A&H

Worst game so far

J

Jakegre1

New Member
Hello all,

To start off I had been assigned an U12 game, which would of been my 5th game as a referee and expected it to be just a normal and quite simple match, as they are only 12 and 13 after all.

We started off and everything was fine, apart from a few bad challenges here and there but nothing serious, until an argument, near the end of the match broke out between two players. Obviously I blew my whistle and asked them both to come towards me with the intention to just have a quite word with them. However, then the blue player decides to push the yellow player, while also swearing at him. After this, Blue player refused to come over, and then pushed me, shouting “you’re a sh*t referee”. I had enough at this point and thought It was only right to show him a red card, only for him to attempt to knock the book and card out of my hand, then to storm off the pitch. This then followed by his Dad entering the pitch, while threatening me and also also shouting abuse towards me, and demanded a reason for what I sent off his son, but refused to listen when I calmly explained my reasoning. Luckily, the coaches managed to calm him down, and then left he field of play. At this point, I considered abandoning but as there was only three minutes left, I just finished off the game. A full discipline and misconduct report had been submitted to the FA, and they seem to be taking very seriously.

Do you all have any tips, or disagree with how I handled the situation?
 
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The Referee Store
We all have crappy games, its part and parcel of refereeing, do your admin stuff and learn from the experience.... Next time it happens you'll maybe have learned defensive tricks like not explaining decisions in a tense situation and maybe consider an abandonment too, the time on the watch is irrelevant, your safety comes first!! Chin up, you did OK!!
 
First up, red card, obviously the right sanction here. There's no excuse at any age for pushing the ref. Well done for finishing the game - though you have really done a big favour to the teams there, well above and beyond the call of duty. If you were threatened by the parent you would be been quite right to abandon. Well done for reporting.

Big picture. Only 5 games is very little. Crazy things happen in football matches and as a ref or AR a big part of it is being prepared for the unexpected. And a lot of what we do involves managing difficult players. It shouldn't be like that, but it's reality. In my experience it's 14-15 where some lads can easily lose it and have no self control but 12-13 also seems plausible.

I'm interested if you think there was a key match incident that set the player off?

So then, the detail. If you had to stop the game because two players were arguing, you should already be giving one or both of them yellow cards. If the ball wasn't dead already, you really have to card if you have to stop the game. So, already, you perhaps should have been thinking stricter instead of placating them and just having a word.

And how did a 12 year old get close enough to push you and swipe your cards. At grassroots something we all have to watch for is players getting close enough to us incendiary situations. Of course, it's unexpected at 12, and unacceptable at any age - but safety first. Best advice is to avoid getting in between fighting players, or letting nutty players get close.

You've probably read on here about the idea of not insisting players come to you, and rather meeting them half way or at a third spot to avoid the condescending feeling.

Again though, this is all just detail for another day. There's absolutely no excuse, you've done nothing wrong here, well done for handling it.

I don't know how old you are or how you feel about it overall - but it might have affected you - do get someone to talk to about it.
 
santa sangria said:
First up, red card, obviously the right sanction here. There's no excuse at any age for pushing the ref. Well done for finishing the game - though you have really done a big favour to the teams there, well above and beyond the call of duty. If you were threatened by the parent you would be been quite right to abandon. Well done for reporting.

Big picture. Only 5 games is very little. Crazy things happen in football matches and as a ref or AR a big part of it is being prepared for the unexpected. And a lot of what we do involves managing difficult players. It shouldn't be like that, but it's reality. In my experience it's 14-15 where some lads can easily lose it and have no self control but 12-13 also seems plausible.

I'm interested if you think there was a key match incident that set the player off?

So then, the detail. If you had to stop the game because two players were arguing, you should already be giving one or both of them yellow cards. If the ball wasn't dead already, you really have to card if you have to stop the game. So, already, you perhaps should have been thinking stricter instead of placating them and just having a word.

And how did a 12 year old get close enough to push you and swipe your cards. At grassroots something we all have to watch for is players getting close enough to us incendiary situations. Of course, it's unexpected at 12, and unacceptable at any age - but safety first. Best advice is to avoid getting in between fighting players, or letting nutty players get close.

You've probably read on here about the idea of not insisting players come to you, and rather meeting them half way or at a third spot to avoid the condescending feeling.

Again though, this is all just detail for another day. There's absolutely no excuse, you've done nothing wrong here, well done for handling it.

I don't know how old you are or how you feel about it overall - but it might have affected you - do get someone to
Th
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santa sangria said:
First up, red card, obviously the right sanction here. There's no excuse at any age for pushing the ref. Well done for finishing the game - though you have really done a big favour to the teams there, well above and beyond the call of duty. If you were threatened by the parent you would be been quite right to abandon. Well done for reporting.

Big picture. Only 5 games is very little. Crazy things happen in football matches and as a ref or AR a big part of it is being prepared for the unexpected. And a lot of what we do involves managing difficult players. It shouldn't be like that, but it's reality. In my experience it's 14-15 where some lads can easily lose it and have no self control but 12-13 also seems plausible.

I'm interested if you think there was a key match incident that set the player off?

So then, the detail. If you had to stop the game because two players were arguing, you should already be giving one or both of them yellow cards. If the ball wasn't dead already, you really have to card if you have to stop the game. So, already, you perhaps should have been thinking stricter instead of placating them and just having a word.

And how did a 12 year old get close enough to push you and swipe your cards. At grassroots something we all have to watch for is players getting close enough to us incendiary situations. Of course, it's unexpected at 12, and unacceptable at any age - but safety first. Best advice is to avoid getting in between fighting players, or letting nutty players get close.

You've probably read on here about the idea of not insisting players come to you, and rather meeting them half way or at a third spot to avoid the condescending feeling.

Again though, this is all just detail for another day. There's absolutely no excuse, you've done nothing wrong here, well done for handling it.

I don't know how old you are or how you feel about it overall - but it might have affected you - do get someone to talk to about it.
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Thanks for you’re reply.

Like you said, I really didn’t expect anything like that to happen, which really caught me by surprise. From what I was told there was a few mean words exchanged between the two when the ball went out for a throw-in, but I didn't hear anything at all, as I was quite a distance away from the incident, and when I did get all I saw was Blue player pushing yellow player.

To be honest, one mistake I did make was going over to the player, when he refused to come towards me,
santa sangria said:
First up, red card, obviously the right sanction here. There's no excuse at any age for pushing the ref. Well done for finishing the game - though you have really done a big favour to the teams there, well above and beyond the call of duty. If you were threatened by the parent you would be been quite right to abandon. Well done for reporting.

Big picture. Only 5 games is very little. Crazy things happen in football matches and as a ref or AR a big part of it is being prepared for the unexpected. And a lot of what we do involves managing difficult players. It shouldn't be like that, but it's reality. In my experience it's 14-15 where some lads can easily lose it and have no self control but 12-13 also seems plausible.

I'm interested if you think there was a key match incident that set the player off?

So then, the detail. If you had to stop the game because two players were arguing, you should already be giving one or both of them yellow cards. If the ball wasn't dead already, you really have to card if you have to stop the game. So, already, you perhaps should have been thinking stricter instead of placating them and just having a word.

And how did a 12 year old get close enough to push you and swipe your cards. At grassroots something we all have to watch for is players getting close enough to us incendiary situations. Of course, it's unexpected at 12, and unacceptable at any age - but safety first. Best advice is to avoid getting in between fighting players, or letting nutty players get close.

You've probably read on here about the idea of not insisting players come to you, and rather meeting them half way or at a third spot to avoid the condescending feeling.

Again though, this is all just detail for another day. There's absolutely no excuse, you've done nothing wrong here, well done for handling it.

I don't know how old you are or how you feel about it overall - but it might have affected you - do get someone to talk to about it.
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Thanks for you’re reply.

Like you said, I really didn’t expect anything like that to happen, which really caught me by surprise. From what I was told there was a few mean words exchanged between the two when the ball went out for a throw-in, but I didn't hear anything at all, as I was quite a distance away from the incident, and when I did get all I saw was Blue player pushing yellow player.

To be honest, one mistake I did make was going over to the player when he refused to come towards me, which led to him pushing me.
 
Good advice from santa. One thing I would add, if you see an altercation between two players the first priority is giving them no time to interact with each other. So if/when I have this, I'd be blowing the whistle and running tward the incident. You see this often in TV at corner kicks, when the referee goes in to have a word with players. By stopping the game and asking them to come to you, the players think they are in trouble and during that walk to you they are going to say something or do something to the other player for getting them in trouble.

Blow your whistle, get there quick, take their attention away from each other and to you. Say something in a calm way "guys, I don't care how this started but it ends now. We have a few minutes left and I'd like to finish this game without anyone doing anything silly. Please work with me here."

It is very very important you don't have any interaction with a parent storming on to the pitch. Immidiately look at the manager and say "get him off". Keep an eye on him but don't look at him or give him the impression that you are going to engage him. As said above, abandoning the game is a very plausable option when a treatening parent storms on to the pitch. You'd be doing the referees for his future games a big favour. But again the rest of the team were ok and as santa said, you did them a favour by finishing the game.

I guess you could call this worse game so far after 5 games but sounds like you didn't actually have a bad game. Just one bad incident. Chin up and on to the next game knowing you can handle a similar incident much better now.
 
5 games, you're still in the womb, 80 games later, I've still got the placenta attached
Mentoring is the priority for young refs. You'd find this scenario easier if you were 10 or more years older. Lots of similar experiences reported by trainee referees on here lately. Speak to your RDO, that's your priority
 
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Big Cat said:
5 games, you're still in the womb, 80 games, I've still got the placenta attached
Mentoring is the priority for young refs. You'd find this scenario easier if you were 10 or more years older. Lots of similar experiences reported trainee referees on here lately. Speak to your RDO, that's your priority
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Great analogies BC, I was born, went through puberty, got fat, retired,,,,, In my head I could still do a decent standard however reality would kick in after 10 minutes..... I thrived on the arsey games TBF, hated a bore game when everyone shook hands before AND after!!! I could do them in my sleep!!!
 
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Sheffields Finest said:
Great analogies BC, I was born, went through puberty, got fat, retired,,,,, In my head I could still do a decent standard however reality would kick in after 10 minutes..... I thrived on the arsey games TBF, hated a bore game when everyone shook hands before AND after!!! I could do them in my sleep!!!
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Yep, if every week was a bore game I reckon I'd quit refereeing.
 
Major issue here, kid sent off by the sounds of it could have been sent off twice and his dad comes on the pitch to have a go at the referee.

Kid now thinks its perfectly acceptable to do what he did and will no doubt do it again.

Parents are a major problem in kids football.
 
spuddy1878 said:
Major issue here, kid sent off by the sounds of it could have been sent off twice and his dad comes on the pitch to have a go at the referee.

Kid now thinks its perfectly acceptable to do what he did and will no doubt do it again.

Parents are a major problem in kids football.
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Major issue. As a coach I once had an email sent to me by a parent of a player wanting to sign for the u14 amateur team I ran (decent side in the top division but without any players capable of making a career from the game). Email took me 15 mins to read it was so extensive and filled full of the expectations from me and the team if his lad signed. I just replied that he would be treated the same as everyone else and would be chosen on merit but regardless of ability everyone gets at least 30 mins a game in my team etc. His lad was a very quiet, polite and all round good lad, decent footballer but no better than anyone we had and no worse. Worthy of a starting place but also worthy of a spot on the bench depending on form and availability etc. His dad clesrly thought that he was in with a chance of making it and the only way to deal with the parent was to be straight with him. The dad was a nightmare at games once he became familiar with the new surroundings, screaming at refs and opposition players, I had to tell him to shut up several times until he and his son left and went to an even better team and then he gave football up. If his dad would've just let him play he'd have had a happy and fun time at football but his dad ruined it all for him and for everyone else. Just one example, there's absolutely loads.
 
Ben448844 said:
Major issue. As a coach I once had an email sent to me by a parent of a player wanting to sign for the u14 amateur team I ran (decent side in the top division but without any players capable of making a career from the game). Email took me 15 mins to read it was so extensive and filled full of the expectations from me and the team if his lad signed. I just replied that he would be treated the same as everyone else and would be chosen on merit but regardless of ability everyone gets at least 30 mins a game in my team etc. His lad was a very quiet, polite and all round good lad, decent footballer but no better than anyone we had and no worse. Worthy of a starting place but also worthy of a spot on the bench depending on form and availability etc. His dad clesrly thought that he was in with a chance of making it and the only way to deal with the parent was to be straight with him. The dad was a nightmare at games once he became familiar with the new surroundings, screaming at refs and opposition players, I had to tell him to shut up several times until he and his son left and went to an even better team and then he gave football up. If his dad would've just let him play he'd have had a happy and fun time at football but his dad ruined it all for him and for everyone else. Just one example, there's absolutely loads.
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Also reminded me of a coach I sent off earlier this season for an u21 team. Manager was a lovely bloke, did everything but was very quiet. The coach was an absolute gob*****, never stopped with the dissent from the 1st minute until he was told to leave. The Players will often back him on th3 day but u speak to them after and they can't stand coaches/parents like that. People often lack perspective. Its amateur football not the world cup!
 
I had an U16 manager at the weekend with verbal diarrhoer towards his players. Relentless yelling 'do this, do that, don't do that'....with occasional despairing swearing. There's not a cat in hell's chance, I'd let my Small Cats play for such a spanner
 
Ben448844 said:
Also reminded me of a coach I sent off earlier this season for an u21 team. Manager was a lovely bloke, did everything but was very quiet. The coach was an absolute gob*****, never stopped with the dissent from the 1st minute until he was told to leave. The Players will often back him on th3 day but u speak to them after and they can't stand coaches/parents like that. People often lack perspective. Its amateur football not the world cup!
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that's a very good point, plenty times Mr Mouth been removed and the team play better without his pressure on them, esp at kids
 
I had a similar parent of a kid who played for me for a couple of years, lovely lovely kind generous fella but do the 70/80 mins on a Saturday he was hard work, constantly on his sons back who was a talented kid but would have been better again without his dad there.

The crazy thing is they wouldn't go and say anything like the stuff they say if they were at academy games as they would just be binned off.
 
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