A&H

"That's your fault ref, you caused that" - how do you deal with those kind of comments?

Mada

Active Member
I had a challenging U18's game at the weekend. Although it was a friendly it was very competitive between 2 good teams who tried to play football. The away team were upset that I missed a foul in front of them in the first half, they claim the other team went through the back of their player but I didn't give the foul. Perhaps I got it wrong, but it was nothing more than a foul at the absolute worst. It wasn't a key match incident and would have resulted in a defensive free kick way in their own half.

In the second half there was a tackle infront of the away team again. It wasn't a foul but instinctively I watched the players on the floor rather than the ball and I'm very glad I did. They tangled feet then squared up to one another and then started pushing. Everyone got involved, including spectators on the pitch. I blew my whistle as we have been trained to do and kept an eye the situation the best I could (I was on my own with CAR's). My decision was a yellow card for each of the 2 players originally involved. There was some other shoving but it was difficult to pick out anything more than that (question below on this).

For the final 20 minutes there was the possibility that the next bad tackle would boil over again and I'd have a problem on my hands. Thankfully it did not and I tried to slow the game down as much as I could. It ended in a goalless draw and I was pleased it ended without further incident.

The away manager was upset after the mass con and said I missed punches thrown and ultimately I caused that due to my lack of control. I did not see any punches thrown. After everything calmed down he said he would remove his players from the pitch so I said that was his right but he walked off and the game continued. I strongly disagree with his assessment and other than possibly giving the foul in the first half I think I had a good game. My Dad was also watching and thought the criticism was harsh too as did the home manager who said I had a good game and would like me to ref again for them!

  1. How do you deal with accusations that you caused the issue? I can see this happening time and time again as managers look to undermine you. I tried to put it out of my mind for the rest of the game, but after spending some time reflecting I can't even see from his perspective. Perhaps if there had been a continuation of events which I didn't punish (other than the events mentioned above 2 players squared up and were pulled away immediately by their team) but I don't think that's the case.
  2. How do you deal with mass con's when you are on your own? I made a real effort to pick out the 2 players who started it and kept an eye on them. If players HAD waded in with punches I'd have a real problem remembering who did it and then punishing it accordingly. Given how fast it happened I suspect you could perhaps pick out 3/4 players at the most. The situation could have got out of hand very quickly and I wouldn't have backed myself to sanction everyone involved. With 2 NAR's that would have been possible but with 1 person it would have been difficult.
  3. Was there a case to card the away team manager? I only thought of this after but he challenged my authority publicly so perhaps a yellow card for dissent may have been appropriate?
Interested to hear your thoughts. Despite being challenging it was a good experience and I learned a lot.
 
The Referee Store
  1. Unless it also crosses into something you can caution or dismiss for, ignore it. Idiocy caused by emotional overreactions is part and parcel of everything, football included. You didn't trip anybody, you didn't square up to anybody, and you didn't push or swing at anybody either.
  2. If you have a brawl that can't be stopped by your whistle and there are more joining in, you're already at the point where you should consider abandonment. Identify who and what you can, try to pin the main instigators and the most grievous acts, you're sure to miss the smallest stuff.
  3. Yes. The criteria for cautions and dismissals to a team official set very tight limits on how negative their behaviour can be. I'm surprised you didn't actually show a red card, given your description that implies he was "deliberately leaving the technical area to: show dissent towards, or remonstrate with, a match official; act in a provocative or inflammatory manner".
 
I had a challenging U18's game at the weekend. Although it was a friendly it was very competitive between 2 good teams who tried to play football. The away team were upset that I missed a foul in front of them in the first half, they claim the other team went through the back of their player but I didn't give the foul. Perhaps I got it wrong, but it was nothing more than a foul at the absolute worst. It wasn't a key match incident and would have resulted in a defensive free kick way in their own half.

In the second half there was a tackle infront of the away team again. It wasn't a foul but instinctively I watched the players on the floor rather than the ball and I'm very glad I did. They tangled feet then squared up to one another and then started pushing. Everyone got involved, including spectators on the pitch. I blew my whistle as we have been trained to do and kept an eye the situation the best I could (I was on my own with CAR's). My decision was a yellow card for each of the 2 players originally involved. There was some other shoving but it was difficult to pick out anything more than that (question below on this).

For the final 20 minutes there was the possibility that the next bad tackle would boil over again and I'd have a problem on my hands. Thankfully it did not and I tried to slow the game down as much as I could. It ended in a goalless draw and I was pleased it ended without further incident.

The away manager was upset after the mass con and said I missed punches thrown and ultimately I caused that due to my lack of control. I did not see any punches thrown. After everything calmed down he said he would remove his players from the pitch so I said that was his right but he walked off and the game continued. I strongly disagree with his assessment and other than possibly giving the foul in the first half I think I had a good game. My Dad was also watching and thought the criticism was harsh too as did the home manager who said I had a good game and would like me to ref again for them!

  1. How do you deal with accusations that you caused the issue? I can see this happening time and time again as managers look to undermine you. I tried to put it out of my mind for the rest of the game, but after spending some time reflecting I can't even see from his perspective. Perhaps if there had been a continuation of events which I didn't punish (other than the events mentioned above 2 players squared up and were pulled away immediately by their team) but I don't think that's the case.
  2. How do you deal with mass con's when you are on your own? I made a real effort to pick out the 2 players who started it and kept an eye on them. If players HAD waded in with punches I'd have a real problem remembering who did it and then punishing it accordingly. Given how fast it happened I suspect you could perhaps pick out 3/4 players at the most. The situation could have got out of hand very quickly and I wouldn't have backed myself to sanction everyone involved. With 2 NAR's that would have been possible but with 1 person it would have been difficult.
  3. Was there a case to card the away team manager? I only thought of this after but he challenged my authority publicly so perhaps a yellow card for dissent may have been appropriate?
Interested to hear your thoughts. Despite being challenging it was a good experience and I learned a lot.
Sounds to me like you're too emotionally invested in the things that get said
Mass confrontations are especially difficult when working alone. The best way of handling them is mitigating their risk of occurrence. Could your positioning have been better for the lunge which you think you missed (always strive to get side-on to tackles). Could you have sprinted in any quicker to disperse the tangle before it escalated
Although entering the FOP is a caution for Team Officials, it sounds like you dealt adequately with the two protagonists who kicked things off
Think about the game, reach some conclusions, return for the next game as a better referee. Don't ruminate too much about the b0ll0cks
 
...I found the emotional side the hardest for hmm about 100 matches!

To answer your first question, how can you respond when players are perhaps correctly questioning decisions?

- I'm trying my best
- I'm trying my best, please concentrate on playing
- I'm trying my best, the complaining has to stop or I will have to use cards/sin bin
- I try to see everything, sometimes we see different things
- It's only a throw in, sorry if I got it wrong, let's play
- If you get promoted, then I'll have assistants and we'll see everything better
- I'll give you a quid for everyone of my mistakes and you and the lads give me a quid for every one of yours and we'll divvy up at the end of the season

In the beginning, just be straight and honest, keep it short. Depending on your personality and rapport with players, move on to more "advanced" stuff and humour when you are more confident.
 
1. Great opportunity to use the stepped approach, but I'd consider jumping in at a higher level. If it's a quiet comment under his breath then starting with a quiet "don't start that please" might be appropriate, but if it's louder or you're starting to notice a pattern from a number of players, I'd jump straight to telling the captain to get his team under control.

2. The main trick to dealing with a mass con solo is working out when to stop trying to break it up and just to step back and start taking numbers. When you're just blowing your whistle ineffectively, you may as well be 5 paces further back with your notebook in your hand. Get the instigators numbers down first and then see if there's anything else you can pick out that's sanctionable. Try and rotate round the circle as well, so you're not just picking on people you can see from one side of the melee. It's one of the toughest things to have to do at grassroots, no one gets everything in these situations.

3. @Nij is spot on with this one. Maybe some leniency if he comes on to drag his own players away, but anything else and the only question is what colour card you show.
 
Just tell them that your fat, bald and useless.... and your unique skill set has been ideally matched for what’s on show! 😬
 
At end of day teams will often try to deflect blame onto you for their failings.

That contentious throw in that you gave against them, that then led to the winger beating 4 players, crossing the ball into the box and the striker outjumping the defender to make the header that goes through the goalkeepers legs and trickles into the net....

Guess what, it's not on the 4 players that didn't tackle the winger, it's not months defender that got beaten in the air and it's not on the goalkeeper that should have saved it, it's on you for getting the throw wrong (in their eyes)
 
Its always the referee's fault. I was AR on County Rep match, two players fighting behind the referee.

'Get a grip ref'- someone shouts.

Ref comes over, we have a chat, both players sent off and still people moaned.

Goes with the job most of the time.
 
'Get a grip ref'- someone shouts.

If I can find the video I'll post it... fifteen minutes in, a game where nothing had happened. Right in front of the bench, reckless challenge goes in on the winger. Easy yellow. No complaints, no eruption from the benches, defender takes it and gets on with it. Just as we're about to restart a voice pipes up with a "get a grip ref!" from the technical area, and the eye-roll I gave him is amazing. One withering put-down and that assistant manager said nothing for the rest of the game. Heh.

Water off a ducks back. Be more duck.
 
Just tell them that your fat, bald and useless.... and your unique skill set has been ideally matched for what’s on show! 😬
Did someone mention my name?

I went out without my yellow card on Sunday. It slipped out of my pocket when I drove from game one to two. Managed everything apart from the SFP and DOGSO - H where my trusty red card came blinking into the light...
 
I'd either pay no mind to it, or if you feel particularly offended and insulted, consider a sanction for dissent.

Comments like this tend to make me annoyed more than the usual "f*** off ref!", because its more personal. And I despise people who guilt trip in real life so I guess that carries over to the game.

In any case, don't shy away from it. Whatever action you take: a talking to, proper dressing down or dissent sanction, make sure you do it with conviction so you make it clear your authority is not to be challenged.
 
Today I awarded a penalty 30 secs into the 2nd half which the team scored to equalise, to the same team I awarded several free kicks around the 18yd box ( a few of the good old I got the ball ref), team same team went on to lose 3-1 as their goalie made 2 bad mistakes in less than 1min what lead to goals.

Manager saw his ass after the game cos I'd given them nothing all game and the good old don't worry lads what can you do when the ref gives you nothing. I must be getting more experienced cos after keeping my composure etc I just pissed myself laughing in the car.

The keeper though was just unlucky
 
Manager saw his ass after the game cos I'd given them nothing all game and the good old don't worry lads what can you do when the ref gives you nothing.

Had that today. Was giving loads of calls to the home team, then for a five minute period things go against them and one of them chirps up "THERE ARE TWO TEAMS HERE TODAY YOU KNOW REF?"

Never knew that, learnt something new there. :wall:
 
A county FA recently fined a manager £70 for shouting out "ref your not f*ing giving us anything"
If you feel a manager is being an arse speak to your RDO if they have overstepped the mark
 
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