I only wanted to do it for fun. For now, I’ll go with the mantra of ‘things can only get better’.
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You will learn more from this game than you will for the next 3 games combined. On the day this may have not been a nice experience but overall you will really benefit from having this exposure. This season I’ve probably had 3 games that on the day I haven’t been happy with and not enjoyed it but there the games I remember and have learnt the most from.
 
It’s understandable that you’re feeling raw and questioning if this is the right career choice for you.

First and foremost, well done for getting through the game and having the courage to abandon during such a high-pressure situation. While it might not seem like it now, you'll likely learn more from this experience than from games where everything goes smoothly and your cards stay in your pocket. Having recently completed my qualifying games, I can attest that the games where things didn’t go perfectly and I identified my own mistakes were the ones that contributed most to my development. While we all dream of games free from insults, abuse, and questions about our neutrality, this unfortunately isn’t the reality in the world of football.

Once the adrenaline from the day subsides, take some time to reflect on whether refereeing is truly for you. Remember why you took the course in the first place and what you hope to achieve in your refereeing career.

Most importantly, don't let the behavior of one person or a small minority drive you to quit. Don’t let them win. You will have more positive days than negative ones.
 
hello matt, yuck this sounds like a nightmare! but it sounds to me like you handled it really well- nice job. as others have said, report everything that happened via the system and follow up with e.g. your RDO to make sure they understand the severity. but do get back on the horse if you can- you’ll have way more positive games than negative ones and all experience is good experience. good luck and go well!
 
Oh man, walk away, not worth getting your head kicked in over this with potentially life changing injuries. They sound like a bunch of thugs, not a football team.

Definitely report it and add as much detail as possible.
 
Kent Ref said:
Is this a serious post?

Worrying, if true.
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He's not a qualified referee, and not to downplay his contribution(s), but in this instance, I can see his bearing on the situation. I am repeatedly told by many football and non football stakeholders who aren't referees, to walk away, and they cannot comprehend how I deem reffing to be worth my time. Of course; it is - I love it, and genuinely miss it when I go a week without it, but I have a sympathy with the POV of those who've never reffed a game, and hear stories such as this.

While it wouldn't be the advice I give, I make that clear, I am also not going to shoot him down for it given his background in the sport.
 
Matt, you seem to have the right attitude… which is almost everything in refereeing. Your first game sounds like a diabolical introduction to refereeing, but the fact you survived and are hear talking about it is a good thing. Not all games (and hopefully most future games) won’t be like this. Give yourself some time and some more games and you might feel differently. As others have said our bad games tend to offer the best learnings, particularly when it comes to game control. Hang in there, be positive about the resilience you have already displayed and know that there are almost definitely better days, games and reflections to come.
 
RefRyanAus said:
Matt, you seem to have the right attitude… which is almost everything in refereeing. Your first game sounds like a diabolical introduction to refereeing, but the fact you survived and are hear talking about it is a good thing. Not all games (and hopefully most future games) won’t be like this. Give yourself some time and some more games and you might feel differently. As others have said our bad games tend to offer the best learnings, particularly when it comes to game control. Hang in there, be positive about the resilience you have already displayed and know that there are almost definitely better days, games and reflections to come.
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Absolutely this. You have learnt loads from this. Take your time. Hopefully you will do more games. You will be better prepared for low level dissent and a-hole coaches next time.
 
@mattg2492 - what a way to start your refereeing career. Sorry to hear about it, but you already have the "things can only get better" attitude.

First thing I would do is to analyse your own performance and write it down. getting it on paper, does lead to to focus on where you can improve (and all referees can improve). The first 5 matches are to identify learning experiences and discuss with your mentor or the RDO
mattg2492 said:
Game started ok, some tough tackles but nothing too bad and handled ok. The away coach started being aggressive towards the club assistant about a throw in he believed went the wrong way. I had a quick word to calm down and respect the decision to which he told me he was entitled to his opinion and done nothing wrong. 1 bad challenge went in at the end of the first half which I really should have have a yellow but i didn’t get a clear view so lesson learned there.

Second half got worse with bad challenges going in from the away team and the coach becoming more and more aggressive towards the club assistant, club officials and spectators. I started with a caution for the away captain for persistent careless fouls.
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1. You realised that you needed a YC at the end of the first half, so the first reckless challenge in the 2nd half should have had one.
2. You had spoken with the Away coach already, so him getting involved again, should have been a YC.
mattg2492 said:
A few moments later was possibly the worst as I turned to the bench to see the away coach being physically restrained by the club assistant and his fellow coach from going towards the home team coaches. I went over to move everyone away and showed the away coach a straight red for aggressive behaviour.

The players did not take lightly to this and their behaviour was appalling after this. Fouls, dissent and total lack of respect to all in attendance led to me abandoning the game with 10 to play. I had players giving me fake names when getting cautioned, sly comments and just general disregard for players safety.
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At U13's if you are dismissing a coach for violent conduct (as that is what aggressive behaviour would be defined as in law), the next question should "is the game safe to continue". The players are minors, and therefore need to be protected. If their "leader" is not their, how are they going to be protected?
Given they had been a hard match, and his RC - I would have abandoned immediately - wholly on the coaches behaviour. The CFA and league would then charge the club with the abandonment. Your actions have saved the players.


Yes, this is a bad situation for you, but it was the coaches fault for his dismissal.
 
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