shrews1886
New Member
Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. I'd be really interested to hear people's views on the need to be thick-skinned as a referee, and where/how to draw the line between that and taking abuse.
Just by way of background, I have recently started doing some work as linesman for my local Sunday league team. I did this because I got an injury pre-season that isn't going away, and I really want to stay involved with the club.
I am really enjoying getting to know a completely different side to the game, and am interested in taking up some referee training courses in future. But I have some lingering doubts about whether I am strong enough. In every game I do I try to get in the right position and make what I feel is the right decision every time. But I'm learning and inevitably I make mistakes. Every game I get called incompetent (with an assortment of swear words attached) by my own team's supporters, and a cheat (with some some even tastier swear words attached) by the other team's supporters. I find this really crushing, and I leave so many games feeling utterly useless.
To illustrate all this better, I want to give a concrete, convoluted example, Today I made a marginal call which upset the other team's fans standing behind me. I was running just behind the offside line, but saw where the attacking player was positioned, and sensed that his head was likely offside, so I flagged it. The fans behind started screaming at me, getting up close to me, saying they were right there and knew it wasn't offside. I answered back at them, saying 'his head was offside' (which I probably shouldn't have done - I just got defensive). They then got even louder, and moments later there was another marginal call which I flagged – this time it was with 100% certainty as I was in a great position. The crowd got louder, insisting I give them the flag. The ref saw all this, and spoke to their manager. A few moments later one of their fans said to me 'just take no notice of them mate'. Then I heard someone behind me say 'no, he f****** deserves it, making decisions like that'. This upset me, because in my mind he was a complete stranger and was saying I deserved all the abuse I got. I decided not to gesture to the ref and tell him what he had said. If I had done that I am confident the ref would have asked the supporter to leave – it was seconds after their supporters had been given a warning. But I didn't want to be heavy-handed, so I just said 'watch it' (I regret the choice of words – I didn't mean for it to sound threatening – I simply wanted to get the point across that he was on a final final warning and that if he continued I would have no choice but to call the ref over). He reacted angrily, saying 'you should watch who you're talking to, don't ever talk to me like that again.' This whole incident left a really nasty taste on the game from my perspective.
I realise that emotions run high during a football match, and that people are genuinely frustrated when they think the line judge has made a mistake – after all, a line judge's decision has the potential to decide results. So I understand that this abuse isn't intended personal insult. But I just have massive confidence issues, and can't help but take it personally.
So, how do you gain thick skin as a referee? Is it something you just have, or is it something you've learned the hard way? What measures have you taken to improve in this regard? At the same time, how do you make sure you balance having thick skin with calling out abuse when necessary? Looking at my example I gave, what would people have done differently?
Thanks in advance!
Just by way of background, I have recently started doing some work as linesman for my local Sunday league team. I did this because I got an injury pre-season that isn't going away, and I really want to stay involved with the club.
I am really enjoying getting to know a completely different side to the game, and am interested in taking up some referee training courses in future. But I have some lingering doubts about whether I am strong enough. In every game I do I try to get in the right position and make what I feel is the right decision every time. But I'm learning and inevitably I make mistakes. Every game I get called incompetent (with an assortment of swear words attached) by my own team's supporters, and a cheat (with some some even tastier swear words attached) by the other team's supporters. I find this really crushing, and I leave so many games feeling utterly useless.
To illustrate all this better, I want to give a concrete, convoluted example, Today I made a marginal call which upset the other team's fans standing behind me. I was running just behind the offside line, but saw where the attacking player was positioned, and sensed that his head was likely offside, so I flagged it. The fans behind started screaming at me, getting up close to me, saying they were right there and knew it wasn't offside. I answered back at them, saying 'his head was offside' (which I probably shouldn't have done - I just got defensive). They then got even louder, and moments later there was another marginal call which I flagged – this time it was with 100% certainty as I was in a great position. The crowd got louder, insisting I give them the flag. The ref saw all this, and spoke to their manager. A few moments later one of their fans said to me 'just take no notice of them mate'. Then I heard someone behind me say 'no, he f****** deserves it, making decisions like that'. This upset me, because in my mind he was a complete stranger and was saying I deserved all the abuse I got. I decided not to gesture to the ref and tell him what he had said. If I had done that I am confident the ref would have asked the supporter to leave – it was seconds after their supporters had been given a warning. But I didn't want to be heavy-handed, so I just said 'watch it' (I regret the choice of words – I didn't mean for it to sound threatening – I simply wanted to get the point across that he was on a final final warning and that if he continued I would have no choice but to call the ref over). He reacted angrily, saying 'you should watch who you're talking to, don't ever talk to me like that again.' This whole incident left a really nasty taste on the game from my perspective.
I realise that emotions run high during a football match, and that people are genuinely frustrated when they think the line judge has made a mistake – after all, a line judge's decision has the potential to decide results. So I understand that this abuse isn't intended personal insult. But I just have massive confidence issues, and can't help but take it personally.
So, how do you gain thick skin as a referee? Is it something you just have, or is it something you've learned the hard way? What measures have you taken to improve in this regard? At the same time, how do you make sure you balance having thick skin with calling out abuse when necessary? Looking at my example I gave, what would people have done differently?
Thanks in advance!