RefSix

Abandonment because of a coach being violent towards me

JoeMaloney5

Well-Known Member
#1
Match abandoned with 30 minutes left to play in the second half of an U16 Cup match (I believe quarter final) because of Coach A (away team coach) becoming extremely violent/ hostile towards me and then refusing after repeated attempts by myself to vacate the vicinity as I had sent him off. In the first half of the game coach A refused to give his players name to me who had been sent off I responded with fine but it will lead to another charge against his team if he doesn't tell me, he told me that he didn't care and that I needed to get out his sight. The players name was given to me at half time by another coach from the away team Coach B (let's call him) who apologised for coach A behaviour. In the second half with 30 minutes left two players from either team collided with each other and an away team player was really hurt after 6 minutes of stoppage I asked a home team player to pass the ball back to the away keeper as the away team were in possession when the game was stopped but before I could drop the ball coach A came onto the pitch over the touchline and said "how was that not a free kick sir can you explain that to me" I ushered him off the pitch and said that it was just a coming together he told me that I was "****ing clueless and a crap referee" he told me " get out my sight or I will hurt you" he kept repeating that he would hurt me each time becoming louder and more aggressive towards me at which point I asked for his name he said why and I told him he was being sent off he told me to "**** off" I again requested his name which he replied "Archie" I noticed his first initial on his coat was not an A therefore I said what is your real name at this point he violently charged towards me saying that he was going to hurt me a player pushed him away and so I told him to leave he repeated "get out of my sight or I will actually hurt you and this isn't your pitch it's the home teams pitch so I'm not going anywhere " I now told him that if he didn't move immediately that the game will be abandoned so he stood behind barriers that were next to the pitch at which point I said you need to leave to vicinity just standing behind barriers isn't acceptable he told me "It's not your pitch you've sent me off I'm off the touchline I'm fine here idiot" at which point I blew to abandon the game.Ive never feared so much for my safety before especially when he said he was going to hurt me and at one point started to charge for me. After I got payment from the home team Coach B came up to me so I asked for Coach A's name as I had yet to be provided with it he gave me his name then informed me that they would be submitting a report against me. As I was walking off the pitch I noticed Coach A had come back onto the pitch from behind the barrier but because I feared for my safety I just left the area rather than approach him again. And I haven't had any real trouble in my games since well before Christmas
 

Kent Ref

Active Member
#2
I am sorry to read about what happened to you.

Speak to your league and make them aware of what happened.

Write your reports and keep then factual.

Keep going and don't let this idiot put you off.
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#3
You fought fire with fire and got burnt, and by sound of it, could have been burnt to a crisp
When the fire is burning, what should you do? You should get away! By your post, you went and danced in the flames
Far too confrontational.
At the point he is threatning you, sod getting his name, look after your safety, get to a safe place, other sideline? Get as many folk between you and mouthpiece as possible and get up the road

Nothing to be gained by stoking this fire.


Edit, you have actually been an assualt victim, after I read this again, police should have been called. Nevemind asking randoms on here. Police and your ref sec.
 

Alex Rush-Fear

Well-Known Member
#4
Hope you're alright Joe.

Couple of things for me:
- You need to take the player's name when cautioning/sending off. Yes there are rare occasions where this may not happen (player refuses to give it, quick red needed to prevent a situation escalating etc) but 9 times out of 10 you should be getting the player's name at the time, not asking round afterwards
- As Ciley's said, when faced with a person threatening to hurt you, why risk adding fuel to the fire by repeatedly asking for his name? Ask once, if he refuses/gives what you think is a false name, abandon the game, get out of there, make a note of what he's said and done afterwards once you're safe.

Well done for dealing with the idiot though!
 
#5
Suggestion: once you’ve sent a coach off, don’t talk to him anymore. He’s no longer part of the game. Talk to the remaining coach (who is more likely to behave n a reasonable way) that unless the dismissed coach leaves completely, the game will be abandoned. Let him (and in Youth games it might really be the parents) be the ones that persuade him to leave.

Suggestion 2: go back over at happened throughout the game and ask yourself what you could have done differently. I always find it helpful when I’ve had something bad happen to think through each step. I obviously wasn’t there and am merely reading your description, but as I picture what you wrote, I would have dismissed him a long time before you did. For example, if a coach in a youth tells me to get out of his sight, I might not dismiss on the spot, but we are either going to come to an understanding that his behavior is going to take a radical change for the better or he is done.

Don’t let one awful situation ruin reffing for you. Get support from real people (not just us anonymous typists on the web) to keep going.
 

JoeMaloney5

Well-Known Member
#7
Hope you're alright Joe.

Couple of things for me:
- You need to take the player's name when cautioning/sending off. Yes there are rare occasions where this may not happen (player refuses to give it, quick red needed to prevent a situation escalating etc) but 9 times out of 10 you should be getting the player's name at the time, not asking round afterwards
- As Ciley's said, when faced with a person threatening to hurt you, why risk adding fuel to the fire by repeatedly asking for his name? Ask once, if he refuses/gives what you think is a false name, abandon the game, get out of there, make a note of what he's said and done afterwards once you're safe.

Well done for dealing with the idiot though!
I did try and get the players name but the player told me to "f off" and jogged off the pitch so that's why I asked the coach to give me his name
 
#9
Joe I have to agree with Ciley, as soon as that threat of physical violence is made, blow whistle, abandon game and get away from the moron, seek the presence of others for support (prob the other team coaches) calling police is def an option
 

JoeMaloney5

Well-Known Member
#11
Joe I have to agree with Ciley, as soon as that threat of physical violence is made, blow whistle, abandon game and get away from the moron, seek the presence of others for support (prob the other team coaches) calling police is def an option
Yeah it's just in my 3 years of refereeing I've never had to abandon a game because of Coach behaviour at least I know for next time
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#13
I've never been to a referee association most refs I've spoken to up here Said it's a waste of time there is only 17 refs signed up to my local RA

There will be a ref dev officer? Association sec? Association manager?
You are surely a member of a county and they will have officers.
 

JoeMaloney5

Well-Known Member
#16
Telephone and speak to them

Am done with the advice on this one! Everything you need is a phone call away.
Nobody on here can assist tbh.
Ok that's fair enough mate. I was just simply sharing a match incident I've submitted my report if anything else is needed from me I'm sure my Local fa will get in contact
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#17
Ok that's fair enough mate. I was just simply sharing a match incident I've submitted my report if anything else is needed from me I'm sure my Local fa will get in contact
If you need advice, which by posting on here, i guess you do,you need to go to them
Thats how adult life works
Each association has folk in place to assist with the issues you faced.
Folk in USA, Oz, or Scotland, putting their oar in, wont benefit you.
The correct process would be to contact your assiciation before submitting a report, if you needed guidance with it.
Not reactive.
 

QuaverRef

I used to be indecisive but now i'm not so sure
#18
Pretty much as above really. Somebody who’s willing to threaten you in the way they have is unlikely to back down from a verbal argument. Once he’s threatened you, walk away and abandon the game. Don’t get into an argument about giving his name, and then accuse him of lying after. I’m not complaining about the way you dealt with it, it must have been a horrible experience and fair play to you for sticking to your guns, but sometimes it’s best not to rile them up further
 
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