RefSix

Abusive parent

ladbroke8745

Well-Known Member
#1
Question for you all..

If a parent (no involvement in coaching or anything) is shouting abuse from the sideline, what is the correct procedure you do?
Don't mind hearing what you'd do, but would like to know the correct procedure.

For me, I'd have a chat with the coach of said parents team asking him to either have a word with parent to calm down/shut up or ask him to leave.
In no means would I talk to said parent myself.
If then mention that if no action is taken, and that the parent continues, I'll report the facts to the league/county or even welfare officer for club/league as a parent is likely watching a youth match.

I've always believed that this is correct procedure but have a slight nagging doubt.

I know in supply football etc that abuse from the stands are part of the norm, whether we like it or not or should accept it, but we can't just stop the game and point him/her out and ask them to leave because I'm a snowflake and want them gone so guess the same rules apply to park football.
It is rare that a parent these days abuse you to a point that you need to take some action but what is correct procedure?
 

Sheffields Finest

Maybe I'm foolish, maybe I'm blind!
#2
Sounds like your approach is spot on @ladbroke8745

I shifted a grandad once, stepped approach through coach then after that bye bye.... threatening to abandon normally does the trick!!!
 
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QuaverRef

I used to be indecisive but now i'm not so sure
#3
Correct when you say don't engage, but I'd also go down the route of getting rid of them (via the coach) if they don't shut up after warnings. The children are the responsibility of the coach/manager so the parents can sit in the car for all I care.

There's a difference between abuse in the stands from a large collection of supporters and a referee stood in a park taking abuse from one individual standing 10 yards away.
 

Referee117

"No. I think we're just getting started."
#5
Have a word with the home team manager ask firmly and nicely for the offending person to be either quietened or removed. If this doesn't sort it out you have the ultimate sanction of abandonment.
I echo this. This was an area where they went into good detail on our course, as most of us would be doing a fair bit of junior football. If you were to abandon the game, you can be sure that whilst they may not entirely be happy with you, the club/players/parents will not be happy with that individual even more
 

socal lurker

Well-Known Member
#7
I have found a couple of things when having abusive parents removed. First, quite frequently, other parents from the same team have thanked me after the game--because the knucklehead had been making games unpleasant all season. Second, its the other parents that will help make the person leave. Simply explain to the coach, loud enough for a few other parents to hear, that the game can't continue unless the person leaves. They will chase him away.
 

Yampy

RefChat Addict
#9
Had it only last weekend, i heard a parent call me an effing bell end, i called manager over in front of parent and told him he leaves now go to the car park.

Im not taking any step approach when someone calls me that.
All you do in that situation is create a potential child welfare issue and it won't solve anything for the future unless reported.
In the past I have found that simply stating to the home manager that you will be reporting this matter to the league has a greater far reaching impact than sending the parent away.
The last thing many youth clubs want is something to blot their copybook and affect any Charter Standard status it has. That's certainly the case in England AFAIK.
 

OIREF!

RefChat Addict
#10
All you do in that situation is create a potential child welfare issue and it won't solve anything for the future unless reported.
In the past I have found that simply stating to the home manager that you will be reporting this matter to the league has a greater far reaching impact than sending the parent away.
The last thing many youth clubs want is something to blot their copybook and affect any Charter Standard status it has. That's certainly the case in England AFAIK.
I completely agree, if a parent or spectator is having a good at me it's a small step before they start on players too.
 
#12
All you do in that situation is create a potential child welfare issue and it won't solve anything for the future unless reported.
In the past I have found that simply stating to the home manager that you will be reporting this matter to the league has a greater far reaching impact than sending the parent away.
The last thing many youth clubs want is something to blot their copybook and affect any Charter Standard status it has. That's certainly the case in England AFAIK.
I don't see how there's any child welfare issue by sending the parent away. That's a bad excuse for allowing somebody to stay on the sideline abusing you.

I don't see why advising the manager you'll be reporting it would have a greater impact than sending the parent away given that if you send somebody away, you need to report it anyway.
 

Referee117

"No. I think we're just getting started."
#13
I don't see how there's any child welfare issue by sending the parent away. That's a bad excuse for allowing somebody to stay on the sideline abusing you.

I don't see why advising the manager you'll be reporting it would have a greater impact than sending the parent away given that if you send somebody away, you need to report it anyway.
I agree with the Capn, are you really going to allow that parent to abuse you throughout the game? A perfect example came up in our course where a parent was sent away for abuse and another parent (they all know each other) would assume responsibility of the child's welfare until being back with their parent. It was drilled in on the welfare course that the responsibility and welfare of that child belong with the coaches and parents.
 

Alex Rush-Fear

Well-Known Member
#14
I don't see how there's any child welfare issue by sending the parent away. That's a bad excuse for allowing somebody to stay on the sideline abusing you.

I don't see why advising the manager you'll be reporting it would have a greater impact than sending the parent away given that if you send somebody away, you need to report it anyway.
This. Get rid of parent (threaten abandonment if necessary), and report it to your County FA.
 
#15
Had it only last weekend, i heard a parent call me an effing bell end, i called manager over in front of parent and told him he leaves now go to the car park.

Im not taking any step approach when someone calls me that.
So what would you do if the parent did not leave the football pitch area? if it carried on would you look to abandon the match or would you explain to the coach you would report it to the local authorities?
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#16
So what would you do if the parent did not leave the football pitch area? if it carried on would you look to abandon the match or would you explain to the coach you would report it to the local authorities?


Abandon. If you approach coach and stipulate you wish a parent removed, and they dont go, abandon and report.
Unless being verbally abused/threatened/ridiculed in front of kids whilst running around in your shorts in the freezing cold for 35 quid floats your boat.
 

Kes

I'll Decide ...
#17
So what would you do if the parent did not leave the football pitch area? if it carried on would you look to abandon the match or would you explain to the coach you would report it to the local authorities?
Someone abusing you is a reason not to continue refereeing the match. Simple as.

The club either make them go away or, if that can't/doesn't happen then the match (as far as you refereeing in it) is over.

It's only happened to me once.

The only difficulty I had was (at first) ascertaining which team the individual "belonged" to.

He went. ;)
 

Ben448844

RefChat Addict
#18
If someone calls me that from the sideline then they're off to the car park. We often seem to look for ways to accept the abuse, rather than stopping it. It's not the abuse towards me from the sideline that bothers me (I couldn't give a stuff), it's knowing that by not doing anything tangible about it we are actively encouraging it's continuation, both on the day and in future games. It's also giving kids the impression that it's acceptable and tolerated, and the issue rolls on to the next generation. I take no **** in OA City Centre Sunday League never mind a kids match. I'll give people an opportunity to work with me using the stepped approach but if it's just straight up abuse then it's off to the car park they go or it's an early bath all round (and I've never had to do that).
 

Big Cat

RefChat Addict
#19
If someone calls me that from the sideline then they're off to the car park. We often seem to look for ways to accept the abuse, rather than stopping it. It's not the abuse towards me from the sideline that bothers me (I couldn't give a stuff), it's knowing that by not doing anything tangible about it we are actively encouraging it's continuation, both on the day and in future games. It's also giving kids the impression that it's acceptable and tolerated, and the issue rolls on to the next generation. I take no **** in OA City Centre Sunday League never mind a kids match. I'll give people an opportunity to work with me using the stepped approach but if it's just straight up abuse then it's off to the car park they go or it's an early bath all round (and I've never had to do that).
Interesting that you mention OA
My tolerance from OA spectators would be different from that of parents in the youth game. And that tolerance would slide again once you're officiating in front of a paying public. At that point, it's just noise in my mind
 

Yampy

RefChat Addict
#20
I don't see how there's any child welfare issue by sending the parent away. That's a bad excuse for allowing somebody to stay on the sideline abusing you.

I don't see why advising the manager you'll be reporting it would have a greater impact than sending the parent away given that if you send somebody away, you need to report it anyway.
I know the weather is too hot for snowflakes in Australia but the climate in the UK means we get a few.
Firstly, I said 'potentially'. There's no obligation for another parent to 'assume responsibility' as stated by another forum user nor, is there an obligation on the coach either. So, if you send away the parent (and good luck with that on a public field) there's a possibility the child may have to go as well. A little unfair on the child won't you say? (You can choose your friends but, you can't choose your family).
Secondly, we seem to be a confrontational bunch on this forum but in these situations I'd rather get the home team to do some legwork before making it all about me.
And yes by all means abandon if all else fails and certainly report if the miscreant is sent away and goes. My view is that you should report as a welfare issue irrespective of the parent leaving our not. Sometimes the pen is mightier than the sword.
 
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