A&H

Manager / Coach Abuse

M

Mattybuz

New Member
Hello. Apologies if this has been raised previously.

Today, I encountered a horrid U10s game. Most of the players whinging from the get go. Dissenting every single decision ( even in their favour). I'm aware of the sin bin procedure and need that bit of confidence to start enforcing it. Definitely a lesson for the next game. The home manager was dissenting on occasions - I admit I made some bad basic calls and I'll hold my hand up to them. I spoke to them after the game and just said I didn't like/enjoy game and said their conduct was unacceptable. He said it was frustration more than anything.

Where do people draw the line between airing frustration and dissenting? I have a high patience level which doesn't help..

How do people manager manager/ coach abuse and what strategies would you recommend?

I've came away from the game a bit flat. Partially my ref performance but mostly the abuse. It's got to the point where I'm feeling im not as good as other managers say I am. (I.e. not listening to those who mean most). Am I being overreactive ? Or was I well within my right to debrief with the manager at end of the game? He was a bit shocked but I felt I needed to say what I needed to.
 
The Referee Store
Stamp it out quickly. I don’t want to assume anything, but with it being an U10 game I’m working on the basis that you’re a fairly new ref?

Don’t be afraid to caution managers. It can be quite daunting, particularly if that manager is loud and boisterous, but once you’ve done it once you’ll feel more comfortable doing it in future. I’d also say U10 is a good age to really try and discourage dissent - they’re old enough to understand what is going on but young enough to change behaviour. Familiarise yourself with the sin bin rules as they’re rather (needlessly) complicated.

As you go along you’ll find a threshold for dissent where you feel comfortable. It’s down a lot to personal judgement. I would advise you to remember that players questioning a decision or putting slight pressure on you isn’t necessarily dissent in every situation, nor is a general statement of frustration. It is dissent if it is targeted at you, or is a public protest at a decision that you have made. In general I’d suggest applying the same standard for each age group, whether they’re 10 or 35, in regards to dissent. It depends on the team but it’s unlikely you will get high levels of dissent in a U10 game from a player, but is definitely possible. Also remember that anything offensive, insulting or abusive is a red card for OFFINABUS, not a yellow for dissent. Keep in mind the key difference that dissent is only ever aimed at a match official, whilst OFFINABUS can be something said or done to anyone on the pitch.
 
Just to get a few more facts:
How many games have you done?
Are you under 18?

We can give you solutions appropriate to you
 
Oh sorry. I'm over 18. Open age ref. Only done half a season plus this one, but not regular week in week out ref so I'm "new" but not straight off the course...if that helps...
 
Mattybuz said:
Hello. Apologies if this has been raised previously.

Today, I encountered a horrid U10s game. Most of the players whinging from the get go. Dissenting every single decision ( even in their favour). I'm aware of the sin bin procedure and need that bit of confidence to start enforcing it. Definitely a lesson for the next game. The home manager was dissenting on occasions - I admit I made some bad basic calls and I'll hold my hand up to them. I spoke to them after the game and just said I didn't like/enjoy game and said their conduct was unacceptable. He said it was frustration more than anything.

Where do people draw the line between airing frustration and dissenting? I have a high patience level which doesn't help..

How do people manager manager/ coach abuse and what strategies would you recommend?

I've came away from the game a bit flat. Partially my ref performance but mostly the abuse. It's got to the point where I'm feeling im not as good as other managers say I am. (I.e. not listening to those who mean most). Am I being overreactive ? Or was I well within my right to debrief with the manager at end of the game? He was a bit shocked but I felt I needed to say what I needed to.
Click to expand...
Start your next game on the basis that you are not willing to accept dissent from coaches or players (don't need to tell them)
First time it happens from a player, isolate the player near the coach and tell him/her in earshot of the coach that if it continues s/he will be sin binned.
If it's the coach shouting, remind them that it's not acceptable. If repeated, caution.
It won't stop with you trying to be the nice guy.
 
What I always say to referees is never ignore dissent, but deal with it the way that works best for you. If you ignore it then it will just snowball until it is out of control, but you can deal with it without necessarily needing to caution. A quiet word, a more public word, use of the captain, etc are the traditional ways, but sometimes just smiling at them makes them realise they are wasting their time. There's no right and wrong answer, but as I started with, never ignore it.
 
With coaches / managers i tend to shout "if i need your help i will ask - ok? on the first offence.

If they need me a second time the card comes out.
 
Mattybuz said:
Hello. Apologies if this has been raised previously.

Today, I encountered a horrid U10s game. Most of the players whinging from the get go. Dissenting every single decision ( even in their favour). I'm aware of the sin bin procedure and need that bit of confidence to start enforcing it. Definitely a lesson for the next game. The home manager was dissenting on occasions - I admit I made some bad basic calls and I'll hold my hand up to them. I spoke to them after the game and just said I didn't like/enjoy game and said their conduct was unacceptable. He said it was frustration more than anything.

Where do people draw the line between airing frustration and dissenting? I have a high patience level which doesn't help..

How do people manager manager/ coach abuse and what strategies would you recommend?

I've came away from the game a bit flat. Partially my ref performance but mostly the abuse. It's got to the point where I'm feeling im not as good as other managers say I am. (I.e. not listening to those who mean most). Am I being overreactive ? Or was I well within my right to debrief with the manager at end of the game? He was a bit shocked but I felt I needed to say what I needed to.
Click to expand...
I've got a bit of a habit of letting these things go too far myself, but I've found the earlier I squash the first incident the easier the rest of the match is.
In the moment, try to ask yourself this question: "Is this behaviour going to help or hinder me refereeing the rest of this match?"
If it's making your life harder, bring it to a halt, either by telling the coaching team to stop it, or showing them a card. Them being frustrated is not a defence for dissent by word or action any more than it would be for violent conduct.
The first time you show a card, they'll stop - or, they'll do it again, you'll show another card, and they won't be your problem any longer!
 
I recently learnt the 3 Ps as a concept for categorising arguing players/managers, and it's really helped me decide when to escalate.

Personal - Is the comment about you or just about a decision?
Public - Is the player making a big show of their disagreement or just questioning you privately?
Persistent - Are they arguing every decision/not stopping when asked, or was it just a once-off moment of frustration?

If it's the latter in all 3 cases, it can usually be managed with warnings (note that this doesn't mean ignoring it!). If it's the former in all 3 cases, you should be seriously considering if it's worth a red card. And if drifts towards the former in some categories but not all of them, yellow and a sin bin is probably right.
 
The low-level dissent or constant rumbling of discontent from players and benches can often be overlooked or shrugged off as “one of those things” or that no one particular incident is worthy on its own as a sanction. We all do it, anything for an easier life etc.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself to say - NO, actually this ISNT acceptable. It’s unfair on me as an official, and unfair on the opponents who are also an audience to one team bitching their way through 90 minutes.

Don’t be afraid to halt a game, and make it very clear to the relevant person that their conduct is improper and continuation will have consequences. More often than not it does the job. If they seem disinterested in your advice, then a repeat is such an easy yellow/red.

Remember that while you personally can feel unaffected by one team chipping away at you, it’s rarely in the spirit of the game for their opponents… and you have tools to deal with it, and will be supported doing it.
 
FirsFox40 said:
The low-level dissent or constant rumbling of discontent from players and benches can often be overlooked or shrugged off as “one of those things”
Click to expand...
FirsFox40 said:
Sometimes I just have to remind myself to say - NO, actually this ISNT acceptable.
Click to expand...
FirsFox40 said:
Remember that while you personally can feel unaffected by one team chipping away at you, it’s rarely in the spirit of the game for their opponents…
Click to expand...
I had all of this in my game on Saturday.

One player in particular in the first half, but all the team were like it to a certain extent. Low level dissent masquerading as questions.

I warned the player in the first half then advised the captain at half time of the conversation. He advised the player accordingly that I was at the edge of my tolerance.

Second half another player started on it. I called the captain over and spoke to the player and warned the captain that no more would be tolerated. Less than 10 seconds later whilst standing beside me the same player says to his mate, "He's giving us absolutely nothing". In the bin with you. "I was talking to my mate". "Well don't stand next to me for your chat next time".

He wouldn't shake my hand after the game. I've got them for a County Cup game in 3 weeks. I might remind him at the start that he refused to shake my hand! 😉
 
Last edited:
Practice using the whistle on your own. Use your tongue. Learn how to blast and multi beep.
The whistle is your main tool to shut people up.

And use your voice. Sometimes you just have to raise your voice and keep it there. Unfortunately it's not easy and you need to take control.
You might also feel more confident if you start a game and deliberately act more assertive and louder than usual - and see the response.
 
santa sangria said:
Practice using the whistle on your own. Use your tongue. Learn how to blast and multi beep.
The whistle is your main tool to shut people up.

And use your voice. Sometimes you just have to raise your voice and keep it there. Unfortunately it's not easy and you need to take control.
You might also feel more confident if you start a game and deliberately act more assertive and louder than usual - and see the response.
Click to expand...

Being more vocal is something I'm really trying to do this season. It definitely helps me be more confident and it's easier when something happens and you have to to start talking.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top