Ref4Me

Referee assualts

benjitheref

Premium Member
Premium Member
Level 7 Referee
Hello guys can anyone give me advice on what to do after being assaulted by a player and and kinds words to motivate me to carry on being a referee

my county fa have been great they’ve all contacted me my development officer the discipline teams and all that

I’ve also got police involved

all this after sending the player from the field of play for foul and abusive language at u18 game it was so uncalled for
 
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one

RefChat Addict
Level 7 Referee
Really sorry to hear this. It's an awful feeling. It's good you are getting direct support.
How to come back is very much dependent on personality and the severity of the assault. One option is to get back to it straight away. However I would suggest to have a week or two off.
I would also suggest you ask for lowers grade games than you usually do and let the ref sec /appointments officer know about your experience and that you want clubs that are well behaved. It gives you a chance to ease back in and start enjoying it again.

We all get tough games however thankfully assault is not very common. One thing I can say is that don't let actions of some idiots define who you are and what you want to do. Base your decision on where you see your future.
 

benjitheref

Premium Member
Premium Member
Level 7 Referee
Really sorry to hear this. It's an awful feeling. It's good you are getting direct support.
How to come back is very much dependent on personality and the severity of the assault. One option is to get back to it straight away. However I would suggest to have a week or two off.
I would also suggest you ask for lowers grade games than you usually do and let the ref sec /appointments officer know about your experience and that you want clubs that are well behaved. It gives you a chance to ease back in and start enjoying it again.

We all get tough games however thankfully assault is not very common. One thing I can say is that don't let actions of some idiots define who you are and what you want to do. Base your decision on where you see your future.
Nice one pal I’ve come out of the league in question for a week to get my head round it I’m not stopping fully refereeing I’m doing other leagues this weekend and hopefully start enjoying it again thanks for advice
 

ChasObserverRefDeveloper

Regular Contributor
Nice one pal I’ve come out of the league in question for a week to get my head round it I’m not stopping fully refereeing I’m doing other leagues this weekend and hopefully start enjoying it again thanks for advice
The other useful tip is to tell the RDO (or Mentor Secretary if there is one) which games you will be doing when you first return so they can provide a mentor as support on the day . . . you may not need them but nice to have a buddy there if you do.
You will get over this trauma, I can assure you. Best wishes.
 

lincs22

Supply League Observer
Staff member
Observer/Tutor
Hello guys can anyone give me advice on what to do after being assaulted by a player and and kinds words to motivate me to carry on being a referee

my county fa have been great they’ve all contacted me my development officer the discipline teams and all that

I’ve also got police involved

all this after sending the player from the field of play for foul and abusive language at u18 game it was so uncalled for
Can you help @es1 ?
 

ChasObserverRefDeveloper

Regular Contributor
Really sorry to hear this. It's an awful feeling. It's good you are getting direct support.
How to come back is very much dependent on personality and the severity of the assault. One option is to get back to it straight away. However I would suggest to have a week or two off.
I would also suggest you ask for lowers grade games than you usually do and let the ref sec /appointments officer know about your experience and that you want clubs that are well behaved. It gives you a chance to ease back in and start enjoying it again.

We all get tough games however thankfully assault is not very common. One thing I can say is that don't let actions of some idiots define who you are and what you want to do. Base your decision on where you see your future.
If you are a RA member, please inform the local or county RA secretary, as they can help.
 

N416405

Waterman
Level 5 Referee
The other useful tip is to tell the RDO (or Mentor Secretary if there is one) which games you will be doing when you first return so they can provide a mentor as support on the day . . . you may not need them but nice to have a buddy there if you do.
You will get over this trauma, I can assure you. Best wishes.
Added bonus of having a buddy, will be that the teams clock you having a chat beforehand. When I've been observed (ie buddy attending) players seem to be better behaved.
 

es1

RefChat Addict
Level 4 Referee
Can you help @es1 ?

It's not something I've personally experienced, thankfully (you may be thinking of a player on player assault I went to court as a witness about when I was in York?).

I could offer some thoughts but would be echoing what's already been said, take some time off, even if you think you don't want it. Get a fellow ref to support you at your next game to make sure you're not alone. There's no right or wrong approach though but don't rush into any big decisions.

Good luck!
 

wazztie16

Level 7 Referee
Level 7 Referee
Added bonus of having a buddy, will be that the teams clock you having a chat beforehand. When I've been observed (ie buddy attending) players seem to be better behaved.
I definitely agree with that...

Unless it's just 'one of those teams', that are beyond help.
 

gman1978

New Member
Level 7 Referee
I definitely agree with the buddy. Just having someone there for the first couple of games will help settle any concerns you have and will provide those words of encouragement we all need to hear from time to time to help us get through a bad situation.

Hope you're ok, sounds like you're doing all the right things in getting the support required. It's never nice but try not to let one idiot ruin something you enjoy!!
 

lincs22

Supply League Observer
Staff member
Observer/Tutor
It's not something I've personally experienced, thankfully (you may be thinking of a player on player assault I went to court as a witness about when I was in York?)
I was - sorry for the confusion
 
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PinnerPaul

RefChat Addict
Level 7 Referee
Another way to ease yourself back, when you're ready, would be to do a month(or whatever time period you think is right)) as an AR.

Everyone is different, so very difficult to offer exact advice on line, I think all you can do is to consider all the very good options mentioned here and decide for yourself.

Good luck!
 
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