Dealing with a frustrated coach

[Farncombe Pete]

I reffed an U16 boys match. Very clear dissent from the away no 14 led to two yellows and a dismissal. Not a single doubt about the decision.

At the end of the match, the away coach comes to talk to me, says the player was provoked for the first yellow by the assistant referee and so it should not have been given. I explain my decision but the coach keeps going on and on, saying but if he's provoked, it shouldn't have been a yellow. I say that I didn't hear any provocation but the coach should feel free to report it if he wanted to.

In the end, I tell the coach that I need to leave now. And I do.

Clearly, the coach was a bit wound up / emotional. But are there any tips for this type of situation, where you want to listen to the coach and explain your decision, but they just go on and on?

 

[Gabriel]

If you decide to explain your decision, then in my opinion that’s all you should do. Explain and move on. If they keep going on like that then I’d be asking them to move on and move away. If asking doesn’t work, then you have to decide whether you’re telling/dealing with it in another way. Definitely a difficult one as once you engage they think they can have a full on debate.

 

[OldNavyRef]

It is hard. I think listening and showing empathy helps. They are likely volunteers and put a lot of effort into everything.

But you do need to draw a line. Being concise with law helps.

"He was provoked by the lines person"

We both seen your player giving Dissent and dissent is a caution - no matter what.

Just be firm and fair. Don't get drawn into anything too long. If you have talked for more than you would like, tell them you need to shower and get changed but can speak after. This will likely defuse all the reactionary/immediate emotions as you are giving them 5/10 minutes to accept the defeat.

 

[RefereeX]

As long as they don't approach you overly aggressively and do so in a suitable location, then answer the question they ask. If they refuse to accept that and just keep asking the same question / arguing the same point, I bring out the 'with respect, I've given you my reasoning. We're now going round in circles, so I suggest we end this conversation here' and then move away (or if they're in your dressing room, ask them to leave... if they won't, report as required.)