A&H

Packing it in for a month

JBeil

JBeil

Active Member
Level 5 Referee
Saturday went well - had a decent enough game, no huge outstanding points one way or the other, but Sunday, bloody sunday!

First game with my first promotion observation, let the nerves get to me, didn't stamp things out early enough, game got away from me and I'm expecting a 'below-average' when I get the written report back.

Afternoon game, (where the observer from the last game happened to be a coach for the home side, what are the odds?) everything goes wrong. Injuries, a goal scored while a player is down injured, pandemonium, the whole lot. End of the match, away coach strolls over, thanks me for refereeing, and suggests I never referee again. To coin a phrase, bugger this for a game of soldiers.

I'm taking the next month off to get back to playing rugby for a bit, and I'll decide if I want to come back after that. I imagine I probably will, because when things go well I do enjoy refereeing football, but after a weekend like that I don't want to even see a whistle for a while.

Anyone had similar periods before? What did you find got you excited to do it again, and how did you return - straight back in at the deep end, or slowly-slowly? I imagine my 7-6 promotion season is buggered anyway now, so I'm not concerned about that.
 
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JBeil said:
Saturday went well - had a decent enough game, no huge outstanding points one way or the other, but Sunday, bloody sunday!

First game with my first promotion observation, let the nerves get to me, didn't stamp things out early enough, game got away from me and I'm expecting a 'below-average' when I get the written report back.

Afternoon game, (where the observer from the last game happened to be a coach for the home side, what are the odds?) everything goes wrong. Injuries, a goal scored while a player is down injured, pandemonium, the whole lot. End of the match, away coach strolls over, thanks me for refereeing, and suggests I never referee again. To coin a phrase, bugger this for a game of soldiers.

I'm taking the next month off to get back to playing rugby for a bit, and I'll decide if I want to come back after that. I imagine I probably will, because when things go well I do enjoy refereeing football, but after a weekend like that I don't want to even see a whistle for a while.

Anyone had similar periods before? What did you find got you excited to do it again, and how did you return - straight back in at the deep end, or slowly-slowly? I imagine my 7-6 promotion season is buggered anyway now, so I'm not concerned about that.
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It's obvious that your confidence is rock bottom. When you refereed your first game, it was a completely new experience. Same goes for your first observation. Is it a reasonable expectation to excel on either occasion, especially as a young lad learning life skills simultaneously? I could surmise that you were right to allow play continue with the resultant goal because the injury may not have been serious in your opinion, but your self-doubt means that you've entirely believed in the pandemonium that ensued
The best thing about refereeing, is that it's fantastically difficult. Even if your observation mark is below standard, your starting-point has been redefined. Heed the development points, get back on your bike and demonstrate in your next assessment that you've learned from the experience
 
my first ever observation was a 60, i doubt you will be worse than that!

i experience peaks and troughs with how i feel with refereeing.

after a few bad games i regularly wonder what i'm doing it all for and would rather pack it in and go back to watching city every week. but then i get back into it, have a few good games, a good observation or two and i think i'll be getting promoted!

i had 2 months off with injury at the end of last year and loved having Saturdays to myself but i loved getting back into it at the start of this season.

take the break for sure, see how you feel after a few weekends off and make a decision that's right for you
 
JBeil said:
Saturday went well - had a decent enough game, no huge outstanding points one way or the other, but Sunday, bloody sunday!

First game with my first promotion observation, let the nerves get to me, didn't stamp things out early enough, game got away from me and I'm expecting a 'below-average' when I get the written report back.

Afternoon game, (where the observer from the last game happened to be a coach for the home side, what are the odds?) everything goes wrong. Injuries, a goal scored while a player is down injured, pandemonium, the whole lot. End of the match, away coach strolls over, thanks me for refereeing, and suggests I never referee again. To coin a phrase, bugger this for a game of soldiers.

I'm taking the next month off to get back to playing rugby for a bit, and I'll decide if I want to come back after that. I imagine I probably will, because when things go well I do enjoy refereeing football, but after a weekend like that I don't want to even see a whistle for a while.

Anyone had similar periods before? What did you find got you excited to do it again, and how did you return - straight back in at the deep end, or slowly-slowly? I imagine my 7-6 promotion season is buggered anyway now, so I'm not concerned about that.
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first things first. The competencies for 7-6 are quite limited, so your performance against that criteria might not be as bad as you think, as you might be judging against a higher standard than you need.
On the second game, sounds like a sour grapes coach to me. A player is down injured, has the ball gone out of play? If not, how serious did you deem the injury to be? Remember you are not obliged to stop play for an injury, so playing on could be absolutely the right thing to do.

I’d say there’s two ways to approach the next steps. Either you take a break as you’ve indicated, that will give you some distance, however you might find that as you get more distance you’ll find it harder to come back. The second option is to try to get back on the horse as soon as you can and get things out of your system.
 
JBeil said:
I imagine my 7-6 promotion season is buggered anyway now, so I'm not concerned about that.
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Don't be too hasty with that assumption. Your promotion scheme will only end if you ask to be taken off it. Sure, you may have had a bad game but whatever happens, you can still be okay in 2/3 of your competencies. If you tick the boxes in your next two Observations, then there's every chance your county FA will arrange a 4th (just to be sure) otherwise there'd be no point in you being observed any more all season after a poor 1st one. ;)

Every referee is different mate, but in my experience, after a bad fall, don't hide away - get back up and climb straight back on as others have suggested. You'll surprise yourself. :) :cool:
 
Agree with the others - no harm in taking a break, but it's worth considering that you might want to get back into it as well, so that the bad game doesn't stick with you.

The other thing that occurs to me is that it sounds like you did 3 matches in a weekend and they got gradually worse. That's ringing big alarm bells with me that you might be pushing yourself a little bit too much. Is it possible that it's just a little bit too much for you physically, and as a result you're struggling to be in the right position to make calls, or to intervene in flash points quickly enough? Or possibly that the 6 x 45 minute periods of intense concentration required is a little too much for one weekend?

I'd seriously consider limiting yourself to 2 matches in a weekend and seeing if that helps? It's possible that you'll build up the fitness/mental concentration over time, but pushing yourself that much this early in your career could easily be too much.
 
JBeil said:
First game with my first promotion observation, let the nerves get to me, didn't stamp things out early enough, game got away from me and I'm expecting a 'below-average' when I get the written report back.

I imagine my 7-6 promotion season is buggered anyway now, so I'm not concerned about that.
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Your promotion season is categorically not 'buggered' after one (possibly) poor assessment!

Even if you get below average, that means you just need a standard expected and an above average to break even. Your county will more than likely offer you a 4th assessment for you to achieve this if they have the resources. I appreciate it may look down at the minute but take a step back and look at the whole picture.
 
JBeil said:
First game with my first promotion observation, let the nerves get to me, didn't stamp things out early enough, game got away from me and I'm expecting a 'below-average' when I get the written report back.
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Stuff happens. I got promoted last season and my first assessment was marked down (i.e. a failing mark) for making one clear important mistake. The key thing for promotion is how you respond to the assessment, particularly, what is commented in it.

Personally, I wouldn't quit or take too long of a break. I think if you did that questions would be raised as to your fortitude to bounce back from these things and/or the fact you've gone into hiding after a bad day. Take a weekend off maybe? But a month is a bit long.

JBeil said:
Injuries, a goal scored while a player is down injured, pandemonium, the whole lot.
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That shouldn't be an issue in theory, unless it was a serious injury. Did the assessor mention it in his post-match brief?

GraemeS said:
The other thing that occurs to me is that it sounds like you did 3 matches in a weekend and they got gradually worse. That's ringing big alarm bells with me that you might be pushing yourself a little bit too much.
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I think Graeme has a point here. You might be fit enough to run around the park for two or three matches but it is going to affect you mentally and will have an impact on your decision-making. That might be something to look at.
 
A couple of years ago, I went through a few rough games (tossed player, tossed coach, and had coffee spilled on me in consecutive weeks) that had me asking if it was worth it or I was done enjoying it. I picked up some younger games, where the joy of the game is there and the players are just flat out having fun. That was the pick-me-up I needed to get back to the more intense games.
 
I agree with the last post. Referee a younger age group,or even ladies/girls football. Get back on the horse,or you may keep putting it off.
You know you aren't a bad ref. It was just a bad game-and we all have those.
 
If he's come to you after the final whistle and said that, don't be afraid to put a report in.

And don't worry about assessments. Honestly, people see it that a below standard is a fail. If anything, it's not a fail. It's a chance to learn what you did wrong and put it right.
 
End of the match, away coach strolls over, thanks me for refereeing, and suggests I never referee again.

No doubt the same coach would be miffed if his teams game was postponed next week due to a lack of officials ( there's a league by me what postpone fixtures due to no refs)

Try not to be so hard on yourself, we have bad games so do goalkeepers and strikers
 
Had a mare the other week mate. Players and lines let me know about it, albeit only during the game.

Couldn’t get it out my head, played on my mind for a good few days, knocked my confidence, I was leaning towards swerving it for a bit but didn’t.

Best thing I done was get back in the middle the week after. Made sure I worked harder on positioning and didn’t repeat the mistakes of a week before. Probably enjoyed it more than any other match and can honestly say I haven’t thought twice about the poor game, since.

My advice would be to use it constructively, and apply those lessons next week. Otherwise your last performance will continue to be THAT one, go and erase it with a better one as soon as you can 👍🏻.
 
Yeah I go through phases - currently had a month or so off. I need time to recharge my batteries mentally and refind my love for refereeing. I think it’s perfectly normal
 
Anyone who has refereed long enough has had days like that. It's made much worse if you know you did actually make mistakes. But it happens to every referee. I know a former L3 whose job is to look after the match officials at a premier league side's home matches. He told me once that every single ref at every level of the game occasionally has games that make them swear they are never reffing again.
 
I suffered exactly the same and came home one Saturday after a particularly unenjoyable game where I knew I made errors and let things get away from me and declared - I do this for enjoyment and I’m not enjoying it - and promptly gave it up for best part of 2 years.
Strangely one of the main things that made me get back into it was this site. Refereeing is a solitary old hobby but I realised that everyone, even those with decades of experience has days like this just like when I played football I had bad games. Difference here is we all tend to go home & generally no one to talk it through with?
So a couple of bits of advice from someone who has felt like this.
  • Don’t let the usual motor mouths (usually one per team) get on your back particularly with throwaway comments that seem to just fall short of dissent. Own your decisions, don’t show signs of doubt. Warn them that they will shortly be watching the game from the touchline for 10 minutes then you MUST follow through and do this if they do keep on.

  • Don’t worry about idiots who come up to you after a game these are just inadequate personalities who think criticising others makes them big men (particularly as you are a younger man). My advice just smile at them, shows they are not getting to you, don’t get into any sort of back and forth, important keep walking looking ahead, he then looks a prat trying to keep up with you.

  • One thing I’ve found useful is after each game I write down 3 things I thought I did well (helps to remind you that it wasn’t all dreadful and builds confidence!) which I’ll build on and identify 3 areas or incidents where I reflect on what I could have done better and will try and do this next time I’m faced with that situation.

  • I often have a read through these lists just before I go out on the pitch acts as a confidence builder and an aide memoire for things to work on.

  • Lastly I’d agree that perhaps the matches are coming a bit thick and fast not giving you time to reflect on what worked/ didn’t and not allowing time for some of the unenjoyable stuff to be less fresh in your mind.

  • Always remember even Howard Webb had afternoons like this and there’s bags of experience on here to go to for advice.
 
Was line for a cup game on Sunday. Second half, defenders vigorously appealed for 3 offsides that weren’t even close to being offside. One led to a goal. I was 100% correct not to give any of the 3.

FT the left back tells me I had a stinker. Assuming he was referring to the OS decisions they never got, as I didn’t have much else to do, made me realise...these [insert colourful phrase here] will see and believe whatever they want! Their opinions aren’t based on the reality of what actually happened. It’s comical.

So why pay a blind bit of notice of what they’ve got to say? I won’t be from now on.
 
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