Local derby

Second gave in charge and wow.

Really feisty game with both teams really combative. If I blew up for everything then we wouldn’t of had any football..

Sat here afterwards second guessing everything…

The home team CB and the striker had a battle between them. The CB was close to the striker and both pulling each other… the striker called every time he had the ball for pulling and threw himself to the floor all the time… their coach was screaming at me all game for fouls. When the was an actual foul and I blew up the sarcastic cheers and applause towards me at the start made me chuckle but towards the end it was annoying to say the least.

The home team was by far the cleanest and I thought I blew fair only calling what I thought was required…

I was getting dogs abuse from the side “cheat, you don’t know the rules, spec savers” the lot.. one of their player was chopsy to the point I thought he called me a cheat. We pulled him over and he denied it so I told him and more and I will card him..


I feel the need to say These are 12 year old kids…

How do you handle these types of games? Should I of been harder?

Andyrob0880 said:

Second gave in charge and wow.

Really feisty game with both teams really combative. If I blew up for everything then we wouldn’t of had any football..

Sat here afterwards second guessing everything…

The home team CB and the striker had a battle between them. The CB was close to the striker and both pulling each other… the striker called every time he had the ball for pulling and threw himself to the floor all the time… their coach was screaming at me all game for fouls. When the was an actual foul and I blew up the sarcastic cheers and applause towards me at the start made me chuckle but towards the end it was annoying to say the least.

The home team was by far the cleanest and I thought I blew fair only calling what I thought was required…

I was getting dogs abuse from the side “cheat, you don’t know the rules, spec savers” the lot.. one of their player was chopsy to the point I thought he called me a cheat. We pulled him over and he denied it so I told him and more and I will card him..


I feel the need to say These are 12 year old kids…

How do you handle these types of games? Should I of been harder?

Click to expand...

Hi Andy

Well done, sounds like a really tough game!

There are plenty of people on here that will be able to offer you much more advice than me. However, I do ref a lot of youth football and I am also a teacher. One thing I would not stand for at all is any back chat from the coaches or players.

This starts for me before the game even starts. I will get both coaches together and lay down what I expect from them. Show them I am in charge, this is how I want it to go… this is how I want the subs to be done etc..

As soon as the manger questioned a decision I would use my whistle loudly and stop the game (or next stop I’m okay) go over and have a stern word something along the lines of ‘that is not acceptable if you question me again I will card you, no arguments leave it at that. In my experience most coaches have shut up after that and some have even come and apologised to me at half time!

In terms of players, I would go down a similar line, hard but fair and use 10 min sin bins if necessary. If a player called me a cheat I would be sending them off no questions asked, provided I knew who it was and definitely heard it. If they questioned a decision I would call them over at the next stoppage, give them a public warning and tell them if they question me again they will be going for 10 mins. Again that works for me, rarely have I had to sin bin an under 18. You could look up the STEPPED approach for dealing with dissent.

It sounds like you tried to let it go a bit and ignore it in the hope that it would sort itself out (which as an inexperienced ref is quite easy to do to be honest) but I think you probably could have dealt with it earlier and that would have nipped it in the bud. These type of teams and coaches probably do it week in week out to referees (usually young inexperienced ones at u12) and IMO coaches like that should be no where near youth football.

In terms of parents there are posts on here that can help you with dealing with that. You shouldn’t respond to a parent or spectator as you can’t card them, but you can stop the game and say to the home manager that they need to deal with them and they need to leave the vicinity before the game continues. I would be putting in a report on this as well if you had to deal with this.

Hope this helps a bit, as I say there are people on here that can give you much better advice than that but that’s how I would go about it!

Hi thanks for this reply, I am sat here thinking I should of given atleast a yellow card as now I’ve calmed down I can realise he definitely said it.

I used to be in school with the one teams coach (the one not shouting at me) and his parents have apologised as they were the home team for the abuse I had to take.

Suppose these are all learning lessons so I know how to handle games like this better the next time.

The set up wasn’t great either as there was no isolation zones to have parents away from the pitch so they were all on the touch line.

Andyrob0880 said:

Hi thanks for this reply, I am sat here thinking I should of given atleast a yellow card as now I’ve calmed down I can realise he definitely said it.

I used to be in school with the one teams coach (the one not shouting at me) and his parents have apologised as they were the home team for the abuse I had to take.

Suppose these are all learning lessons so I know how to handle games like this better the next time.

The set up wasn’t great either as there was no isolation zones to have parents away from the pitch so they were all on the touch line.

Click to expand...

Yeh that’s difficult.

I would make sure at the start that the coaches and officials/ subs are one side and all spectators and parents are the other, that way you can easily identify who is who. Coaches and officials can be carded remember and so can subs.

Sounds like you have reflected well and as long as you continue to ref and learn from it that’s all anyone can ask! On to the next one forget it and enjoy!

Good advice… one thing… if you say “next time it’s a card” about dissent or cumulative cards you are setting a trap for yourself.

If you say that after 10 mins, others hear it, and something happens 70 mins later, you won’t want to card but you can be sure other players will crucify you for earlier comments.

Instead try e.g. “I have to warn you, so everyone can see… this time there’s no card… be more careful… calm down” etc.

Don’t trap yourself!

Again great advice thank you

Andyrob0880 said:

If I blew up for everything then we wouldn’t of had any football..

Click to expand...

Or, it stops early on when they realise you will penalise fouls.

Yeah after the event this is my thought too.. hindsight is a wonderful thing and I’m just learning so these lessons are great I suppose

Max2 said:

Or, it stops early on when they realise you will penalise fouls.

Click to expand...

This. When a game is overly feisty, we can take the air out of it a bit by calling more fouls. Players adjust. It always easier to relax what you are calling than to tighten it. This is a skill that takes time to develop and master.

Ok cool… I’ve not stopped analysing it today and honesty can see that I think I definitely didn’t blow enough and should of.. if I had blown more then I think it would of been calmer..

When trying to let them play doesn't work, start turning the screw... doesn't mean cards are necessarily coming out for fouls but they'll realise you're giving the fouls and adjust accordingly... and if not they get to play in a really dull game of football!