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True Story...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Kes, Jan 7, 2016.

  1. xPositor

    xPositor Well-Known Member Level 7 Referee

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    Two dyslexics at the top of a ski-slope. They ask someone "excuse me, when you ski down the slope, should you go left to right, or right to left?". He answers "sorry guys, I can't help you, I'm a tobogganist". "Oh", they reply, "can we have 20 Marlboro?"
     
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  4. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    Male Logic - Critical Thinking At Its Best! :D
    Woman:
    Do you drink beer?
    Man: Yes
    Woman:
    How many beers a day?
    Man:
    Usually about 3
    Woman:
    How much do you pay per beer?
    Man: Oh about £3.00.
    Woman:
    And how long have you been drinking?
    Man:
    About 20 years, I suppose.
    Woman:
    So a beer costs £3.00 and you've had 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at £270.00 . In one year, it would be approximately £3240.00 correct?
    Man:
    Possibly.
    Woman:
    If in 1 year you spend £3240.00 on beer, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at £64, 800.00 correct?
    Man:
    Erm...correct.
    Woman:
    Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a hight interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
    Man:
    Do you drink beer?
    Woman:
    No.
    Man:
    Where's your Ferrari?

    :p
     
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  5. Alex71

    Alex71 Well-Known Member Level 5 Referee

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    I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon

    I'll let you know ...
     
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  6. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    Angela Merkel arrives at Athens airport.

    "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

    "German," she replies.

    "Occupation?"

    "No, she replies, just here for a few days."

    :D
     
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  7. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    I've been going out with my girlfriend for about three years now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties.
    We’ve got different ideas about what the problem is.

    She bought me some Viagra.

    And I’ve bought her a treadmill...... :rolleyes:
     
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  8. Sheffields Finest

    Sheffields Finest Well-Known Member

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    Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
    They're cheaper than day rates.....
     
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  9. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    Nice one Yorkshire. :)
    Keep em coming .... ;) :)
     
  10. Sheffields Finest

    Sheffields Finest Well-Known Member

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    Some of my jokes are like the 2 isotopes of helium.....
     
  11. Tealeaf

    Tealeaf Resident Humanitarian Staff Member Level 5 Referee

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    That's the trouble with chemistry jokes. All the good ones Argon.
     
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  12. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    I've got a brilliant arrangement with the woman next door to me.
    I give her all my unwanted junk, and in return she lets me feel her breasts.



    Tit for tat ...... :D
     
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  13. Charlie Jones

    Charlie Jones Work Until You Don't Have To Introduce Yourself Level 7 Referee

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    my 2 lesbian neighbours bought me a lovely Rolex for my birthday last week ...

    although I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch ... :p:eek:
     
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  14. Charlie Jones

    Charlie Jones Work Until You Don't Have To Introduce Yourself Level 7 Referee

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    I dreamt I was a muffler last night ...

    woke up bloody exhausted!
     
  15. Kes

    Kes Suspicious Member Level 5 Referee

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    Exit Signs.

    They're on the way out apparently. :)
     

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