The Ref Stop

1st one back at it.

D

Danny

Member
Well after a yr almost 2 away from the middle I had a game this morning U10's, one of my teams as I couldn't get a ref.

Started the day with a quick chat to lads on both teams. Told mine I'm a ref only today. Then you get a comment from the autistic lad "you are the worst ref ever!" still mad I didn't give a FK in training.

Anyways game kick off no major issues in first quarter no real FK. Starting to feel happy and settled.

2nd and 3rd quarters I have no end of (what I thought were shoulders) but parents seeing as charges/barges, some from behind. My keeper comes for a ball, gets it and the man, but not totally getting ball under control and player goes down but didn't give a PK. Lots of pulling of shirts 50/50 before lads change to pulling arms... FK given for arm pulling

Feels like I'm starting to lose the game, parents constant moaning one Dad, dont moan... You wont f*cking get anything. To be honest dad should have been talked to.

4th quarter player for my team goes in for a challenge, another player runs across vision as it happens and player being challenged goes over. I assume a FK by the actions/reactiona but wasn't 100%. Then there was a scramble in box later. One of my defenders huddled over ball after sliding in looks like chest/arm on ball. They work ball away, but thinking it should have been a PK against.

Parents again moaning at the decisions. Come on ref get a grip.

Worst of all.... They we're mine. I run 2 teams and this was my 2nd team playing. My coach told me after I had a number of complaints from my parents.

Gets a complaint from other manager after game too, his parents felt awful at their side as my parents were so abusive.

So spent the evening replying to texts about the abuse I got.

Not what I needed as I thought about getting back to it 😢

I was really nervous beforehand, started feeling OK and left feeling S#1T
 
The Ref Stop
Try not to let it get to you.
Parents don’t know the laws and are completely biased.
Just see them as spectators rather than parents and try block out what they’re saying.
Having said that, swearing from the side in an under 10 game needs sorting. I’d have definitely spoken to the manager. You can’t have that language going on.

As far as the game, it doesn’t sound like you had s bad game at all. You can’t make everyone happy, and you can’t play for the parents.
I got a load of crap from the side yesterday after I stopped the game following the keeper, a defender and an attacker all clashing at edge of box. No fouls, so restarted with dropped ball. They don’t know the laws but think it’s ok to shout from the side.

If I were you, I’d get back out there and do some more games. I know you’ve not done it in a long time so get that confidence back.
 
All this from an U10 game? Wow. What did they think they were playing for, sheep stations?

I'd hate to see how your team's parents behave at training. Anyway I suggest you take one of these signs to your game next time.

Screenshot_20181022-180653__01.jpg
 
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Tbh the nerves soon went and I was feeling OK. I think my tolerance was maybe too lenient.

I forgot how hard the mini's were for the parents and decisions to make. I see plenty of resources to tune up, but somethings that's hard to relate to mini's

Shoulders to barge etc. How to work out when one becomes too much etc

Loving the signs too :-)
 
mini soccer should be fun and about expressing yourself and learning the game. Parents see this as their cup final every Saturday morning and can make it unbearable. Swearing from the sidelines is a no no at youth level. Speak to the manager remove the culprits and if they refuse blow your whistle pick up the ball and report the reason why you have abandoned.
 
It was very awkward being manager and for this.

In hindsight I should have used my coach to act as manager with said parent. As going over as ref to the swearing parent and/or the questioning one would potentially open a can of worms.

I have since messaged all parents and reminded them of the codes of conduct they all signed 5 weeks ago.

The one swearing is also the club secretary. I'm the welfare officer, so he got a second dose as I reminded all managers coaches and officials it's unacceptable.
 
Never play an intimate preview gig just for family.
Never premier your labour of love short film just for friends.
Never ref your own team in a competitive game.

...nailed on emotional disaster!

(Making mistakes since the last century so you don’t have to...)
 
Lost me on First 2 ha ha.

Last one, I had no options as there is a massive shortage of us refs the away team didn't have one mid week when asked and no parents stepped up
 
I initially started doing my sons team only and very quickly I realised what a sh1tty lot of parents we had (on my sons side), I was accused of being over biased towards the away team!!! I suppose that's a bit nicer than being a homer and giving everything to your own team... Bad mix really and I left very quickly to do OA.
 
I’m in a similar position in that I’m an U10 coach and a qualified ref. Luckily, we play in a league with a centralised venue, so supply of refs never an issue (the quality however, can be hit and miss).

I did ref a friendly last weekend and my parents know better than to shout from the sides. A lot of this is how you set your stall out at the start of the season - your expectations as well as the codes of conduct.

At the first shout/comment, I would have been over to loudly remind the offender (so that all can hear) that the game is about the children and not them, remind them their role is ONLY to encourage/congratulate. Any further comments would be met with a final warning that that behaviour will not be tolerated and that they will be asked to leave. Any more and it’s bye bye.

The classic ask/tell/act.

As for swearing, they go straight to stage 3. And club officials (your colleagues!) being the worst offender? I’d be giving him/her a very public dressing down and a private bollocking afterwards. Disgraceful.
 
And if I had repeat offenders, then they would be told not to attend matches from then on. If they refuse or cannot make alternative arrangements for the child, then the child would have to leave the club. You have to make it clear that that behaviour will not be tolerated at the club. You’ll be amazed how quickly the rest of the parents fall into line, and how many will come out in support of you afterwards, but didn’t want to say anything at the time.
 
I find there's really 2 types of clubs

The first is where they are really badly run and some of the bad behaviour is intrinsic within pretty much all aspects of it. The coaches have a bad attitude, this rubs off onto the parents and also the players. Education and talking to them rarely works, so you have to take a really firm stance, being willing to follow through on threats to abandon the game and report to county FA. Even as a Parent referee you have the same powers as an appointed match official. Also, it's likely you've been DBS checked so if there is bad behaviour from the sidelines then you can also use the child protection card. They have most likely got away with it for so long, that it becomes the norm. By taking that firm stance, they will hate you for it, but it's the right thing to do. You will likely get comments like "its not about you" to which my response is " no it's not, it's about your parents behaviour that is going to stop these children playing the rest of the game"

The second type is a decently run club that happens to have a couple of tools as parents. In these cases the coaches will know who the problem parents are and will ensure they get dealt with and will work with you to do so.
 
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