True Story...

[Kes]

David Beckham's son arrived for training.

"What number shirt am I?" he asked his coach.

His coach replied, "Wear four out there Romeo".

 

[Peter Grove]

I bought a pet rabbit for the kids last week.

It fed it the corner from my ham toastie on Sunday.
Then it ate a little bit of my cheese toastie on Monday.
Then a smidgeon of my mince toastie yesterday.

I found it dead today.


Mixo'mytoasties.

 

[one]

A man has been stealing wheels from police cars. Police has been working tirelessly to find him.

 

[Kes]

Our local pub is so rough.

They had a quiz on last night and the 1st question was, what the f*** you looking at?

 

[Peter Grove]

I swallowed a whole bottle of invisible ink, so I went straight to A&E.

I haven't been seen yet.

 

[santa sangria]

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks.

 

[Peter Grove]

If you've never tried blindfold target shooting, then you don't know what you're missing.

 

[Peter Grove]

My landlord says he wants to talk to me about why the heating bills for my flat are so high.

I told him he could pop round any time, my door is always open.

 

[santa sangria]

Doctor, you have to help me…
I have five pen1ses!

Oh… well, how do your trousers fit?


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Like a glove!

 

[one]

Two slices of bread got married. The wedding was amazing until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

 

[santa sangria]

Glass coffins!
Will they ever catch on?


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Remains to be seen…

 

[one]

Glass coffins!
Will they ever catch on?


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Remains to be seen…

At least they would be completely transparent with their clients.

 

[Kes]

Glass coffins!
Will they ever catch on?


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-

Remains to be seen…

Ahem ...

Glass coffins are all the rage on the sub-continent it seems.
Not sure if it'll catch on here though ...

Remains to be seen ...

From 27th Dec 2019!!

 

[JamesL]

Ahem ...



From 27th Dec 2019!!

You're that guy holds a grudge, aren't you?

 

[santa sangria]

Glass coffins!
Will they ever catch on?


-

-

Remains to be seen…

Ahem ...



From 27th Dec 2019!!

well… as my dad used to say… much better second house!

 

[Viridis1886]

Is throwing a frisby really an Olympic sport? Discus.

 

[Kes]

Is throwing a frisby really an Olympic sport? Discus.

It may be one day I guess but Frisbee throwing currently is ...

 

[one]

I took my dog to the park to play Frisbee. He is just hopeless at it. I need a flatter dog.

 

[Kes]

I shall be posting on this thread telepathically tomorrow.

So if you suddenly think of something funny - that was me!

 

[Kes]

Clubbers in Leeds are using dental syringes to inject liquid ecstasy directly into their mouths!

A dangerous process known locally as "E by gum".