The Ref Stop

Feeling Disillusioned

M

Matthew

RefChat Addict
Hi Everyone,

Apologies if this seems a little long winded but I really feel like I need to get this off my chest.

About 6 weeks ago I received an email from the referees secretary for my league with all this seasons cup final appointments. Unfortunately, I haven't got one this year. Just as a bit of background, my league has 120 referees and around 60 are needed for all the finals (refs, assistants). I was absolutely devastated, I thought i'd done everything right this season. My club marks have been generally good, i've had no real issues with clubs and plenty of positive comments from managers; in my eyes, I feel as though i've had a good season.

Since then, i've done 11 games and have continued in the same manner. I feel like i've kept up my standards but the enjoyment has gone. I love refereeing and the best part is I get paid well for doing something I really enjoy but I haven't felt that way since the cup final appointments came out.

I really don't want this to come across in the wrong way, i'm genuinely pleased for the refs who've been appointed but it just feels unfair. I've been in touch with my refs secretary who has outlined the appointment process and said that appointments are based on administration (something I pride myself on being good at), club marks and comments from league officials who watch the referees over the course of the season. I know for a fact that I haven't been watched by a league official all season despite the fact that i've reffed around 45 games; I just cannot understand what I have done wrong and i've been mulling over loads of things in my head trying to work it out. I just feel awful about it all. I'm being judged on club marks alone, this is kids football and the managers are petty. Any time I receive a low mark, it seems to be from teams who have lost. We all know the drawbacks of club marks. I accept that I make mistakes, like we all do but I aspire to be the best that I can be and this really hurts.

I know deep down that i'm a good referee and I can't comprehend how I can be within the bottom 50% of refs in my league. I work hard all season in the hope of getting a cup final and I just feel like i've been lost in the system: I haven't been assessed for two years and i've just got on with it working to the best of my abilities. I'm only 20 but i've been with this league for 5 years and run the line on ONE cup final. I must be doing something wrong? I must be a bad referee. If I am doing something wrong, which I must be, how can I change if i'm being ignored by my league?

I'm just really upset that i've stopped enjoying my games over the past few weeks. It's never been and never will be about the money. Without the enjoyment, what's the point?

I don't want to give up but I want to be the best that I can be. I can't grasp what i'm doing wrong, I almost feel cheated.

Once again, sorry for how long winded this is. :)
 
The Ref Stop
Matthew, don't worry about it at all! Just because you haven't been getting the big games doesn't mean that you are 'slipping away'. It sounds like you are in a Youth league, and you are also very young (20). If you don't enjoy being on that league anymore, simply leave! If you feel that you won't be able to handle the big step up, then use me as an example! I'm only 16 and have been doing adult football for 4 months, and enjoy it far more than youth football! Don't let a small thing like not getting a cup final make you think you are not performing in any way! It may just be that because your league has so many referees your referees secretary wants to try and rotate the games around! Chin up, and try again next season - if you stay with the league!
 
First keep your chin up and I'm sure you are a great ref and ticking all the right boxes.

It might be one if those seasons when all the refs above you had a great season and might have pipped you at the post by just one or two marks. So you may have avg 75/76 (which is a great mark) but they may have avg 77.

as the saying goes good things comes to those who wait.

If you throw in the towel I promise you will regret it. Don't let it get to you. You have the summer to get fit and get get to the peak of your fitness. Start next season as you mean to go on and I'm sure you will get a great final next season.

Good luck Matt.
 
If I was you I would apply for promotion. It might just be that because you have been an official for 5 years they are concerned about if you want to take it further ie moving through the leagues. They are more likely to help people who are pushing for promotions to help them further their careers.

I might be completely wrong which I usually am being a referee ;) Just an idea I had when reading your post.
At the end of the day next season go out and do what you do best, have fun and enjoy it.
 
I know its easy to say, but don't worry about it. Just because you didn't get a final doesn't necessarily mean that you are in the bottom 50%. Often, the people who appoint matches work in mysterious ways. Besides, not everybody will always get a final, look at Mark Halsey, never got the FA Cup Final. Your only 20, you have plenty of time. Just keep your head up and keep going. I have the mentality that you referee in your league and that is that, if you get a final, then its a bonus. Don't let something like that get you down! :).
 
Matt,

It sounds as if that you love being a referee abut you aren't getting the reward that you feel you deserve to be getting from refereeing in junior football. Some secretaries have their favorites even if they have a lower average mark than you do. I myself haven't got a clue what my average mark was for the season and even tho I felt that I didn't deserve it I ended up being in the middle for a league cup final.

You say that you don't want to give up being a referee but that you are losing interest in it. I would suggest that either a change of league in junior football or maybe a complete change into adult football might be good for you. If you are going to look at promotion you need to be refereeing in adult football and as the promotion applications have now closed take a season getting used to the style of adult football and make the most of it next year.

Are you a member of the local RA or maybe you could speak to your RDO/M and see what they advise what direction you could go in?

I hope this helps you and don't give up refereeing we all get highs and lows throughout our careers (hopefully more ups than downs)

Dave
 
Matt,

I've been in that situation as well: I've had seasons where I've been appointed to referee at a national championship, I've been marked an average of 72 in my assessments (70 is a good mark in Canada and it is extremely rare to go above it). I get invited to referee in a local cup competition and I'm told throughout the whole thing by managers that they really enjoyed having me as the referee (so I've got clubs' support, assessors' support, and institutional support) and yet when it comes to the final match of the tournament (a tournament which, by the way, is well below my usual level of officiating) I'm not even the fourth official for the third place match. I couldn't believe it. I was seeing red, in fact, and had to ask why I had been skipped over. My assignor did much the same as you: highlighted how he goes about his 'process' and it didn't at all tell me how I had been skipped over. I was confident I had been one of the best referees in the tournament and all season and that I was the referee at the tournament with the most experience. Turns out: it really doesn't matter much. They have reasons for giving out cup finals and season finals to referees and it was likely that I was not selected because they wanted to give a less experienced team the chance to gain that experience.

I'm not saying that's why you were skipped over, just that it happens to us all one time or another. You just have to work through it and not get too hung up on it. If you're a good referee, you'll get good appointments in the future.
 
Skip back to 2005 where I won referee of the year for one if the leagues I officiated on, and yet didn't get a cup final. How did that happen?
Can't say I was best pleased, but these things happen. I made it my goal to better this the following season. I then got appointed to 4, all in the middle. Well actually 5 as one if the referees didn't turn up so I got asked to do another on the same day. As others have said, might be time to change leagues, maybe step up to open age if you haven't already.

The important thing to do is not dwell on it, your time will come!
 
Thanks for the replies everyone! :)

To be honest, i've been considering leaving the league for a number of reasons. It's being so poorly run at the moment and on most occasions the referees lists for Saturday matches aren't put up online until Thursday night, leaving myself and the managers chasing round trying to get organised. Unfortunately, it's the only Saturday youth league in my area. In all honesty though, I get a lot of extra games from teams who know me and trust me as a referee, I wouldn't want to lose the links that I have with those teams and with that the chance to ref youth football.

I've also considered adult football, but I live next door to a playing field and go across to watch a few games. The way i've seen referees treated terrifies me and i'm not sure that I could deal with it. Yes, I come across abusive youths all the time, but I can deal with that and I know that its very unlikely that they are extremely unlikely to threaten my safety. I have no doubt that I have the ability to ref adult football, but that aspect really worries me.

In reply to Dave, I am a member of my local RA but due to coaching commitments I don't make many of the meetings. I'll have to look into it and see if I can pursue some other opportunities through the RA.
 
It's certainly a big step. I went from doing predominantly U16 matches to refereeing the top flight of men's football in the province and to say there was a learning curve would be a gross understatement. I was awful comparatively and had a lot of learning and adapting to do. It's been two years since I started reffing at that level and I have learned a tremendous amount during them, but I'm still getting better every game. Don't forget: referees hit their peak at around 45, according to UEFA. It doesn't help that I have to jump between youth and adult football to try and cover all the matches, certainly if I did only adult the learning curve would be lessened significantly, but it is coming along -- and it will for you too. The thing to remember: with adults, a quiet word works, a card works, but a public rebuking often just embarrasses them and they want to do something immediately after to try and win the respect of their friends back. I've found that after a few seasons, there are some players who calm down as soon as they get cautioned but they need to get that first one. Needless to say, they get a lot of bookings and it almost always leads to a match suspension somewhere around the halfway mark but they play like angels -- and often gifted ones.

The point I'm trying to make (if you excuse my tangent), is that adult football is a big, big step up but if you are strong and strict (ie: unafraid to punish dissent and OFFINABUS) then you will be okay.
 
Thanks for this Ryan! As I said, I think I'm strong enough to handle the game but the step up worries me. Maybe now is the best time to try to make that step up, it's definitely something worth considering.
 
I think you should definitely do it as soon as possible. The longer you 'put it off,' the more worried about it you will become. The important thing to remember is that you are the man in charge. Plus, it will help towards level 6 promotion. And that league may help your refereeing be more organised!
 
Matt I would like to give you some background in to my refereeing career (although it is extremely short so far). I qualified as a referee March/April 2012 and began officiating in the August/September of that year. I went straight into adult football on the advice of my RDO/M and got thrown in at the deep end a little bit as in the first game I had apparently I had an assessor playing for one of the sides and was challenging me on my every decision rightly or wrongly. Having just started refereeing my confidence wasn't a) where I wanted it to be and b) not knowing the LOTG as well as I do now. I had the same team just 2 weeks later and yet again the "assessor" was playing, immediately I thought "here we go again" but at the end of the game he came up to me and said that I had a much better game than the one previously and my confidence grew immensely just from that one comment.

I feel that although its a big step up from junior football (I've never refereed juniors but seen a few games) that because you have been using the LOTG in the junior games, you should have little difficulty refereeing in adult football.

The best piece of advice I can give you is be strong with your decisions and don't be afraid to caution/dismiss players, and to enjoy the style of football that is being played. Everyone here on RefChat will offer support and advice if needed so don't be afraid to ask, there's never a silly question.
 
Matt, it'll be the best decision you've made as a ref. I couldn't wait to start refereeing adult football; it's much better than 20 players running after the ball.
 
Dave87 said:
Matt I would like to give you some background in to my refereeing career (although it is extremely short so far). I qualified as a referee March/April 2012 and began officiating in the August/September of that year. I went straight into adult football on the advice of my RDO/M and got thrown in at the deep end a little bit as in the first game I had apparently I had an assessor playing for one of the sides and was challenging me on my every decision rightly or wrongly. Having just started refereeing my confidence wasn't a) where I wanted it to be and b) not knowing the LOTG as well as I do now. I had the same team just 2 weeks later and yet again the "assessor" was playing, immediately I thought "here we go again" but at the end of the game he came up to me and said that I had a much better game than the one previously and my confidence grew immensely just from that one comment.

I feel that although its a big step up from junior football (I've never refereed juniors but seen a few games) that because you have been using the LOTG in the junior games, you should have little difficulty refereeing in adult football.

The best piece of advice I can give you is be strong with your decisions and don't be afraid to caution/dismiss players, and to enjoy the style of football that is being played. Everyone here on RefChat will offer support and advice if needed so don't be afraid to ask, there's never a silly question.
Click to expand...

Thanks Dave :)

I really appreciate the advice and think i'll definitely start to look into reffing in adult football from next season. Obviously, that would go hand in hand with continuing to ref youth football as I don't think I want to give it up entirely.
 
I'd also recommend moving to adult level...I don't know if you're able to officiate in both adult and junior but we are in Devon and it means that you get a really wide perspective of how the game is played at different levels. But having said that, I would say that:
1. junior games are more enjoyable if you just want to turn up and (usually) have no problems with dissent, misconduct, etc.
2. adult games will challenge you as a referee and as a people-manager, but don't be afraid of that. They'll only disrespect you if you give them the opportunity to, and at the end of the day, the power of control is completely in your hands (and your back pocket if need be!)
Ultimately, despite a few difficult games at adult level, I have found it so much more rewarding and enjoyable, and you will find that the vast majority of players actually want to play the game and have a good time. They may disagree with you, but they will rarely carry it on after the final whistle.
 
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