U15 Tier 1 Bad Match

[Jayden]

I'm a 15 yr old ref and got allocated to a top tier title race U15 Girls match this weekend. Due to previous good performances across the age groups my club allocated me this game, and it could not of gone worse.

Both teams constantly were complaining about small nudges to the back that had no impact whatsoever or small tugs or anything they could. It was a physical game, however quite a lot of the tackles were fair. There were a few follow through's I did miss after the pressure got to me from the teams. My linesman from the home team (my parent club) was not helping either. Away team winger cuts inside and took a show which hit the home team CB, then bounced back off the attacker and hit another home team defender for a corner. I had a direct view of this compared to my linesman looking through several players. I called corner and was alerted the linesman called goal kick. I signald for him to put his flag down and he tossed his hands up annoyed and stayed adament that it was a goal kick.

The game continued in this manner where everything was questioned, I lost all my confidence in my abilities by half time and loss control of the game. Looking back I could have changed this from earlier descisions, being stronger with players and trying to reel in the game to my pace. The first half ended a draw, with my morale high knowing pretty much all my descisions were correct from a reffing standpoint, but the second half was a spiral of hell. Everything was questions, tackle after tackle with some follow through's I simply ignored, which I am not sure why myself! Overall an awful game. At one point, my home team linesman signaled a corner by holding his hand out for a goal kick and then flicking the flag to point the corner flag. Having not see the play unfold and see what looked like a goal kick signal, I called goal kick, and saw his annoyance, so went over to ask him. I was met with total arrogance of him saying, 'It's a corner, but you have called a goal kick', in a condesending tone. I replied by simply apologising saying i misread the signal to which he lashed out at me saying, 'You need to get a grip and control this game' and, 'You need to take the advice you are given' This man must of been about 50 years of age and came right at me to say this, so I simply said, my descision is final, and I don't appriciate his dont - do I need to find a new linesman? He didn't reply and after this minuet disagreement I continued the game.

I finished the game and hurried off the pitch. I immideately called my referee secretary and told her about the incident. She told me to report the linesman which I have done so, but I haven't felt the same about officiating since. I had aspirations to officiate at open age after my 16th birthday but I am now second guessing myslef. Thought i'd vent about it on here as never have I had as traumatic of a game, and I have previously had similar games with high teams and academy's but none affected me this bad.

 

[OnlyUseMeWhistle]

Both teams constantly were complaining about small nudges to the back that had no impact whatsoever or small tugs or anything they could. It was a physical game, however quite a lot of the tackles were fair.

Sorry you had a tough game mate, I referee women's football pretty much exclusively and even at Tier 3/4 you still get a lot more complaining about this kind of contact compared to the men's game. Just trust your judgement and the laws

I signald for him to put his flag down and he tossed his hands up annoyed and stayed adament that it was a goal kick.

Petulance from a grown man aimed at a child (not to patronise you but that is how an adult should view you) not shocked but it shows his immaturity, you'll be bothered by this behaviour less and less as you get more experience.

he lashed out at me saying, 'You need to get a grip and control this game' and, 'You need to take the advice you are given' This man must of been about 50 years of age and came right at me to say this, so I simply said, my descision is final, and I don't appriciate his dont - do I need to find a new linesman? He didn't reply and after this minuet disagreement I continued the game.

Well done for sticking up for yourself, this is unacceptable conduct from the CAR but you managed it well. You'd have been well within your rights to swap him out but that could have caused more headaches

I had aspirations to officiate at open age after my 16th birthday but I am now second guessing myslef. Thought i'd vent about it on here as never have I had as traumatic of a game, and I have previously had similar games with high teams and academy's but none affected me this bad.

Good on you for venting - and sounds like you handled a lot of that really well! You have to be there to judge for sure but even if you had a stinker in the second half: it happens!

I've had games or even periods where I have just seen control get away from me and been unable to get it back - I think the panic that sets in doesn't help you spot the opportunities to get it back.

Look at it this way after those games, every mistake is teaching you something and you're learning. My first game was a 1-1 draw, both penalties - 1 should not have been given and the other scored by the taker after hitting the post so shouldn't have counted!

 

[santa sangria]

Well done! That you can come here and articulate this shows you have great potential don’t give up! I also had a U15 top tier girls this weekend. It can be tough - the players train 5/6 times a week, coaches can be crazy. They can be all nicey nicey pre-match but they can turn - and like most serious footballers/coaches - if they sense weakness in the officials they will exploit it.

You have identified in your first few words: lots of complaining (low level dissent), unclear foul tolerance from you. This is the stuff you learn from doing more difficult games.

Girls matches can be tough. No one wants water polo refereeing with every contact punished. But you have to find the actual fouls. But then not interfere too much if the game is slow. So it can be hard!

Best advice is to proactively explain your decisions AND non-decisions. Short! “Carry on”, “not enough”, “normal football contact”, “small foul, big effect”. Or whatever works for you.

And yes, your AR let you down there. He is jealous. He wanted the game! A better AR/ref would support you and give you constructive half time / full time advice. QED, that’s why he didn’t get the game!!!

 

[Gabriel]

Are you based in England? Bc if so you shouldn’t have been appointed this match anyway at 15. But it does sound like you handled it well anyway! Sometimes we have bad games or don’t enjoy it as much as normal, but the best refs are the ones who acknowledge that and move on.

 

[The Gump]

First and foremost @Jayden - we all have games we wish we could have back and the fact you're already reflecting on that is a very good thing, but be in no doubt that the behaviour of the CAR (it reads like it's a parent, rather than an appointed AR?) was disgraceful so well done for reporting him. If you haven't already, I would also report directly to the club if, as it appears, it's a parent of the same club that's appointed you to the game. I know it's difficult to do as a youth referee dealing with an adult CAR, but in future the minute a CAR is arguing with your decisions or spitting out their dummy is the minute you ask the club responsible to replace him/her.

I had a similar game back in October where I was too soft on the constant 'feedback' from one team. Whilst I stayed focused and my decision making didn't suffer, it made the second half unpleasant and could have been easily dealt with by a Sin Bin having already used the stepped approach (quiet word, public rebuke, involve the captain), albeit I'd already let too much go before using the stepped approach. Had the same team three times since but was able to put that experience to use and never had a problem with them since.

Whilst I find it bizarre that technically you shouldn't have been refereeing this game as a 15yo yet next year you can referee Open Age, don't give up on OA next season yet. However, it might be worth doing some U18s first to ease you into it as whilst it doesn't fully compare I've found it does help you in the transition from youth to OA.

Finally, I've certainly found that I learn a lot more and improve from officiating games that aren't straightforward and that are challenging for a variety of reasons or from mistakes I've made, even if I'm the only one who's noticed the mistake (eg poor positioning). You will undoubtedly come away from this experience an even better referee, more equipped to deal with a similar scenario should it happen again.

 

[Jayden]

Are you based in England? Bc if so you shouldn’t have been appointed this match anyway at 15. But it does sound like you handled it well anyway! Sometimes we have bad games or don’t enjoy it as much as normal, but the best refs are the ones who acknowledge that and move on.

Yeah I am in England - I know by age I’m technically not meant to do it, but my club has a set pool of officials we allocate all our home games with at least 75% of us being my age so this type of allocation is common. Our county FA know this and seem to be okay with it, it wasn’t the first time I’ve taken that team this year either (or another U15 team!) - and thanks for the support!

 

[RustyRef]

Yeah I am in England - I know by age I’m technically not meant to do it, but my club has a set pool of officials we allocate all our home games with at least 75% of us being my age so this type of allocation is common. Our county FA know this and seem to be okay with it, it wasn’t the first time I’ve taken that team this year either (or another U15 team!) - and thanks for the support!

You’re young and inexperienced, will make mistakes and will have difficult games. I’m coming up to 30 years refereeing, still make mistakes, the difference as you get more experienced is you can draw on that experience to deal with those difficult games.

Sounds like you dealt with it as well as can be expected. Be very wary of refereeing age groups that you aren't allowed to though, you say that your CFA know and are OK with it, but I can absolutely promise you that if there is a major incident in one of those games them allegedly knowing won't stop them charging you.

 

[refs1]

Hi Jayden

Take a step back, referee a lower aged group to build back up again that confidence. Main think get advice from a mentor or coach. Do not dwell on it. Move onto the next game.

 

[Jaylen]

Hi Jayden. I am also a 15-year-old referee, and I completely understand your feelings. I recently did a game where the manager was relentlessly in my ear for the full 70 minutes (U13), shouting and swearing at me when a decision didn't go his way. The best thing to do is to keep going and not dwell on it. I just keep in the back of my head that I am probably the only person getting paid to be here so take a break if you need to and move on to the next game. Hope this helps mate.

 

[Archer]

If a manager’s relentlessly in your ear shouting and swearing for the whole match… his match should end a lot earlier than yours.

 

[santa sangria]

Hi Jayden. I am also a 15-year-old referee, and I completely understand your feelings. I recently did a game where the manager was relentlessly in my ear for the full 70 minutes (U13), shouting and swearing at me when a decision didn't go his way. The best thing to do is to keep going and not dwell on it. I just keep in the back of my head that I am probably the only person getting paid to be here so take a break if you need to and move on to the next game. Hope this helps mate.

Maybe you could start a thread and explain more?

The best thing to do is… a stepped approach with the manager! But the steps can be very quick. You absolutely cannot allow a manager to shout at you for 70 minutes. In minute one you must deal with it. That is the job. I know that is incredibly hard at 15 but that’s why we have laws, cards, whistles and local mentors to support you!

 

[wazztie16]

Hi Jayden. I am also a 15-year-old referee, and I completely understand your feelings. I recently did a game where the manager was relentlessly in my ear for the full 70 minutes (U13), shouting and swearing at me when a decision didn't go his way. The best thing to do is to keep going and not dwell on it. I just keep in the back of my head that I am probably the only person getting paid to be here so take a break if you need to and move on to the next game. Hope this helps mate.

minor/low-level disagreement (by word or action) with a decision - WARNING

persistent unacceptable behaviour (including repeated warning offences) - CAUTION

receiving a second caution in the same match OR
using offensive, insulting or abusive language and/or action(s) - RED CARD

Remember these and you won't go far wrong

 

[one]

Hi Jayden. I am also a 15-year-old referee, and I completely understand your feelings. I recently did a game where the manager was relentlessly in my ear for the full 70 minutes (U13), shouting and swearing at me when a decision didn't go his way. The best thing to do is to keep going and not dwell on it. I just keep in the back of my head that I am probably the only person getting paid to be here so take a break if you need to and move on to the next game. Hope this helps mate.

I commend you for posting in support of your fellow 15yo referee.

This is a referee forum with a lot of experienced referees. If there is room for advice on any post, it usually is give.

Take all the replys to your post as well intended and constructive. Don't let it discourage you.

 

[Homer Ref]

As others have pointed out, it is more experience than skill a lot of us new refs lack. I am in my 50s and just about to complete my first season. My own ref association won't advise anyone going above U13/14s for the first year. In Scotland we actually have Club Academy games. These are games which have a referee right down to under 10s. The participating clubs are in the senior leagues and they have employed qualified coaches who know they have to set an example to the players when it comes to discipline. These games also adapt young players to referee decisions and learning about them a lot earlier. This league also helps young 16+ referees find their feet, learning signalling and whistling etc. I don't know if they have a similar system in England.