"After - Match" Hospitality

[Kes]

Many of the home teams I've refereed over the last couple of seasons provide "after match" grub/hospitality for their team, the opposition and normally invite me, the referee to join them, whether it be at their own club premises or a local pub etc. I'm talking about regular Saturday/Sunday football here, not Cup finals or proper "occasions".
I always politely decline the offer (for obvious reasons) when it comes, but wandered if any of you out there ever do go for it or have in the past? If you have, how did it go and/or did you regret going along?

Discuss please.

 

[HRW]

What's the "obvious reasons"?

if it's in a club house, I'll entertain a bit of grub and a bottle of sports drink (to be used at the next game / training session).

If it's off site at the local pub "x mins away" then ususally make my excuses and shoot off as and when I'm done.

TBH if you are referring to having had a bad match and not wanting to be in the lion;s den, maybe it's just London but I've not had many if nay problems.

 

[Ross]

Always! Even if I've sent someone off I'll go back. Clubhouse or pub, doesn't matter I'll go. Never had a problem

 

[Kes]

What's the "obvious reasons"?

Well, for me, the fact that you're there on your own. The players have their team mates. It just wouldn't feel right to me, although I've often thought I'd like to which is why I posed the question.

Then there's the obvious issue of post-match debate, possible antagonism, bad feeling. Make yourself a target and you'll be one more often than not. Besides, I was there as the referee, not because I'm "one of the lads". Do you ever see referees interviewed on tv after a match? Rubbing shoulders with the players? Alright, it's grass roots, not PGMOL but the idea of it smacks of non-professionalism to me. The ref doesn't get changed with the players does he? Maybe I'm an old fart, but the concept of it just seems rather odd.

 

[DanCohen17]

Always did, without fail. If it became 'antagonistic', I was out of there swiftly ("Thanks gents, but you and I both don't want or need to have this conversation, so I'm going to make my exit")

 

[DB]

Always, unless I have a game straight after or have made plans.

I usually have managers/players discuss the game with me, which I'm happy to do so. I'll happily sit and have a chat with them, have a beer and some food and then be on my merry way. Obvioulsy it's that easy when there's been no major un-contested decisions. If there had been, I'd still go back and have a beer/grub but I wouldn't talk about the match, or at least particular decisions.

I referee mainly in the leagues that I've been playing if for years, 9 times outta 10, there's always lads that I know in the teams so it's a good opportunity to catch up

 

[Mooseybaby]

Only if I am refereeing for my son's team as they have their own clubhouse and lay on post-match sausage and chips for the kids, so perfect excuse for a quick pint!

About the only thing we get from the club membership fee as despite claims, bars prices seem to be exactly the same regardless if you are a member or not!

 

[lincs22]

It is just good manners too. They have provided the hospitality for the away team and you, so be polite and attend.

If you feel that you cannot or don't want to, then at least have the courtesy of letting them know. We, as a league committee, sometime get letters from clubs who have put food, etc on an neither the Away club or the referee attend. They feel treated badly.

As my mother used to say "Good manners cost nothing".

 

[Kes]

It is just good manners too. They have provided the hospitality for the away team and you, so be polite and attend.

If you feel that you cannot or don't want to, then at least have the courtesy of letting them know. We, as a league committee, sometime get letters from clubs who have put food, etc on an neither the Away club or the referee attend. They feel treated badly.

As my mother used to say "Good manners cost nothing".

Not really sure why you'd feel the need to tell me all that above? I'm 49 years old and have probably forgotten more about "good manners" than most my friend.
Perhaps you might like to quickly re-read my first post where I said

I always politely decline the offer

??

Besides, I've given my reasons for not wanting to above.

Maybe you're a bit miffed at me for proving you wrong on the "assessments" thread?

 

[SM]

It all depends. Higher level games I tend to go for some sausage and chips (when we are a 3 and protocol dictates we should go) but local games when it is a lone ref I'll tend not to.

Mostly to do with kids still being young, so just want to get the game done and get home usually

 

[Kes]

It all depends. Higher level games I tend to go for some sausage and chips (when we are a 3 and protocol dictates we should go) but local games when it is a lone ref I'll tend not to.

My point exactly, and why I mentioned it not being about cup finals etc where there are normally 3 of you and it's part of the expectation/etiquette on the day.

 

[Tealeaf]

"Sometimes" response added. Bit more representative that way, and was my first thought anyway!

 

[mikedn]

I was advised by my tutor to always politely refuse such invites so as not to be put in the position of being bias. So i never do.... politely

 

[RegalRef]

On my own, absolutely no way.

As a team, at a decent standard supply league I line on, it's actually quite a nice experience.

As above when on my own don't want to show bias or be put in any difficult situations.

Not that I feel I couldn't hold my own, but it's surely grief that can be avoided.

 

[p4yno]

I agree with @RegalRef on my own I don't think I ever have or would consider. At Supply League I always have, you are looked after and treated very well, it's a nice experience. I look forward to the food, one side at Supply League does a home made curry and it's amazing!

 

[oh liner]

I think you should always do, unless you forsee a problem you being there.

Too many refs segregate themselves from the players. I'm there to enjoy myself and be part of the game, respect is a two way thing. It's sad that some refs feel they can't have a bit of banter with the players before during and after the game.

 

[Kes]

I think you should always do, unless you forsee a problem you being there.

Too many refs segregate themselves from the players. I'm there to enjoy myself and be part of the game, respect is a two way thing. It's sad that some refs feel they can't have a bit of banter with the players before during and after the game.

I always have a bit of banter going on during a match. It's part of my refereeing personality. That's as far as it goes though. You're not "one of the boys" any more than you're one of the actual players.

Only a numpty would go along if he foresees a potential problem anyway. It's having the brains to see that you avoid there ever being a problem if you keep the relationship between yourself and the teams you referee purely as an on-field relationship.

I truly believe that clubs lay on post-match hospitality for their team and the opposition. The lone referee is invited because it's deemed impolite not to. I consider it polite to decline.

 

[CapnBloodbeard]

Some clubs would consider it impolite to decline
I certainly respect Kes' view here. I partake in a local football forum, and it does seem to matter to the people on there that the referees partake in the hospitality. It's not a huge issue so ultimately do what you're comfortable with - personally I always declined, but that's largely because I just wanted to get home - but it tends to be appreciated. I guess it helps to show that you're part of the game not above it. But i respect the concern of over-familiarity. It's probably a bit of a personality thing too as to how comfortable you'd feel there.

 

[oh liner]

Don't know where one of the boys comment came from....odd. I think your mistaking treating a player as an equal to something else.

I ref because I like football

 

[Kes]

Having been in the army for over 30 years, I can safely say that being comfortable in and around people/strangers in many different surroundings and environments is something I reckon I achieve easier than most.
I just think a match official is exactly that. A match official - not an "equal" or a superior. That may sound pompous or arrogant to some, but it's not, it's just an objective view of how things actually are. I used to play, just like most on here, but now I've moved on to something else.
I posted this thread up because I was considering going against my gut instinct for what's right and proper and actually accepting the offer of post match hospitality one weekend - even if out of curiosity - just to say I've done it sort-of-thing. It always helps to get the perspective of others obviously, and I must confess, I'm quite surprised at the number of you who do go along with it.
I'm now convinced however, that my reasons for not doing so are the right ones. My involvement with the players/coaches/spectators etc is on the pitch - not off it.

Each to their own......