True Story...

[JamesL]

My wife keeps asking me to blow cool air on her when she gets hot.

But I don't like it, I'm not a fan.

 

[Peter Grove]

I have an eidetic memory so I memorised this complete set of encyclopedias I stole.

When the police came to arrest me I told them, "Hang on, I can explain everything."

 

[JamesL]

My wife is leaving me... She said it's because I am bald.

I'm not bothered though, it's hair loss.

 

[Peter Grove]

I just asked my local librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you."

 

[santa sangria]

I have it on good authority that someone in this refereeing community is possessed by an owl…

 

[Mr Dean]

I don't know hoot you are talking about.

 

[Viridis1886]

I don't know hoot you are talking about.

Twit...

 

[Peter Grove]

I recently changed my name to Steppenwolf.

I was born Toby Wilde.

 

[Viridis1886]

I recently changed my name to Steppenwolf.

I was born Toby Wilde.

Hey Siri... what's a Steppenwolf

 

[santa sangria]

Hey Siri... what's a Steppenwolf

PSA so no one else has to…

“Harry Haller, or Steppenwolf, is a man divided against society and himself. He despises bourgeois society and everything it represents: empty values, petty pleasures, intellectual stagnation. However, he is incapable of separating himself completely from the bourgeoisie.”

Count me in!

2,3,4

 

[Viridis1886]

PSA so no one else has to…

“Harry Haller, or Steppenwolf, is a man divided against society and himself. He despises bourgeois society and everything it represents: empty values, petty pleasures, intellectual stagnation. However, he is incapable of separating himself completely from the bourgeoisie.”

Count me in!

2,3,4

Sounds like he'd make a perfect referee!

 

[Viridis1886]

I just went to buy a dozen bees, but came out with 13.

I got a freebie.

 

[Peter Grove]

Why did the French chef kill himself?

Because he lost his huile d'olive.

 

[Kes]

My girlfriend left me because she says I'm so old fashioned.

I'll wager a shilling she's now courting a chap who's an utter scoundrel.

 

[one]

What do you call friends you'd like to eat with? Taste buds.

 

[one]

My uncle owns a coffin making factory. He recently opted to make glass coffins only because he wants to be fully transparent with his clients.

 

[Kes]

My uncle owns a coffin making factory. He recently opted to make glass coffins only because he wants to be fully transparent with his clients.

Remains to be seen...

 

[Kes]

I have a bag full of dead batteries here for anyone that wants them(?)

They're free of charge ...

 

[JamesL]

A colon can change the entire meaning of a sentence. For example:

Jane ate her friends sandwich
Jane ate her friends colon

 

[Kes]

I asked my wife, "What's your opinion on the state of English football?"

"Rubbish, she said. Absolute crap!"

"I thought it might be, I replied, but let's hear it anyway" ...