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Witty responses

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A few I can remember now and I actually use to good effect as ref or AR. I must add, genuine questions get genuine responses. You guys have any?

What was that for ref? For a foul

No Offside:
Who put him on? One of your players
What's his number? I didn't ask. He's not my type

It's his first one ref. And I'm making sure it stays that way.

How long ref? One minute less than last time you asked me
 
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Am just following this thread for the seasonal Christmas card jokes I might be able to use for December fixtures.
 
1st half, chatting to a player skipper wades in you just want to book everyone (hadnt booked anyone at this point I might add) .
My response was "no I don't, that's exactly what this chat is for."
2nd half skipper starts asking for a caution for opposition.
"hang on, in the first half you were complaining about me booking people, now you're asking for one?"

He looked so confused bless him. Didn't hear from him again.
 
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Regularly happens where dug outs will shout "You must be able to see that was out lino".

They then realize that they're stood way out of it and blocked my view.

Once that happens they stay in their area for the rest of the game!
 
Another one that I heard was a team was appealing for offside every time and started complaining about FA appointed linos.

Captain says the ref should overrule them and give offside.

Ref doesn't answer so the player says "are you just here to look pretty".

Ref says "you think I'm pretty?" 😂
 
Pet peeve of mine - someone shouts "how is he".
Often my reply is "he's grand, otherwise i would have blown my whistle".
 
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A side not for newer refs: these are always fun to think about. And experienced refs can sometimes find the times and places that being a smart aleck can work. As a newer ref, you are best off enjoying it in your head and not saying it aloud—the witty responses can cause things to go south if used at the wrong time, and it takes some seasoning to feel when they we’ll help rather than backfire.
 
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Justylove said:
I feel like I'm being stalked here, was a classic though! 🤣
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Had him raging for days. You know who I am now 😂 and boy oh boy are there stories to tell you about the gentleman in question. Hopefully catch you around!
 
When a player screams at you that you have got a decision wrong -
"OK, I must be rubbish. Since you saw it so perfectly, here have the whistle - your in charge. I'm going to the bar!"

OR "So, how many times screaming at the referee has it caused him to change his decision?"
 
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One of the good ones when a player says "that's terrible, ref" either in the game or at the post match handshake is to reply "don't be so harsh on yourself, you weren't that bad!"
 
The late, great, Jeff Pettitt used to tell the story of a referee who was getting constant grief from a manager about every decision. He went over to the dug outs and said "move up". Manager responds with "what do you mean move up?", so the referee replies "well clearly the best view of the game is from where you are sitting so I'll sit down and referee the rest of it from there" :)
 
My favorite was in a U18 boys tournament championship match. Corner kick, and one attacker and one defender are doing the usual jostling. The ball goes way over their heads and out of play on the other sideline. Both come up to me wanting a foul on the other guy. I just looked at them and said, "Well, I have both of you mad at me. Looks like I made the right no call, so let's play." I then ran off as both players looked at me with that look teenagers give when they know they've just been had (I am the dad of two teenage sons - I know that look well.)
 
Russell Jones said:
Sunday morning games down the local park with Club ARs. Disputed goal / no goal on the goal line ... quick glance down at your (£5.99 Casio digital) watch and then confidently run back towards halfway shaking your head :)
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Do this a lot and even point to watch and say its not beeping at me. Move along...
 
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