A&H

Managing People Skills.....

RegalRef

RegalRef

Politically Incorrect
Not really entirely sure where to put this thread so I'll drop it here. Just something that I'd like to pass on in case anybody needs help with it, and I garantee you would benefit in some way.

One of my regional bosses suggested a book he'd been reading that had really changed his thinking about relationships with people: Family, Friends, Work Collegues, Employees, Customers, Suppliers, even people you may have a Strong dislike for.

I travel quite a long way to and from work in the car so decided to download the book and listen to it on the journey. Now I'm not into spiritualist stuff or finding oneself or all that b***ocks, but it really struck a cord with me. I used some of the practical lessons and techneques straight away and immediately felt the benefits. I've since used them daily and felt a huge benefit.

The book is quite well known and has been around for some time. You may have heard of it : How to make Friends and influence people, written by Dale Carnagie.

Now the question may be how would this benefit us on the pitch? We're not interested in making friends on the pitch are we? But we do want to influence people - we want them to do what we want, to follow the LOTG, respect us and in turn make our lives easier.

I guarantee if you use some of these techniques from the moment you arrive before the game when speaking to the managers and players etc, the captains at the toss and the first 5 minutes on the pitch and your game control will improve hugely.
 
The Referee Store
Interesting thread RegalRef! I read and adored the book (even though reading it during history class was seen as both counter productive and a confirmation I was in need of self :p) but never really thought of applying the techniques pre and during matches. I go in to games thinking if I can walk off the pitch knowing I've done the best I can I'll be happy, regardless of the thoughts of others involved in the game. Any way of making refereeing easier should be explored, but I'll wait and see how you get on before I make a judgement. Might give the book a quick look over again before tomorrow, see if I can pick up any pointers ;)
 
Thanks Miky.
I was thinking of using a couple of techniques in particular:

1. Take a genuine interest in other people - I was going to find out a little bit about each team and their season so far including one specific game in a little detail to let them know they'd been noticed for positive reasons somewhere. Mention in the pre match and steer the conversation to them for 5 minutes and job done; compliance gained.

2. Use the individuals name as often as possible - learn the names of as many people on the teams as possible (but realistically at least the coach and captain) to build relationships when the game has started. Calling a captain over by using their name and showing you have taken the time to learn it rather than being told, forgetting and shouting 'captain' or 'skipper' when you want them is bound to get a better response. Same if talking to the coaches, if they've talked about themselves for ten minutes in the prematch they'll feel like you know them anyway because of how much THEY told YOU. Make the captains feel important and authoritive amongst their team and they will want to step up to the mark.

Won't take much more time or effort but will get them doing what you want without them even realising.

Although if you've read the book you know how powerful it is!
 
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."
  3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.
anyone care to put the above into a refereeing scenario

no. 7 - listen, player. You've just kicked their number 3 up into the air and called him a f@ckin diving cheat for rolling on the floor in agony.........now what would you do in my situation?
 
That's only one part of it though Haywain, as I say it's not all relevant.

Out of interest, has you read the book?
 
There is certainly a wealth of leadership theory (and, more importantly, guidance and case study) which is really useful in terms of all kinds of situations, including refereeing. Personally I'm not a fan of Carnegie (for numerous reasons, but mainly the OTT superficiality) but there are a number of modern writers who cover the theme too. I'm sure I'm not the only one who uses work-related knowledge on the field - and the number of teachers who referee at higher levels - at least in my county - suggests that similar skills do help you get further.

If anyone is interested I would recommend some of the things about authentic leadership (Goffee & Jones). This is essentially about being true to yourself when leading - in other words, not trying to be somebody you're not! They talk about reading situations and adapting accordingly (changing your approach and style to suit), not relying on authority to gain respect but instead modeling preferred behaviour and being willing to 'step up' when required and the need to have followers. The last point is complex but in our terms means recognising when to be close to people (the friendly, rapport-building stuff we do) and when to be more distant (the laws-based element of refereeing).

I could go on - but this is in danger of being more work-ish than refereeing-ish - so if anyone is interested feel free to PM and I'll send you some links or something!
 
Interesting @Martiju I'll have a look for Goffee & Jones.

Obviously you know a bit about this field also by the sound of it than me, but I really think some of this theory has a place on the field in certain situations.
 
Without a doubt - leadership is pretty much what refereeing is all about - it's just that the language and approach has to fit the context of a football field. To be fair, I use it the other way round too, so when I'm talking to people at work about handling conflict for instance I often use examples from refereeing to show how voice, manner and gestures can calm situations. I also like to make the point that the worst work situations for anger and aggression don't even come close to what you can experience on a Saturday afternoon...!
 
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