My first game advice

[Chrisp72]

Hi guys
My first game on Sunday was a little daunting to be honest I turned up the pitch markings were virtually non existent I told the home team manager of my concern he just looked at me and said are you having a laugh this isn't the premier league ! During the game on three occasions players picked the ball up thinking that it was out the both linesman rarely flagged who at times were in a better position than me to see the ball in and out of play yet both managers expected me to get the ball out of play call right every time .
There was no respect barrier , managers stood on both sides rather than managers one side parents the other like our particular league rule suggests I found myself trying to be to strict before the game kicked off so I let these things go was I right to ?

At one point I gave a direct free kick to attacking blue on the edge of the white defending team box there was a lot of pushing and shoving so I told the blue to wait for my whistle I also told the keeper to wait for the whistle so I could look along the line to observe incidents a little more just before I blew blue took the free kick so I blew and told him to take it again on my whistle he replied " for gods sake ref how "f.....ng long are you taking " I cautioned this player with a yellow then blew the whistle for him to take the free kick the kick was high and wide whilst the keeper was retrieving the ball the away team manager started laughing out loud saying to both sets of parents this ref is clueless he's booked the player then still gave him the free kick he should of then give the free kick to us then there was laughing all along the touch line I'm 40 yrs old I'm no youngster but I felt totally humiliated I just wanted to go over and explain my decision I then felt like I was wrong in my decision and that they were right ? Advise please ?

Right near the end a blue went in with high studs missing the white player by some distance I said "player watch your studs please " he replied " and you keep your mouth shut " I cautioned him for dissent with disgust from the player and his manager .

At the end of the game I stood waiting for 10 mins for the home team ref fee I had to go I had been out all day so I politely asked the manager for the fee he said I've got it in my pocket he didn't turn towards me he just carried on talking to the players he eventually 5 minutes later gave me the fee .
He then said" your not sending those bookings in are you ref" I replied " sorry I have to to which he replied ' nobody else has this season "

I gave so many warnings in the game I told one particular player to stop swearing at me about 5 times I thought in the end by being nice to him he would give up but it did not deter him at all I didn't want to be issuing cards in my first game as I don't want people to think I was a control freak.

I came away a little upset by it all even at my age I just wanted everyone to enjoy it I was very polite at all times I think they took advantage of that but I wanted to set the impression that I was a good fair referee .

 

[zarathustra]

Don't let it get you down mate, I was in a similar position when I took up the whistle at the start of this season (at 30).

You're just starting out on your refereeing career, the more experience that you get the more confident you'll be in your knowledge of the laws and their application as well as how you deal with difficult situations. Your confidence will be apparent to the players, and means that you will/should get a better response from them.

And, at the start, if you don't feel confident, fake it.

Just remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint, so don't get too disheartened when things don't go well, take the points onboard and use the experience to improve in the future.

Also, in terms of the respect barrier, teams not being on the opposite side to the parents, difficulty getting your match fee etc. Check your league handbook, there should be information in there about how you report breaches of the league rules which aren't covered by FA misconduct stuff.

 

[Jacob M]

By the sounds of it you were well within your rights to caution in all cases, although if someone is swearing at you 5 times I would question why they were not sent off, regardless of age. No matter what age/competition/level, from my limited experience it seems idiots are universal. Don't let them get to you, you're there to do a job and as long as you feel you've done it within the laws, impartially and to the best of your ability, forget about it and move on to the next one.

Early this season an open age team gave me hell for 90 minutes, I had them the week after and they were a completely different proposition. Every game is different and you should approach each one individually.

One pointer though, especially when you're on your own in park football, always get your match fee before the game where possible.

 

[Chrisp72]

Don't let it get you down mate, I was in a similar position when I took up the whistle at the start of this season (at 30).

You're just starting out on your refereeing career, the more experience that you get the more confident you'll be in your knowledge of the laws and their application as well as how you deal with difficult situations. Your confidence will be apparent to the players, and means that you will/should get a better response from them.

And, at the start, if you don't feel confident, fake it.

Just remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint, so don't get too disheartened when things don't go well, take the points onboard and use the experience to improve in the future.

Also, in terms of the respect barrier, teams not being on the opposite side to the parents, difficulty getting your match fee etc. Check your league handbook, there should be information in there about how you report breaches of the league rules which aren't covered by FA misconduct stuff.

Thanks buddy

 

[Chrisp72]

Don't let it get you down mate, I was in a similar position when I took up the whistle at the start of this season (at 30).

You're just starting out on your refereeing career, the more experience that you get the more confident you'll be in your knowledge of the laws and their application as well as how you deal with difficult situations. Your confidence will be apparent to the players, and means that you will/should get a better response from them.

And, at the start, if you don't feel confident, fake it.

Just remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint, so don't get too disheartened when things don't go well, take the points onboard and use the experience to improve in the future.

Also, in terms of the respect barrier, teams not being on the opposite side to the parents, difficulty getting your match fee etc. Check your league handbook, there should be information in there about how you report breaches of the league rules which aren't covered by FA misconduct stuff.

Thanks buddy

 

[Monotone Whistle]

Chris - firstly it will get better, but you must learn quickly not to be so nice. Be friendly, but firm and expect respect to be given to you and if it is not, take the initiative. Also, have confidence in your decisions, you were right on the free kick as the ball is not in play, however if the original kick was taken early and went out of play, I'd just be playing on rather than a retake. Whether you respond to the comments on the sideline is up to you, a simple "you're wrong fella, happy to explain the laws to you at half time" could also work.

Deal with dissent early and don't appeal to a player's sense of decency, it can make you look a bit weak, by all means ask them to calm down but one warning is more than enough.

I remember a game like that early in my career (I started at 34) and I almost quit afterwards. Loads of dissent, sarcasm and general unruly behaviour that I didn't deal with. I look back now and laugh, and imagine myself doing the same game now and how different I would be. I guarantee I would send 3 or 4 off but I did nothing at the time as I did not know how to deal with it.

Keep going, as you get experience I guarantee you will get more confident.

 

[Chrisp72]

Chris - firstly it will get better, but you must learn quickly not to be so nice. Be friendly, but firm and expect respect to be given to you and if it is not, take the initiative. Also, have confidence in your decisions, you were right on the free kick as the ball is not in play, however if the original kick was taken early and went out of play, I'd just be playing on rather than a retake. Whether you respond to the comments on the sideline is up to you, a simple "you're wrong fella, happy to explain the laws to you at half time" could also work.

Deal with dissent early and don't appeal to a player's sense of decency, it can make you look a bit weak, by all means ask them to calm down but one warning is more than enough.

I remember a game like that early in my career (I started at 34) and I almost quit afterwards. Loads of dissent, sarcasm and general unruly behaviour that I didn't deal with. I look back now and laugh, and imagine myself doing the same game now and how different I would be. I guarantee I would send 3 or 4 off but I did nothing at the time as I did not know how to deal with it.

Keep going, as you get experience I guarantee you will get more confident.

Thanks very much for making time to reply it's very much appreciated I will take your advice on board

 

[GraemeS]

From your description, it absolutely doesn't sound like you overreacted, or were overly picky at all. You'll certainly have easier games than that, and there will come a point where you'll have the match control at your disposal to stop them coming up at all, but don't forget that you'll know the law better than anyone there, and they need to let you apply it correctly.

I hope you don't mind me giving you a few small development points?
1. Back up your words with actions - and if you're not prepared to do so, don't say anything. If the lines are really not good enough and you're considering abandonment (very hard for your first match I know!), discuss it - otherwise, I'd save the comment for the end of the match: my preferred line at that point is "A pickier ref wouldn't have played on this pitch/with those line markings/with these nets etc.". I used to have a terrible habit of saying "no more of that or I'll have to show you yellow" - it's the same idea, you're either dictating your own future action, or looking weak when you back down.

2. Similarly, try not to get involved with the sidelines or debating decisions unless you're really on the verge of using your cards or sending someone away. Again, I tend to say at the start that I'm happy to explain my decisions, but if that develops into an argument, I'll be considering cards. Doesn't help you with the sidelines directly, but if you've got the players in your pockets, any management or spectators will follow suit 99 times out of 100.

3. Did you brief your assistants at all? I normally talk to them at the start (and have been told in assessments that I should get them together at the same time) and make it clear that I expect them to put the flag up whenever the ball goes out of play on their side or goal lines. You'll work out over time if you want your club assistants to give offside and/or what's the standard in your league, but ball in/out of play is the minimum you should expect and it makes your life easier if you can get that out of them.

4. Try to look and sound confident - the respect will follow, and then finally, the real confidence in what you're doing! Strong and visible arm signals, good solid (but not excessive) use of the whistle and clear, firm instructions will all help develop confidence in you. And develop a clear distinction in your head between when you're almost chatting to players and when you need to stop play, get their attention and give firm instructions. A blurred line between those two conversational tones (either in your head or from the outside) helps no one.

It sounded like you had one particular player begging to see red. It's a big moment when you send your first player off, but it will happen eventually - and then you'll look back on the slightly too mouthy players you let off with a warning, or the borderline DOGSO's that you convinced yourself were only worth a yellow and wish you'd made that leap sooner. Players can sometimes tell that you're not someone who likes using their cards (I'm one of those) - some teams appreciate it and respond well, others will exploit that and you'll have to either change tack or have a very tough match.

Wow, wrote a lot more than I planned to there! I hope this doesn't come across too patronising, but I remember starting out and not having a clue about a lot of this stuff.

 

[Chrisp72]

From your description, it absolutely doesn't sound like you overreacted, or were overly picky at all. You'll certainly have easier games than that, and there will come a point where you'll have the match control at your disposal to stop them coming up at all, but don't forget that you'll know the law better than anyone there, and they need to let you apply it correctly.

I hope you don't mind me giving you a few small development points?
1. Back up your words with actions - and if you're not prepared to do so, don't say anything. If the lines are really not good enough and you're considering abandonment (very hard for your first match I know!), discuss it - otherwise, I'd save the comment for the end of the match: my preferred line at that point is "A pickier ref wouldn't have played on this pitch/with those line markings/with these nets etc.". I used to have a terrible habit of saying "no more of that or I'll have to show you yellow" - it's the same idea, you're either dictating your own future action, or looking weak when you back down.

2. Similarly, try not to get involved with the sidelines or debating decisions unless you're really on the verge of using your cards or sending someone away. Again, I tend to say at the start that I'm happy to explain my decisions, but if that develops into an argument, I'll be considering cards. Doesn't help you with the sidelines directly, but if you've got the players in your pockets, any management or spectators will follow suit 99 times out of 100.

3. Did you brief your assistants at all? I normally talk to them at the start (and have been told in assessments that I should get them together at the same time) and make it clear that I expect them to put the flag up whenever the ball goes out of play on their side or goal lines. You'll work out over time if you want your club assistants to give offside and/or what's the standard in your league, but ball in/out of play is the minimum you should expect and it makes your life easier if you can get that out of them.

4. Try to look and sound confident - the respect will follow, and then finally, the real confidence in what you're doing! Strong and visible arm signals, good solid (but not excessive) use of the whistle and clear, firm instructions will all help develop confidence in you. And develop a clear distinction in your head between when you're almost chatting to players and when you need to stop play, get their attention and give firm instructions. A blurred line between those two conversational tones (either in your head or from the outside) helps no one.

It sounded like you had one particular player begging to see red. It's a big moment when you send your first player off, but it will happen eventually - and then you'll look back on the slightly too mouthy players you let off with a warning, or the borderline DOGSO's that you convinced yourself were only worth a yellow and wish you'd made that leap sooner. Players can sometimes tell that you're not someone who likes using their cards (I'm one of those) - some teams appreciate it and respond well, others will exploit that and you'll have to either change tack or have a very tough match.

Wow, wrote a lot more than I planned to there! I hope this doesn't come across too patronising, but I remember starting out and not having a clue about a lot of this stuff.

Hi Graham I appreciate all the feedback I receive and yours was beneficial to me thanks for taking the time to reply it is very much appreciated I will take on board your advice many thanks

 

[ref craig]

In my second ever game in the middle I had 2 red cards

 

[SM]

Agree with @Monotone Whistle - you were too nice! Don't worry about that too much though, that's how we all start, you'll naturally find the sweet spot between friendly and being firm as you gain experience.

You did correctly not to get involved directly with parents on the sideline, but coaches are very much fair game - if you hear something you don't like from them, stop the game and go over and make clear you have heard what was said and either a) he desist or get removed or b) just remove him if he has already crossed the line. Shoulders back, head up and look him right in his cowardly eyes - make no mistake, this sort of sideline nonsense from these people is cowardly. If they had the balls they would pick up the whistle rather than complain and belittle from the sideline.

If a parent crosses the line, go to the coach, have them removed. Game doesn't continue until they are gone. That person goes or you go.

With the players, if you are getting attitude and lots of dissent and feel you are (or have ) lost control of the game then batten down the hatches. Tighten your tolerance to fouls, no matter how soft, give it. Pretty much a no contact game of football. Slow the game down to a crawl. Anything that could be a card, now is a card. Any player stupid enough to mouth off? That's a caution. Anyone stupid enough to throw an insult your way? That's offinabus. And these cards being given out is done very, very slowly. They behave better or they get deservedly punished for their poor behaviour. If they start to behave better, loosen up a little.

Perhaps this game is not a great experience, but it is valuable as a learning tool for you. We all have this experience at some point and it feels horrible. Next time though, if you find yourself in this situation, you know how to react - don't internalise it and beat yourself up, externalise it and let your discontent be known to those on and around the pitch.

Luckily this sort of game is rare mate. Especially as you gain experience and the confidence that comes with that, teams quickly learn its not worth trying it on as it will become a very expensive game for them.

 

[Cheshire Ref]

@Chrisp72 what a great first game, nothing like jumping in at the deep end. By the sounds of things you have not got much wrong, the free kick was right, the manager exaggerating a laugh on the side lines and you feeling humiliated knows exactly what he is doing he, like Monotone said I would have no problem in saying something. I thought at your age you may know the basic laws of the game but don't worry I will enlighten you at half/full time. Again going back to Monotone he is right in all he says, be confident deal with things from the off. Never be afraid to dish a card out, of course we don't want to dish cards out we would rather "manage" the players but if they make themselves unmanageable then that's why you have them in your pocket.

Keep going you wont get a game like this for a while and the next time you do you will deal with these clowns much more confidently. When you do make sure you come back on here and gloat about how good you were!!!!

 

[Kes]

Well done for sticking by your guns Chris. Sounds like you did well.
Never let dissent go unpunished.
Ignore the ignorant people on the touchlines who think they know the laws and be smug and confident in the knowledge that your the one who does. When you hear people/coaches moaning or laughing at your decisions - don't allow yourself to feel humiliated even though you can feel the lonliest person in the world at that moment. We've all been there mate - welcome to the club.

Oh and well done again.

 

[Duncan Francis]

The best advice I can give you is to join your local RA. You will then have the support and guidance of fellow referees to help you with these questions.

 

[Charlie Jones]

well well well ... what a terrible ref it seems like you're going to be!! how dare you know the laws of the game?!

I jest! ... seems of course that everyone has summed everything that needs summing up - just to re-iterate @SM - we all start a little too friendly, you feel you want to be the 'ref that everyone loves' and when teams see you wander over you want them to be happy that they've picked you from the lottery pool of refs. unfortunately this isn't the case ... they'll never 'like' you, they may think you're a good pick from a 'bad bunch' but they wont like you. so remember that and that you are there to have fun and do a job, as much as they are.

secondly, don't take any crap from the sidelines - I usually find a quick thumbs up and sarcastic 'cheers for the tip mate' helps me, but each to their own of course - just don't ignore it.

lastly, to agree with @SM again (twice in one post?!) batten down the hatches if things start getting messy, take your time with all FK - pace the 10 yard slowly, 'on my whistle lads, keeper this is a direct/indirect, kicker this is a direct/indirect' ... you've taken up 15 seconds just there talking alone! and all cards ... pull them right away from action, give them a talking to, ask their name, check it back and spelling etc then show the card ... all takes time

but you'll be good mate!

 

[ref craig]

When I first started I let no player look up to me and now at times you can find ways to control the controllable but if there going to be arseholes then you just become a *******

 

[Chrisp72]

@Chrisp72 what a great first game, nothing like jumping in at the deep end. By the sounds of things you have not got much wrong, the free kick was right, the manager exaggerating a laugh on the side lines and you feeling humiliated knows exactly what he is doing he, like Monotone said I would have no problem in saying something. I thought at your age you may know the basic laws of the game but don't worry I will enlighten you at half/full time. Again going back to Monotone he is right in all he says, be confident deal with things from the off. Never be afraid to dish a card out, of course we don't want to dish cards out we would rather "manage" the players but if they make themselves unmanageable then that's why you have them in your pocket.

Keep going you wont get a game like this for a while and the next time you do you will deal with these clowns much more confidently. When you do make sure you come back on here and gloat about how good you were!!!!

Many thanks mate

Well done for sticking by your guns Chris. Sounds like you did well.
Never let dissent go unpunished.
Ignore the ignorant people on the touchlines who think they know the laws and be smug and confident in the knowledge that your the one who does. When you hear people/coaches moaning or laughing at your decisions - don't allow yourself to feel humiliated even though you can feel the lonliest person in the world at that moment. We've all been there mate - welcome to the club.

Oh and well done again.

Thanks a lot mate I appreciate the feedback

Well done for sticking by your guns Chris. Sounds like you did well.
Never let dissent go unpunished.
Ignore the ignorant people on the touchlines who think they know the laws and be smug and confident in the knowledge that your the one who does. When you hear people/coaches moaning or laughing at your decisions - don't allow yourself to feel humiliated even though you can feel the lonliest person in the world at that moment. We've all been there mate - welcome to the club.

Oh and well done again.

Thanks a lot mate

well well well ... what a terrible ref it seems like you're going to be!! how dare you know the laws of the game?!

I jest! ... seems of course that everyone has summed everything that needs summing up - just to re-iterate @SM - we all start a little too friendly, you feel you want to be the 'ref that everyone loves' and when teams see you wander over you want them to be happy that they've picked you from the lottery pool of refs. unfortunately this isn't the case ... they'll never 'like' you, they may think you're a good pick from a 'bad bunch' but they wont like you. so remember that and that you are there to have fun and do a job, as much as they are.

secondly, don't take any crap from the sidelines - I usually find a quick thumbs up and sarcastic 'cheers for the tip mate' helps me, but each to their own of course - just don't ignore it.

lastly, to agree with @SM again (twice in one post?!) batten down the hatches if things start getting messy, take your time with all FK - pace the 10 yard slowly, 'on my whistle lads, keeper this is a direct/indirect, kicker this is a direct/indirect' ... you've taken up 15 seconds just there talking alone! and all cards ... pull them right away from action, give them a talking to, ask their name, check it back and spelling etc then show the card ... all takes time

but you'll be good mate!

Thanks a lot mate good advice I will take it on board

 

[Chrisp72]

Agree with @Monotone Whistle - you were too nice! Don't worry about that too much though, that's how we all start, you'll naturally find the sweet spot between friendly and being firm as you gain experience.

You did correctly not to get involved directly with parents on the sideline, but coaches are very much fair game - if you hear something you don't like from them, stop the game and go over and make clear you have heard what was said and either a) he desist or get removed or b) just remove him if he has already crossed the line. Shoulders back, head up and look him right in his cowardly eyes - make no mistake, this sort of sideline nonsense from these people is cowardly. If they had the balls they would pick up the whistle rather than complain and belittle from the sideline.

If a parent crosses the line, go to the coach, have them removed. Game doesn't continue until they are gone. That person goes or you go.

With the players, if you are getting attitude and lots of dissent and feel you are (or have ) lost control of the game then batten down the hatches. Tighten your tolerance to fouls, no matter how soft, give it. Pretty much a no contact game of football. Slow the game down to a crawl. Anything that could be a card, now is a card. Any player stupid enough to mouth off? That's a caution. Anyone stupid enough to throw an insult your way? That's offinabus. And these cards being given out is done very, very slowly. They behave better or they get deservedly punished for their poor behaviour. If they start to behave better, loosen up a little.

Perhaps this game is not a great experience, but it is valuable as a learning tool for you. We all have this experience at some point and it feels horrible. Next time though, if you find yourself in this situation, you know how to react - don't internalise it and beat yourself up, externalise it and let your discontent be known to those on and around the pitch.

Luckily this sort of game is rare mate. Especially as you gain experience and the confidence that comes with that, teams quickly learn its not worth trying it on as it will become a very expensive game for them.

Thanks for the feedback I will take note and will learn from this many thanks