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Worst games...

Natalie P

Natalie P

New Member
Today I had 2 u11 match’s. younger matches get under rated for what happens in them. The first one was okay for the first 20 or so minutes, and then it got more competitive and there was pushing and shoving, but I feel as if that I can’t give younger kids yellows, or anything because there so young, and i have never saw younger children been pulled with yellow or red cards.that was the first problem. Then I had an offside, descion. Without lines men offsides are so difficult. Basically been getting grief saying that I wasent giving offsides, them this boy generally looked offside, and with it being on Astro, there wasent half way line and I thought he wasent in his own half and I gave the offside, and everyone was shouting left right and centre even the ones I gave the free kick to. I lost my full confidence, and with all that I had a child yapping In my ear the whole game, about every tiny detail, however I didn’t listen.
The. The managers started getting ****y, and with the lines flags because I gave a throw opposing them, they started just taking the mick really, and it really lowered my confidence.

I then went into the second game, it was okay for the first 30minutes or so, but again got very competitive a lot of shovingonce again but I had the same problem with cards. And this is were I really let myself down and I feel I should have bite the bullet and gave cards. Because my descions weren’t going the loosing way, the kids got very annoyed and one went to me ‘she’s on drugs’, I mean it wasent offensive but 11 year old children? I feel it wasent right, I then heard others saying stuff about my but couldn’t exactly hear what they were saying, but I heard some of the language and I just froze. I let it slide and at the end off the match I told their coach that if it was a more strict ref it could have been worse. But today really lowered my confidence and it was worse than any other games I’ve done.

I’ve did about 20 games now, and these have by far been the worse. Sorry for the rant but I just want people’s opinions on what happened.
Thank you
 
The Referee Store
Ok Natalie, I tend to agree that U/11's rarely deserve cards, there's always an exception though.
You may need to start having a public word with dissenters before getting the cards out. 'She's on drugs'' would have warranted a yellow however old they were.
Off sides are hard if your car's are not allowed to give them or are unreliable.
Why was there no half way line?
You made a call, just state out loud what you thought.
You can also ask then tell the managers to cut out the comments too.
It's hard, but it gets easier.....
 
Firstly, keep your chin up, some clubs aren’t happy unless they rant at us. Secondly, you can only give what you see in front of you, if you think the lad is offside, then by all means give it. I’d try and use the managers at that age to take the players off and calm them down, but if the managers are as just as bad as the players, by all means caution if you feel that your match control is at risk, no matter what age. I suggest you try and contact your FA to see if you can get a mentor/tutor to talk about your games and ways to improve.
 
Bradley Totney said:
Firstly, keep your chin up, some clubs aren’t happy unless they rant at us. Secondly, you can only give what you see in front of you, if you think the lad is offside, then by all means give it. I’d try and use the managers at that age to take the players off and calm them down, but if the managers are as just as bad as the players, by all means caution if you feel that your match control is at risk, no matter what age. I suggest you try and contact your FA to see if you can get a mentor/tutor to talk about your games and ways to improve.
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No do not get into this get the managers to sub problem players, sort them no matter their age, a word, a strong public word, a card. If the manager is wise he'll do the subbing for you, if not, up your card count! They h ave to learn sometime, why not at eleven!
 
I just feel like in my area people would go absolutely crazy if I started handing out cards, and I feel like if I give it for one thing you’ve gotta give it for everything. I’m the same with free kicks, I only give it if I feel it has been a proper foul, not a tiny shirt pull or a little push because the child is not strong enough. Because I don’t want to be giving everything to anyone, it just stops the flow off the game really.
 
Natalie P said:
I just feel like in my area people would go absolutely crazy if I started handing out cards, and I feel like if I give it for one thing you’ve gotta give it for everything. I’m the same with free kicks, I only give it if I feel it has been a proper foul, not a tiny shirt pull or a little push because the child is not strong enough. Because I don’t want to be giving everything to anyone, it just stops the flow off the game really.
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Yes, you need to allow a game to flow if you can......but, if you're getting grief because you let things flow, don't. Be vocal, when they appeal for fouls a quick ' nothing there' and they eventually cotton on!
Don't let players keep chipping away at you, deal with them, if you do it early you won't need cards......probably!
One other thing I learned was to tell youth players that it was me that made the decisions, not their parents, coaches or managers.........
 
Natalie P said:
I just feel like in my area people would go absolutely crazy if I started handing out cards, and I feel like if I give it for one thing you’ve gotta give it for everything. I’m the same with free kicks, I only give it if I feel it has been a proper foul, not a tiny shirt pull or a little push because the child is not strong enough. Because I don’t want to be giving everything to anyone, it just stops the flow off the game really.
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In my limited experience coaches and players will break the rules (laws) and then get worse if you let them. Shirt pulling: it's almost certainly a foul, unless you decide that it's OK to play on or signal advantage. It seems like you are going into games thinking you should not give fouls/cards for "the flow of the game". I think you should think the opposite. Your role is to whistle fouls and show cards when necessary. It's up to you then to decide (and learn) when not to whistle and when a card is not the right action. It is not your fault or responsibility if the coaches have taught players to play dirty and/or players are committing fouls.

And you are not alone. 22 players, 2 benches and the fans all disagreeing with you and questioning your ability happens to everyone with a whistle! 2 hours later they are sitting at home thinking: "she refereed that really well for someone so young!"

More confidence will come. Waiting until after the match to tell a coach that you coulda/shoulda done something...? I hope next time you can do it during the game. Tell the benches/players you have reached your limit, threaten the cards and then use them. If 11 year olds are getting too lairy tell the coach to help control the players.
 
Try to be strong and confident in your decisions. The first player that chirps up giving you grief, sharp whistle, call them over, make it clear dissent will not be tolerated and make an example out of them.

As has already been said, the 'drugs' comment is a minimum yellow no matter what age they are. If anyone questions you on this, ask them if they think that comment is acceptable. Chances are they won't.

Have you been assigned a mentor or coach since you qualified? If not, this could be something worth asking your RDO about as they can help and support your refereeing and perhaps improve your confidence
 
Yeah I did have one but I stopped keeping in touch with him, and yeah thank you that seems like good advice and I’ll definitely take it on board and change what I’ve done, same goes with everyone else’s advice.
 
Exactly why I avoided kids footy, because your basically refereeing the game with a different set of rules, they still have two legs two arms & a mouth but yet you feel you have to ref differently.

I can’t comment from a personal point of view because I’ve never refereed a kids game and don’t intend to but personally the kids have a brain they know what they are doing, I’d brief both teams and managers together and tell them what I expect and how i will deal with fouls & verbal etc, Atleast that way we’re all singing off the same Hyme sheet & there can be no complaints.

I’ve got 10 nieces and nephews and believe me the stuff they know these days & stuff they discuss on social media is frightening, My daughter is 2yrs old and I’m dreading it tbh.

Your stuck between a rock & a hard place with kids footy, you don’t want to be dishing cards out but on the flip side you shouldn’t have to put up with that, also being female they probably thought they could push there luck, your going to encounter the same teams over & over again so you need to build a reputation, most referees in my area have there own reputation & we as players knew what & who we could push, you need to do that from the word go and if that means booking 11yr olds or sending them off then so be it, if you don’t it will never stop.
 
Hi I do a lot of youth games but isn't U11s still 7 aside and no offside? As for the managers if they are getting loud and moaning at a break in play go over to the offending coach and speak really loudly and say I am reffing this game not you now please keep your opinions to your self. This will normally shut them up. I do understand that as a mid forties bloke this is easier for me to do but if you can do it it will have an effect.
Spectators shouting at you a quick shout and don't even look at them of I'm reffing this game not you will keep them quiet for a bit. Do not engage with spectators more than this.
A shirt pull or a push is FK all day long. People expect these to be given so give the fouls. Its not your fault if the game isn't flowing.
On dissent if an eleven year old is questioning my decisions all the time I would warn loudly once so every one can hear. The second time I would warn so the coaches could hear and say very loudly, if you question my decision again I will give you a yellow card. If he carries on then get the yellow out. The drugs comment is unaceptable and I would have YC for that.
I have never experienced dissent at 7 aside. At 9 aside I had an eleven year old swearing not at me but generally and dealt with it with a very loud warning so not only that child heard it but so all the others heard it as well. There was a retired observer who thought I dealt with it well although I was confronted by a parent at the end. I shouted at poor little Johnny who swore on a football field after being warned once.
Cards I have never given a card at 7 aside or 9 aside yet, 7 aside violent conduct offinabus directed at some one or spitting. 9 aside my tolerance is not as low as eleven aside but have given the odd card out as soon as they hit 11 aside cards are out and my club marks plummeted! But I am not last weeks ref in that respect. With more games you will become more confident. Try getting some lines as working with other refs will held and if you don't have a game watch another ref referee that age group and see how they do it. But we all have games like that which hit our confidence so don't beat yourself up about it.
 
Welcome Natalie!

We all have good days and some bad days.

There have been many discussions on these boards, at ref meetings etc regarding what is the "right" age to start carding, something people will never agree on. Whilst it seems to be an unwritten rule that the younger they are, the less likely they are to receive a card, however if an u11s behaviour crosses the line sufficiently/persistently, especially a comment along the lines of "the refs a joke, on drugs" etc then they deserve a card.

Nothing wrong with a bit of post match self analysis, but try not to dwell on the negatives and don't let the idiots get you down.
 
Well done for coming here have having a 'rant'. Apart from the support you get from experienced referees here, just letting it all out gives you a chance to reflect on it and kind of help you put bad experience behind you.

I have mentioned this before. Referees make mistakes. It's unfortunate that most players, parents and coaches don't understand and accept this. But the best thing you can do for yourself is understand and accept that you are not excempt from making mistakes. As a first year referee you are likely to make more mistakes than usual. And as a youngish referee it's going to be harder for you to manage reaction to your mistakes.

There is plenty of advise here on managing specific mach situation so I won't go into that. I will tell you know about confidence.

Confidence is about knowing and beliveing in yourself. Not believing in yourself that you go out there and make every correct decision. But that you go out there give it 100 percent and come out holding you head high knowing you have done the best job you can do within your capabiliy. Once you do that, accept making mistake is part of the job and sometimes you are going to have tough games. Believe in those things, continue learning and improving and you will be enjoy it a lot more and confidence becomes automatic.
 
Hi Natalie - well done for giving an honest assessment of your game. Let's be clear the laws of the game apply to all age groups. Sounds like you tried to referee with common sense and the others would not let you. Not sure where you are based, but the youth league I am attached to would be all over this as we don't tolerate young referees being abused. I am based in Nottingham. My advice would be speak to a more senior colleague you can trust locally for advice also try to find if there is a senior female colleague who can help and will take you under there wing to support you. In Nottingham I am heading up a female referee academy that has been run for the first time this season, and female referees work in teams of three in safe environment at the RTC the girls the are all 14, 15, 16 and 17 in the main love it because they all lover football and play football, but have mentor support to build there confidence - good luck with your refereeing PM me if I can help further
Regards Andy
 
Natalie P said:
Yeah I did have one but I stopped keeping in touch with him, and yeah thank you that seems like good advice and I’ll definitely take it on board and change what I’ve done, same goes with everyone else’s advice.
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Hi @Natalie P - there was numerous other experienced officials who will be able to help, if you haven't got a relationship with your FA mentor. Ask at your local RA, people there will have lots of potential solutions and ways of assisting you.

Or failing that, this forum has good and bad ideas...
 
lincs22 said:
Hi @Natalie P - there was numerous other experienced officials who will be able to help, if you haven't got a relationship with your FA mentor. Ask at your local RA, people there will have lots of potential solutions and ways of assisting you.

Or failing that, this forum has good and bad ideas...
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Agreed, mentoring is the key. It's also important to have a good Refsec who gives you the right games which develop your skills slowly
 
lincs22 said:
Hi @Natalie P - there was numerous other experienced officials who will be able to help, if you haven't got a relationship with your FA mentor. Ask at your local RA, people there will have lots of potential solutions and ways of assisting you.

Or failing that, this forum has good and bad ideas...
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Big Cat said:
Agreed, mentoring is the key. It's also important to have a good Refsec who gives you the right games which develop your skills slowly
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Natalie's local FA is the Durham FA. If there is anybody on here from that area would you kindly consider dropping her a PM? You may be better placed than the rest of us to help out here ;)
 
Hi Natalie, as others have said, well done for coming on here and asking for advice. I'm considerably older than you and i'm in my first season of refereeing, so I can't offer as good advice of what others above have said, but I can tell you that they have given good advice and i'll be putting some of it into practice in my games.

That being said, I referee under 12's games, and i'd like to think that i'm pretty good at ignoring the comments from the sidelines (parents side), as i'm concentrating on the game. Don't let the parents sway you as that's what some parents try to do - undermine your decisions etc. If they were that good at knowing the LotG, they'd be in the middle - not you. Don't let the kids get to you, twice this season i've had to deal with a player that swore at his teammates (separate games) - and i shouted to him that i don't have that sort of language on my pitch, and if he continued he wouldn't be on for much longer. After one of the games, I was approached by a parent that asked for a word. I didn't know what to expect until I saw the kid (that swore) and then i was expecting a confrontation. The parent had brought his child over to apologise - which I accepted but said that he should also be apologising to his teammates. The second was an offside decision that i felt i got right but the offending teams manager and parents thought i'd got it wrong (they would have been clean through on goal in a very tight game). As you say it can be difficult. After the game i had a parent approach me (again!) from the offending team, and said i'd got it absolutely spot on. I don't know who was right or wrong (me or the other teams parents and managers etc) but that one comment really lifted me.

You're going to have good games and bad games but all i'll say is - you are the boss, you've taken the time to complete the course and generally you will know more about the LotG than most junior football managers, regardless of if they used to play or not. Don't give up, if you enjoy it half as much as i do, I'm sure you'll do really well.
 
Tealeaf said:
Natalie's local FA is the Durham FA. If there is anybody on here from that area would you kindly consider dropping her a PM? You may be better placed than the rest of us to help out here ;)
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Natalie - get your colleagues to introduce you to Lucy Oliver who is based in the north east. Lucy is great she even offered to come to Nottingham to support our female referees
 
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