Worst abuse and threats I have ever received.

U18 boys match. Local Watford friendly league.

Game was pretty much without incident. Couple of bookings for fouls. Pretty much in good spirit.

5 minutes to end keeper (away team) decides to be an idiot.
Ball coming in and I can see he can’t get to it from within his box and I’m positioning myself so i can see the penalty box line (by the CAR). He then clearly grabs the ball outside the box with his hands. I blow and apply a caution. He argues it’s not handball as his feet were inside the box.
The ball was so far outside the box, everyone saw it. Wasn’t even close.
He then proceeds to square up to my face and tell me to F off.
At this point I issue the red card.
Now he starts threatening to punch me. His team mates are dragging him off.
I’m writing stuff if my book, and I feel the ball hit me in the face hard. The keeper had thrown it at me.
Forgot to mention he refused to give me his name for the yellow.

End of match I go to my bag and I ask the manager for the players name. At this point a dad storms onto the pitch and calls me the c word and squares up to me very threatening. Follows me around the pitch shouting obscenities.
Manager just constantly apologising to me and says this is unacceptable.

I’m walking to my car and said dad drives past me(in his Lamborghini), drops the window and shouts at me some more abuse using some very colourful language. Security guard heard it and took a photo of his car.

I’ve never had this before. Maybe I’m lucky.

I’ve filled in all the reports on the whole game, and have written to the clubs.

The home team have instantly banned the away dad from their ground for any of their matches. Not yet heard from away team and the guilty party.

once again, I’m not looking for agreement with any of my actions, but happy for constructive criticism/advice. I’m here to learn. Just keep it civil please.

If you have reported the incident to the league and completed the misconduct and Extraordinary incident report, you have done all the necessary post-match.
At the time of the ball hitting you, did you see the goalkeeper throw it at you? That sort of detail is vital when it comes to a hearing.
Consider whether you needed to be that close after dismissing the goalkeeper or whether moving back for a "full picture" view may have been sensible(?) Writing down the details a minute or so later would have been a good way to slow the restart once it all calmed down and a replacement goalkeeper in place.
Glad you came out unharmed.

Sounds good to me, only potential point to consider would be to keep your eye on the keeper pretty much right through to the game restarting. You won't get caught by surprise by any violent conduct at least then

First off mate - are you ok? It might take a little while, it might not happen, but if the answer is no, please make sure you find someone you trust (refereeing related or not) and talk to them. I hope you also know we'll all back you on here too.

Now for the football.

Sounds like you've got pretty much everything spot on to me. The only question I have is when you say you have written to the clubs, what did you write?

Agree with everything said above about note-taking etc. but the dad has gone way too far here (as has the keeper to be fair). Just remember if it goes to a hearing that you aren't there to prove their guilt, just to give your side of the story.

Thanks. I wouldn’t admit it at the time, but I was genuinely afraid I was about to get punched by a dad.

I didn’t see him do it, but everyone else did. You are right that it’s important to note that I didn’t personally see it.

Pwizardo said:

First off mate - are you ok? It might take a little while, it might not happen, but if the answer is no, please make sure you find someone you trust (refereeing related or not) and talk to them. I hope you also know we'll all back you on here too.

Now for the football.

Sounds like you've got pretty much everything spot on to me. The only question I have is when you say you have written to the clubs, what did you write?

Agree with everything said above about note-taking etc. but the dad has gone way too far here (as has the keeper to be fair). Just remember if it goes to a hearing that you aren't there to prove their guilt, just to give your side of the story.

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Thanks. As I said, I was actually a little shaken by the threats.
The club security called a duty manager and asked me to notify their club as they will be filling their own report. (They witnessed the abuse in car park)

What happened in the match is for the fa, but the dad and the car park clubs should clamp down on.

if you were put in fear of immediate unlawful violence (sounds like you were) then dads conduct could also be a matter for the police.

hope you are ok.

El__Juez__ said:

if you were put in fear of immediate unlawful violence (sounds like you were) then dads conduct could also be a matter for the police.

hope you are ok.

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I was thinking of making a complaint with the police, but not sure if that’s the correct action.

Firstly, hope you’re physically and mentally ok.

Some things that sprang out, and please don’t take them as criticism because under the circumstances I understand stress, adrenaline etc.

Eyes on the players rather than writing stuff down immediately after a sanction. Deal with, note, restart.

No need to contact either club following a match. Report all the facts to FA and/or competition as necessary.

Ensure discipline goes through WGS to your county and not just Full-Time.

FirsFox40 said:

Firstly, hope you’re physically and mentally ok.

Some things that sprang out, and please don’t take them as criticism because under the circumstances I understand stress, adrenaline etc.

Eyes on the players rather than writing stuff down immediately after a sanction. Deal with, note, restart.

No need to contact either club following a match. Report all the facts to FA and/or competition as necessary.

Ensure discipline goes through WGS to your county and not just Full-Time.

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Yeah. I see my mistake there and people saying the same thing. I appreciate all advice. As I said I’m here to learn. I think I was just wasn’t expecting anything more. He was being dragged off.
I’m actually thinking about a ref body cam for the future.

Ori said:

Yeah. I see my mistake there and people saying the same thing. I appreciate all advice. As I said I’m here to learn. I think I was just wasn’t expecting anything more. He was being dragged off.
I’m actually thinking about a ref body cam for the future.

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As far as I know, body cams are still not approved for use. They were/are in a trial phase for specific leagues throughout the country. So I’d clarify you are okay to use one before you go down this route, as it could cause you all sorts of problems.

It’s sad, but this is something that happens far too often. Hence the reason the Cardiff referees have gone on strike.

Hope you’re okay as can be! Report the facts. That’s all you can do.

Hey ori, hope you're well mate.

That is an unacceptable situation and I hope you have support. If not please reach out!

Ori said:

I’m actually thinking about a ref body cam for the future.

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If so: ensure they are permitted in your competition(s).

Sorry to hear about your experience, the action by the keeper should be deemed assault on a match official so he should be facing a lengthy spell out of the game. The CFA can't do anything about the parent other than hold the club to account for him.

Curious on one thing though, you say that as well as filling in the reports you have written to the clubs. What do you mean by that, what have you written to them?

RustyRef said:

Sorry to hear about your experience, the action by the keeper should be deemed assault on a match official so he should be facing a lengthy spell out of the game. The CFA can't do anything about the parent other than hold the club to account for him.

Curious on one thing though, you say that as well as filling in the reports you have written to the clubs. What do you mean by that, what have you written to them?

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I wrote to the home club who asked me to as the security saw what happened in car park and wanted it recorded with the club. As it’s private property they are looking to ban the dad from any of their pitches and they are legally entitled to do so.

I haven’t written to the away team club, but they will get all that from the FA.
The manager of the offending dad was so apologetic and I think he knows his club is in trouble.

The one thing I’m really proud of myself is that I didn’t react to any of it. I didn’t swear back. I didn't insult. It’s very easy to lose one’s cool and fire back some choice words.

The one question I have to myself is was I right to book the keeper in the first place?
It wasn’t DOGSO, but he did stop a corner by deliberately handling the ball outside the box. From listening to his argument he believed that so long as his legs are inside the box he can handle the ball outside the box.
Regardless on if I got the booking correct or not, his reaction is unacceptable obviously.

Ori said:

U18 boys match. Local Watford friendly league.

Game was pretty much without incident. Couple of bookings for fouls. Pretty much in good spirit.

5 minutes to end keeper (away team) decides to be an idiot.
Ball coming in and I can see he can’t get to it from within his box and I’m positioning myself so i can see the penalty box line (by the CAR). He then clearly grabs the ball outside the box with his hands. I blow and apply a caution. He argues it’s not handball as his feet were inside the box.
The ball was so far outside the box, everyone saw it. Wasn’t even close.
He then proceeds to square up to my face and tell me to F off.
At this point I issue the red card.
Now he starts threatening to punch me. His team mates are dragging him off.
I’m writing stuff if my book, and I feel the ball hit me in the face hard. The keeper had thrown it at me.
Forgot to mention he refused to give me his name for the yellow.

End of match I go to my bag and I ask the manager for the players name. At this point a dad storms onto the pitch and calls me the c word and squares up to me very threatening. Follows me around the pitch shouting obscenities.
Manager just constantly apologising to me and says this is unacceptable.

I’m walking to my car and said dad drives past me(in his Lamborghini), drops the window and shouts at me some more abuse using some very colourful language. Security guard heard it and took a photo of his car.

I’ve never had this before. Maybe I’m lucky.

I’ve filled in all the reports on the whole game, and have written to the clubs.

The home team have instantly banned the away dad from their ground for any of their matches. Not yet heard from away team and the guilty party.

once again, I’m not looking for agreement with any of my actions, but happy for constructive criticism/advice. I’m here to learn. Just keep it civil please.

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With the player being dragged off and the manager apologising, it seems like the players has a regular attitude problem and I feel like most referees have been in similar situations as you have. As a team one of the players or even the manager should have warned you about the players behaviour so the fact that you didn’t know him at all, I feel you handled that really well.

Nothing wrong at all from your part. Also kudus the security guard for taking a picture of his car, love to see what happens to him next.

Ori said:

It’s very easy to lose one’s cool and fire back some choice words.

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Is it?

Regarding the caution: go through Law. Did he stop a promising attack? Was it unsporting behaviour? etc

FirsFox40 said:

Is it?

Regarding the caution: go through Law. Did he stop a promising attack? Was it unsporting behaviour? etc

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You know what I mean. It’s easy to react in the moment.

For the yellow, it was to prevent a corner and a player was chasing him down. It’s 100% unsporting conduct though.
I’m comfortable with my decision and im nitpicking at myself looking for things I could do differently.

So far my main concern is observe the incidents more before taking notes. All appreciated support and comments guys so a big thank you.

Ori said:

For the yellow, it was to prevent a corner and a player was chasing him down. It’s 100% unsporting conduct though.
I’m comfortable with my decision and im nitpicking at myself looking for things I could do differently.

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This bit I’m not convinced on and came up in another thread. Simply hand balling it is not unsporting behaviour.

Below are the handling offences that can lead to a caution under unsporting behaviour. Under which one are you cautioning?


handles the ball to interfere with or stop a promising attack, except where the referee awards a penalty kick for a non-deliberate handball offence

denies the opposing team a goal or an obvious goal-scoring opportunity and the referee awards a penalty kick for a non-deliberate handball offence

handles the ball in an attempt to score a goal (whether or not the attempt is successful) or in an unsuccessful attempt to prevent a goal
There is a vague bullet of point of ‘showing a disrespect for the game’; but in what way have they disrespected the game?

If they handled it to prevent a corner, all they have done is give them a free kick. So it would be a very specific situation for it to be denying a promising attack. If ever.

Ok. That’s interesting.
Firstly deliberately catching the ball is disrespectful to the game. He also thought he would get away with it and stop a corner or the opposing player getting to the ball. At that point he is stopping a promising attack with a deliberate handball.
Would have been DOGSO had it been more central.

However, regardless…..can’t react like he did. Even if I was 100% wrong, you can’t react like that.

The manager has pleaded his case with me on the grounds that he has issues.