The Ref Stop

Assistant Manager red card

dylanbailey4444

dylanbailey4444

Well-Known Member
Level 5 Referee
I had a men’s game yesterday, it was a competitive game where the players and the away team coaches appealing for a lot of things. In the 88th minute, I gave a free kick to the home team (controversial. Could have gone either way) and then the home team took it quickly and then scored. The free kick was in their own half. The away team assistant manager was shouting and swearing (although a lot of it was from a far distance and I couldn’t hear it specifically. It may well have not been aimed at me.) He then said ‘that’s bol*ocks ref, you’re bol*ocks’. This was because he sad frustrated- So I went over and I asked for his name, said that what he had said was inappropriate- especially considering my age (i am 16 and this was open age men’s football) and that he was going to have to go to the car park. He accepted it and walked without any arguments. He phoned me earlier today to apologise- but he thinks it was harsh. He said maybe a sin bin (?) or a yellow card would have been more appropriate. He said overall I did well but he didn’t agree with some decisions. I said that that was fair and it wasn’t my best game but I do stick by the red card. I got asked after the game by the manager (not the assistant who I had sent off) not to send the card through. I said that he shouldn’t have said what he have said and these are the consequences. I do believe that he had said some other things that I missed. The way he said what he said was quite aggressive and very loud. What’s people’s thoughts on this?
 
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The Ref Stop
Report the facts. Report being asked not to put it through. Report the phone call. Report the comments.

It’s utter inappropriate for him to call you after the event, regardless of any intentions, and I wouldn’t be entertaining it let alone debating it.
 
Why would he think that what he said wasn't offensive, insulting or abusive?

If you were to walk into his place of work tomorrow and say the same thing to him, how would he take it?

For what it's worth, I think you made the right all and well done for doing so.
 
Well done. Do contact your local RDO/mentor and/or someone else to talk about this. On one hand it doesn’t sound like you were intimidated but that could have been traumatic.
 
Fair play to you in sending him off. Simple never a place in the game for that behaviour.
However, regardless of how well you feel like you have done, or not, I would never discuss my performance with a coach. They never refereed and they have no idea what pressures you are under, regardless of age, to get the decisions correct.

I also find it shocking that a coach would phone a referee after a game to discuss an incident, regardless of the nature.

Make sure to report everything as a matter of fact, even the comments where you may have admitted not having the greatest of games.
 
Max2 said:
Report the facts. Report being asked not to put it through. Report the phone call. Report the comments.

It’s utter inappropriate for him to call you after the event, regardless of any intentions, and I wouldn’t be entertaining it let alone debating it.
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Thank you. I was quite surprised when I picked up the phone and he said who he was. I’ll get in contact with my local FA.
 
Viridis1886 said:
Why would he think that what he said wasn't offensive, insulting or abusive?

If you were to walk into his place of work tomorrow and say the same thing to him, how would he take it?

For what it's worth, I think you made the right all and well done for doing so.
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Thank you! I don’t know what he thought he would get out of saying that.
 
Macca said:
Fair play to you in sending him off. Simple never a place in the game for that behaviour.
However, regardless of how well you feel like you have done, or not, I would never discuss my performance with a coach. They never refereed and they have no idea what pressures you are under, regardless of age, to get the decisions correct.

I also find it shocking that a coach would phone a referee after a game to discuss an incident, regardless of the nature.

Make sure to report everything as a matter of fact, even the comments where you may have admitted not having the greatest of games.
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I was quite surprised to hear it was him calling me to be honest! And I’ll make sure to let the FA know, thank you.
 
Absolutely report the post-match phone call as an extraordinary report, that's massively inappropriate.
 
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