I'll add my two cents (american term) that nobody asked for
. I have been reading this forum for a while and joined/started posting here recently. I am 47 yrs old and have played for 40 and refereed for 4. I have additionally coached for about 10 yrs. It does seem from reading that you all in the UK deal with more severe abuse than we encounter in the midwestern US but we do certainly get our share. Based upon my observation we are heading down the "abuse spiral" that you all are on with it getting worse if not dealt with. The men's leagues over here that I play in can be mouthy but they all know the game and the limits. They may gripe but tend to stop before the cards come out and when the cards come out. Over here the youth leagues seem to be where we (I mean referees, clubs and leagues) teach players, parents/spectators, coaches what will be tolerated. Unfortunately, we seem to have the same issues. I will come right out and say it and I think we have all done it at times. I have taken more from a coach than I should have. To this day, I am still kicking myself for not tossing him. My son is a player for the same club and I regret not tossing the coach. I instead elected to talk to him and it got better (slightly) but his parents fed off of him and they proceeded to get vocal as well. In hindsight, I regret my failure. That said, my son's club or not, I have less tolerance for coach/player nonsense and let the cards do the talking (in Indiana, USA we issue cards to coaches contrary to the ask, tell, dismiss). Here is where I see the problem over here which I would assume has many parallels over there. I believe that WE ALL own the problem and it will not improve until WE ALL address it (clubs, referees and FA/leagues).
1. There is no push from the clubs to educate parents and coaches - much of their nonsense is due to a lack of appreciation that not all calls get whistled (dubious, trifling, temperature of match, etc), and the referee may have a different OPINION based upon different angle, distance, knowledge of the LOTG
2. Parents and coaches often are operating on a lack of knowledge of the LOTG or OLD knowledge
EXAMPLES - Every handball is not a deliberate handball. Every dynamic collision does not mean there is a foul. There is no right to advantage. Trifling fouls (ITOOTR) might not be called. Often the referee is waiting to see... Getting the ball does not mean that a tackle is always fair. Offside - generally only one person was looking at the 2LD at the exact moment the ball was kicked. The opinion of the referee is what matters, assume you will disagree at some point.
3. Youth referees and new referees tend to work these younger games and are often not confident in their knowledge of the LOTG and reluctant to address the abuse (intimidated, unsure, whatever) or are not sure how to address unruly sidelines
4. Clubs often have conduct policies that they have parents sign but I have NEVER heard of parents being addressed by their clubs. Parents can act like fools and be abusive but are often not banned from successive games.
5. Clubs do not hold their coaches accountable. It is very interesting to see the wide array of coaching conduct within a club when I KNOW what their supposed policy is. Even when addressed by a referee, certain coaches continue unabated due to no club punishment.
6. As referees we too often focus on our "man management" with players and coaches and fail to recognize when the cards should have come out.
7. We additionally have a shortage of referees as many do not stick with it and many youth players/referees quit or don't start refereeing because they don't want to be subjected to the abuse. Note: My teenage son and many of his teammates are referees but most are not active. Most who are active are afraid to center.
8. Our kids (and parents) all watch EPL (other leagues also but mostly EPL) every weekend. More so than our own leagues. They continue to see poor conduct (surrounding, arguing, impeding movement of referee, yelling, gestures, touching, etc.) that goes unpunished despite EPL's initiative to punish this sort of conduct. Grass roots players emulate what they see. Don't even get me going on the flopping
I know there are many more factors. I subscribe to the school of don't come to me with a problem without bringing a solution. Here is where I see possible solutions
Clubs - administrators should discretely watch some of their coaches/fans conduct at the youth levels and address where appropriate. They should also levy severe sanctions on coaches, players, fans who are disciplined/reported by referees. Coaches should be held accountable for their spectators conduct at the youth level CONSISTENTLY. It should not be a coach telling a referee "if you need to kick them out go ahead." It should be "coach, I need you to handle your spectators or this game will not continue. If you need to remove people, please do so." Those individuals then MUST be sanctioned by their club. Clubs must deal with coach conduct severely as well. Their spectators/parents/players are typically a reflection of the coach.
Leagues/FA - Sanctions for clubs whose coaches/spectators are reported. Monetary, loss of points in standings, removal from the league.
Referees - In my state, I believe that we must collectively, consistently and aggressively push to address misconduct. Push the policy to all referees AND STICK TO IT. Gain the clubs' support for measures listed above and then EVERYONE deal with it! Push the policy - Football (soccer) is an emotional game. Fans are there to support/cheer for the players, coaches are their to provide instruction/tactical advise to players. Occasional verbalization of disagreement with a call is understandable BUT when disagreement is loud, persistent, or personal it will be dealt with harshly by the referees. Failure to control/address dissent/abuse may result in abandonment of the contest. Coaches verbalizing disagreement with calls consistently is dissent and is irresponsible. ANYONE who approaches a referee after a game to argue, berate, abuse, threaten will be banned for the season and fines levied against the club. Clubs/teams who repeatedly have this issue may be prohibited from having spectators in future contests. We also need to consistently document in the game report if we have to speak to a coach or address a coach about controlling his spectators. I'm not certain but maybe a less formal rating system grading a team (players, coaches, fans) after every game could help the clubs to address conduct heading off issues before sanctions become necessary?
I would also suggest for the younger youth levels providing more support for younger or inexperienced referees. An observer/experienced official present with the ability to intervene to address abuse if unaddressed by CR. I recognized that ultimately it is the CR who should deal with abuse/irresponsible behavior but we may be able to keep youth/new referees in the profession if we provide support for them, protect them, and teach them how to deal with poor conduct. I know many youth referees who would likely stay with it, if there was a mechanism for me or an adult referee to observe, let them deal with it, but step in to teach them how to deal with it if needed. I believe that this is where some of the inconsistency comes from.
Ultimately, until WE are consistent, Clubs are supportive and consistent, and FA's are consistent, I do not believe we will make much headway. CLUBS and FA's MUST be a part of this effort and they MUST follow through supporting us. If we do not have a sincere and consistent push from all levels (not just referees), I do not see us changing this and we will continue to lose referees, officiating will suffer and the game will suffer. Some of this may not translate to the UK but we are organized into youth recreational (U6-U19), youth travel (U8-U19) which will provide our higher levels of youth competition, adult recreational, adult amateur, lower division professional (NASL, USL, etc.), and professional (MLS). I work predominantly the U15-U19 travel leagues. There are High School and Collegiate level competitions which play in the fall only with players reverting to their club teams for the winter/spring. Our adult amateur leagues are not as developed as they are over there I believe although there are high level adult amateur teams out there.