The Ref Stop

Thinking of throwing in the towel

M

MDempster

New Member
Level 6 Referee
Title says it all. Had one of ‘those’ games, but it’s really got me thinking: is it me or is it just that behaviour is getting worse?

Context: low level Sunday League game 3rd (blue) v 2nd (yellow) both can win the league still but they need other results to go their way.

10th minute yellow GK foul tackle outside the box, going nowhere near goal and actually tried to pull out. Yellow for reckless.

20th minute blue defender two footed lunge, high speed, distance and impact with bottom of boots on shin, easiest SFP I’ve ever had.

Cue pandemonium. Why was the keeper not send off for his, that kind of stuff.

Yellow go 2-0 before half time.

Second half, much of the same, with blue really increasing the physicality. Had one each yellowed for AA when the squared up but in the 68th minute it went completely wrong.

Called cheat and a liar by blue player, bye bye OffInAbus. Then the dissent stepped up from blue, two sin binned so they’re now down to 7.

Positioning for the goal kick following the FK which led to the dissent for the blue manager to come onto the pitch yelling in my face how sh*t I was and I was always the same. So he was given his marching orders. Then the whole sideline started, and I was pretty much called every profanity under the sun.

This was the point when I just gave up and called it a day, abandoning the game. If we had carried on there was no way I could control the home team and someone was likely to get hurt.

Been refereeing for 15 years and today was only my 4 abandonment but the second this season for the same reasons!! I’m getting good match day feedback as I’m going 6-5 currently and have been appointed 5 cup finals by our local league (1 middle 4 AR) so surely it’s not me.

Been thinking long and hard for the last hour and I absolutely love what I do out there but think this season is my last. Just cannot drag myself out in all weathers for that.

Has anybody else been through similar and how did you get yourself out of the mental slump?
 
The Ref Stop
I’ve also had two abandoned games this season, both in September. In the first one I sin binned a player, who then screamed abuse at me so was sent off. This resulted in him threatening me, at which another of his team, who was already in the bin, did the same, so he was also sent off. I then had two substitutes and two spectators threaten me as well, so abandoned the game. The club appealed against their punishment and my report was not supported by the league - their opponent’s secretary is a county official so this carried some weight and the punishments were reduced as a result, so I stopped doing the league due to this.

Two weeks later on a different league I sin binned a player (he was Middle Eastern) for showing dissent by slamming the ball down when penalised for a foul. He then screamed abuse at me in a foreign language (he had previously sworn at me in English and from the way he shouted it was pretty obvious that what he was saying was not pleasant) so I told him he was lucky I hadn’t understood him or he would have been sent off. This resulted in his team accusing me of racism, resulting in red cards, club reports etc. I was fully supported by the league for this, and still referee on this league. Several players got serious suspensions.

I have not had the first team since, but have had several of their players for other teams. They have all been ok since this game. I have refereed the second team on a few occasions since and they have been fine as well, including the players I sent off.

I have found discipline has been worse this season, but my experience has been that once they know they can’t intimidate you they tend to calm down. Especially once they’ve had their punishment! Hopefully this will be your experience as well.
It’s telling that the manager said you’re always the same - so he should know what to expect then!! If he has any sense then next time he’ll tell his team not to be stupid.
 
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Key is not to take it personal even though they have tried to make it so. You have followed all the right processes and made all the right decisions. If anything you should be proud of your performance rather than feeling bad about it.

Take some time off before making a decision. For me, throwing in the towel is letting the ppl in wrong to win. But ultimately it is your decision.
 
Horrible game for you in one sense, but builds up your resilience and experience from such games. Needs more than 24 hours to make an informed decision as to what you want to do - it’s still raw. Make sure you let the dust settles before taking any decisions.
 
My worst ever game (12 yellows and a red) was a game just like this. A team that loves a hard tackle up against a team that loves a word in the refs ear.

Unfortunately they met a ref that game who was very bored of chirping and could keep up with play to see the hard tackles. At one point I had 3 of them in the bin. 😂

Sometimes there’s more you could’ve done, sometimes you just have a team that want to be prats instead of football players that day. Sounds like one of those.

Your cup finals will be reflective of good club marks and performances.
 
@MDempster - I will start with Well Done, You sound like you dealt with what was in front of you and abandoned at exactly the right time.

The only suggestions would be "could you have sin-binned one of the players after the blue players dismissal?". Did the keeper come or ???., as that would have set the tone for not taking any :poop:

Think about this way - you enjoy refereeing, you are getting better and going for promotion (and therefore better matches) so why should 22 (23 to incl the Manager) ruin your career?

Take the summer to think, and come back stronger, harder and focuses. Everybody is jaded at the end of the season.
 
MDempster said:
Title says it all. Had one of ‘those’ games, but it’s really got me thinking: is it me or is it just that behaviour is getting worse?

Context: low level Sunday League game 3rd (blue) v 2nd (yellow) both can win the league still but they need other results to go their way.

10th minute yellow GK foul tackle outside the box, going nowhere near goal and actually tried to pull out. Yellow for reckless.

20th minute blue defender two footed lunge, high speed, distance and impact with bottom of boots on shin, easiest SFP I’ve ever had.

Cue pandemonium. Why was the keeper not send off for his, that kind of stuff.

Yellow go 2-0 before half time.

Second half, much of the same, with blue really increasing the physicality. Had one each yellowed for AA when the squared up but in the 68th minute it went completely wrong.

Called cheat and a liar by blue player, bye bye OffInAbus. Then the dissent stepped up from blue, two sin binned so they’re now down to 7.

Positioning for the goal kick following the FK which led to the dissent for the blue manager to come onto the pitch yelling in my face how sh*t I was and I was always the same. So he was given his marching orders. Then the whole sideline started, and I was pretty much called every profanity under the sun.

This was the point when I just gave up and called it a day, abandoning the game. If we had carried on there was no way I could control the home team and someone was likely to get hurt.

Been refereeing for 15 years and today was only my 4 abandonment but the second this season for the same reasons!! I’m getting good match day feedback as I’m going 6-5 currently and have been appointed 5 cup finals by our local league (1 middle 4 AR) so surely it’s not me.

Been thinking long and hard for the last hour and I absolutely love what I do out there but think this season is my last. Just cannot drag myself out in all weathers for that.

Has anybody else been through similar and how did you get yourself out of the mental slump?
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Think the answer is in your post. “Low level Sunday league game”

You’re going for promotion to L5 and will have had your match day coach reports that would have flagged up any issues with your refereeing, so unless there’s a financial or availability reason for doing Sunday League games, there will be a far better standard of football available to you on Saturday’s - there are usually also U21 / U18 leagues that operate on a Sunday where you can expect behaviour and most likely the standard of football to be much better.

If you plan on going 5-4 you will also be expected to be refereeing on the ‘highest standard of league football available in the county’

Midweek games at the end of the season are always a bit tougher - games often have a lot riding on them and usually these lads are dragging themselves to a game straight out of bed for an 11AM kick off (often on a hangover), assuming no floodlights, players will have had a day at work, weather is a bit warmer and no doubt rushed to get to the fixture, often leading to shorter fuses.

They might learn one day when there’s no referees available for the Sunday Leagues
 
CA1992 said:
Think the answer is in your post. “Low level Sunday league game”

You’re going for promotion to L5 and will have had your match day coach reports that would have flagged up any issues with your refereeing, so unless there’s a financial or availability reason for doing Sunday League games, there will be a far better standard of football available to you on Saturday’s - there are usually also U21 / U18 leagues that operate on a Sunday where you can expect behaviour and most likely the standard of football to be much better.

If you plan on going 5-4 you will also be expected to be refereeing on the ‘highest standard of league football available in the county’

Midweek games at the end of the season are always a bit tougher - games often have a lot riding on them and usually these lads are dragging themselves to a game straight out of bed for an 11AM kick off (often on a hangover), assuming no floodlights, players will have had a day at work, weather is a bit warmer and no doubt rushed to get to the fixture, often leading to shorter fuses.

They might learn one day when there’s no referees available for the Sunday Leagues
Click to expand...

It’s more of an availability thing doing the Sunday League. Only got 7-6 in February, but was planning to ditch some Sundays next season in favour of Saturdays. The plan was to then wait a season (I get married during the 25-26 season) then go for Level 4 so would have completely given the Sundays up by this point.

I’ll stick out this season as I only have 1 league fixture left and 2 finals still (1 middle, 1 AR), then I’ll see where next season takes me.

Thanks for the advice everyone, it can be lonely out there so great to have a forum full of people who really get it.
 
I had exactly the same experience in the 22/23 season with a Sunday league so I decided to start prioritising Saturdays a bit more in 23/24.

It was a shame as I am particularly fond of the league - because of the people who run it, how long I have been connected with it and the good nature of *some* of the teams - but my wife noticed I was regularly coming home with tales of people threatening me/making my life unpleasant. At the end of the day, life is too short (for me) to be screamed at in such a way every weekend when I know I'm doing my job well (most of the time!). The final straw was a spectator hurling abuse at me in a car park as I left a match after he was ordered to leave after entering the field of play to share his opinions.

Now I muck in with Sundays where I can but have a 2 or 3 teams I simply will not referee, and focus on Saturdays and midweek academy games.
 
Refollie said:
2 or 3 teams I simply will not referee,
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Things have been that much worse this season in some places, that in my youth league our secretary refuses to provide match officials for one particular club whom I had the *pleasure* of dealing with in October. I find it astonishing that officials have been threatened by parents of U9 teams! This even led to them being disqualified from one of the mini-soccer trophy events just before the deciding match because of the lack of a ref. They lost the group by 1 point as they had to forfeit the match.
 
I used Sunday morning league football in conjunction with Saturday games when I first decided to go for promotion from L7. I'll admit it was a means of ensuring I got all the required OA matches in to qualify.

Once I got to L5 and decided I was going to stay there, I ditched the Sunday football and have never gone back.

A cynical view I know but as CA1992 has already pointed out, most of these guys are tumbling out of bed after a night on the wazz and generally turn up for games with the attitude to match. It is what it is I suppose. For myself, once I realised I didn't need to be hauling my tired body out of bed by 8am on a Sunday in order to go and referee a 10.15am KO for a bunch of players and coaches who simply weren't even appreciative of my presence or on field efforts - I knocked it on the head.

Sunday morning football!!
Dog5hit football played on a dog5hit pitch by dog5hit players for a dog5hit match fee!!
No thank you.

Cynical of Somerset.
 
Kes said:
I used Sunday morning league football in conjunction with Saturday games when I first decided to go for promotion from L7. I'll admit it was a means of ensuring I got all the required OA matches in to qualify.

Once I got to L5 and decided I was going to stay there, I ditched the Sunday football and have never gone back.

A cynical view I know but as CA1992 has already pointed out, most of these guys are tumbling out of bed after a night on the wazz and generally turn up for games with the attitude to match. It is what it is I suppose. For myself, once I realised I didn't need to be hauling my tired body out of bed by 8am on a Sunday in order to go and referee a 10.15am KO for a bunch of players and coaches who simply weren't even appreciative of my presence or on field efforts - I knocked it on the head.

Sunday morning football!!
Dog5hit football played on a dog5hit pitch by dog5hit players for a dog5hit match fee!!
No thank you.

Cynical of Somerset.
Click to expand...

Your view may be seen by some as commonplace across the country, though as with everything, there are exceptions, with some leagues who do not tolerate any nonsense and operate as professional as they can be eg roping off pitches and having neutral ARs (in the premier division). In the days I remember this brought in players who were attached to professional/full time clubs who liked to play with their mates, but whether this still happens I don’t know for fear of suspension/injury/banned by the professional clubs.
 
Kes said:
Sunday morning football!!
Dog5hit football played on a dog5hit pitch by dog5hit players for a dog5hit match fee!!
No thank you.
Click to expand...
Weirdly where I am the Sunday fee is better than the Saturday fee. And yeah I agree that when you’re trying to get your games in for promotion doing Sundays certainly makes life easier
 
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