Junior/Youth "You're a disgrace and should quit football"

[DaveMac]

So had an u13 match today. Was good. First half number 14 was getting a bit over the top giving away a couple of free kicks and giving a bit of lip. He fouled someone and the lad had treatment. The manager treating the player started moaning about leg breaking tackles. Usual stuff. Number 14 mutters something about breaking the managers leg. Totally unacceptable and I told him so. If he stepped out of line again and it would be a card.

Second half great game, flowing, then starts getting a bit niggly. 14 with a cynical trip in the centre circle. I pull him aside and reminded him anything else he'd be getting a card, so take his name and a yellow. The game gets a bit more tense but soon it's over.

I then have 14's cheerleader assistant manager as I call them (you know the youth team that has a manager and 4 'assistants' who essentially use it as an excuse to moan to you) storms into the changing room saying he wants a word. He proceeds to tell me 14 is in tears and said I told him he was a disgrace and should quit football when I booked him. I pointed out there's no sense in me being out on a Sunday morning telling lads to quit the game. I offered to go have a word with him if he'd misunderstood the reason he got a card, but there was nothing along those line said. The assistants storms off muttering about why would a lad say I said that, probably cause his team was 2 up at half time and lost 4-2 and he's 12! I carried on getting changed and didn't seen him again. I saw his manager and once again told him nothing along those lines were said. He told me I'd be best just leaving as the lads dad is a lunatic. Once again usual under age nonsense.

I'm not worried by the incident as these things happen. However, is there any action you'd take in the sense of letting anyone know as I wouldn't want their team to make a complaint about the whole thing. Essentially I want to try and nip it in the bud before anything can happen.

It's all a shame as he was a tidy player and will get bookings mainly because he's got that competitive edge to him.

 

[haywain]

Dave,

Assuming it was an official league game then I also assume that you have to send a match report to the league. You can write the information that you want to write on that form.

Based purely on what you've written in your o/p, I can't help thinking that you should have had a word with him some time before his comment about the manager, a comment that surely deserved a yellow

 

[SM]

Depending on what you mean by storming into the changing area, I'd be reporting that on a misconduct report. They are invited in or they do not come in. I would also potentially be reporting the veiled threat at the end. Lunatic dads are their issue to control, not yours.

2 things. Events that happened would be written on the team sheet (if you use them) and I would contact the league secretary and tell them what happened.

Agree with haywain, the leg breaking comment to the manager is at least a caution. If it was an OA game, he would be walking.

 

[CA]

If I were you, when talking to him on the pitch, do it in a loud voice and make sure there are a few players close by (not too close), so they can hear and be a witness incase anything like that is said again!

 

[haywain]

If I were you, when talking to him on the pitch, do it in a loud voice and make sure there are a few players close by (not too close), so they can hear and be a witness incase anything like that is said again!

Players to be used as witnesses to what was or wasn't said?

Hmmmm....not so sure about that one

 

[Matthew]

Don't worry about the team making a complaint. If the team wants to report you, let them; you've done nothing wrong and it's essentially your word against his.

I'm with others on the leg breaking comment, I would be cautioning the player for that comment to the manager.

 

[SM]

And this is why adult football is a much more straight forward place to do your refereeing!!!!!

 

[DaveMac]

Thanks for the advice. In hindsight the leg comment I should have booked him for. My logic at the time was it was a fairly nice game at that point. The lad had a bit of a running battle with the opposite teams 23 not many fouls but a bit of gentle pushing etc at throws. Nothing out of hand and I'd had a word with them both to calm down. The leg breaking comment wasn't said in a particularly aggressive fashion, more a sort of mutter. I did give him a very loud dressing down for it and made it clear that was it. I try with lads this age to give them as much leniency as possible. But I do agree and wish I'd booked him then as it would have nipped it in the bud. By the time he committed the fairly obvious trip in the second half I felt I had no choice than to bring out the card as had made such a big deal about his last chance.

I'm not really bothered by the whole situation, but for obvious reasons no one wants to have something like that said against them.

It's a weird one as it was a really decent game apart from a couple of flare ups. The managers son of the losing team was on the end of a fairly rough tackle, mistimed but nothing malicious. The manager runs on to treat him, and asks him who done it, the boy says the number 9 and then in front of me, not even trying to hide it says to his son "next time you get a chance then leave something on him. I mean it." Sometimes my faith in football is totally crushed by these horrendous men who run football teams.

It does make me think OA is probably worth doing as least the players will call you all the names under the sun, but will do it to your face and most of the time willing to shake your hand at the end!

 

[Cheshire Ref]

And this is why adult football is a much more straight forward place to do your refereeing!!!!!

I agree handling 22 men is 10 times easier than handling 22+ parents, I have never got involved in junior football for these reasons. I also agree some of these managers and coaches need to have a long hard look at themselves at times!!!

 

[lincs22]

Depending on what you mean by storming into the changing area, I'd be reporting that on a misconduct report. They are invited in or they do not come in. I would also potentially be reporting the veiled threat at the end. Lunatic dads are their issue to control, not yours.

2 things. Events that happened would be written on the team sheet (if you use them) and I would contact the league secretary and tell them what happened.

Agree with haywain, the leg breaking comment to the manager is at least a caution. If it was an OA game, he would be walking.

Given that these junior clubs are al under the "Chartered Standard" status and the clubs get financial rewards from CFA's & other bodies for maintaining this standard, the Asst Mgr definitely wants reporting to either the League or CFA, depending on serious of storming in. No club official is allowed to enter without your express permission - if they do this once, they think that they have the right to next week.

These are the parents who cause the problems - clubs are normally well run, but have idiots associated with them.

Drive the idiots away, they do not want players and referees to develop, only WIN at all costs......

 

[DaveMac]

With regard the ass man storming into the changing room. I was just leaving and met him on the way. I know I shouldn't assume, however if I hadn't been on the way out he would have stormed in. So can't pre judge judge that.

Interestingly the club secretary was there and when the assistant had flounced off said to me not to worry about it, which was fair enough. Then to my amusement she asked if she could take my number as they struggle to get referees down there for all their games and asked if I'd be free this weekend! Hardly a surprise when they treat refs like that. But did make me think my performance couldn't have been that awful,

 

[haywain]

The managers son of the losing team was on the end of a fairly rough tackle, mistimed but nothing malicious. The manager runs on to treat him, and asks him who done it, the boy says the number 9 and then in front of me, not even trying to hide it says to his son "next time you get a chance then leave something on him. I mean it."

Surely a misconduct report every time for this comment.

Unfortunately, lenient refereeing, especially where yoof is concerned, or a reluctance to deal with and, if necessary, report a variety of incidents such as the above puts the referee in the same camp as the managers, coaches and players that the game would clearly be better without

 

[DaveMac]

Surely a misconduct report every time for this comment.

Unfortunately, lenient refereeing, especially where yoof is concerned, or a reluctance to deal with and, if necessary, report a variety of incidents such as the above puts the referee in the same camp as the managers, coaches and players that the game would clearly be better without

I have raised this with the referee secretary who is also part of the disciplinary panel of the league and will be discussing it later. I am really not a fan of adults telling kids things like this. To their credit the league tend to deal with these things quite well

 

[DaveMac]

Not sure anyone cares. But the referee secretary for the league rang me last night to confirm my games for the weekend. Then said he'd heard something unofficially and wanted to hear my version of things.

Turns out the lad has changed his story and apparently I spoke to him after the game, which is even more ludicrous as I just shake hands with managers and walk off. The refs secretary said knowing me it seems like something really out of character for me to say and sounds like a load of rubbish. So hopefully nothing more will come of it.

I also brought up the point about what the manager said and the refs secretary was very disappointed. The manager used to be a player for the secretary when he was managing and he sees him all the time. So will be bringing it up with him when he sees him this week, and will be getting the child welfare members involved as well. I did manage to clear one thing up. I thought I recognised the manager and just thought I must have refereed for him before and forgotten. But turns out he's an ex pro!

 

[haywain]

Not sure anyone cares. But the referee secretary for the league rang me last night to confirm my games for the weekend. Then said he'd heard something unofficially and wanted to hear my version of things.

Turns out the lad has changed his story and apparently I spoke to him after the game, which is even more ludicrous as I just shake hands with managers and walk off. The refs secretary said knowing me it seems like something really out of character for me to say and sounds like a load of rubbish. So hopefully nothing more will come of it.

I also brought up the point about what the manager said and the refs secretary was very disappointed. The manager used to be a player for the secretary when he was managing and he sees him all the time. So will be bringing it up with him when he sees him this week, and will be getting the child welfare members involved as well. I did manage to clear one thing up. I thought I recognised the manager and just thought I must have refereed for him before and forgotten. But turns out he's an ex pro!

Never start a post with 'Not sure anyone cares.' ..... You are my trawler, I am your seagull

I would think twice about chatting casually over the phone with someone who could be involved in the investigation / disciplinary process. You write a report, you wait to be called to an appeal, or not, as the case may be and you move on. Hopefully talk of child welfare officers for what is, essentially, a safeguarding issue, has made you realise that the manager's comments should be reported to CFA as misconduct every single time.

p.s. it's still not too late to send it to CFA as a misconduct'

 

[SM]

I would think twice about chatting casually over the phone with someone who could be involved in the investigation / disciplinary process '

Some like to do this as it means they are then excused from being involved in the disciplinary process should there be a hearing.