A&H

On a hiding to nothing

Tealeaf

Lighting the darkest hour
Staff member
Posting this as part-self help, part-request for suggestions and part-reference material for others when you have a game like this. If you haven’t had something like this already in your career you will, believe me.

On an absolute hiding to nothing today, and just couldn’t do anything about it.

Wasn’t 100% on my game so not my best performance of the season but not helped by:

- Multiple use pitch with 9-a-side markings confusing everyone even though they were blue.

- Very low sun for much of the first half making visibility difficult.

- Two teams where if I said the sky was blue, they’d find the tiniest white blob and claim it was cloudy.

- Supply league level player who does six or seven step overs, gets challenged and doesn’t shut up whinging he’s been fouled.

- Said player does this every time he’s on the ball

- When attacking both sides were *never* challenged fairly. “Always” fouled by their opponent and vice versa. When defending *every* challenge was fair and never a foul.

- Club line has a strop after being overruled on a throw (partly because he too busy chatting so wasn’t looking) and playing on from offside when the ball is in the keepers hands and it launches a counterattack “I’ve flagged! You’ve got to give it! No point me being here!” *tantrum* 🙄

Nothing worked today, toughed it out and did the best I could in the circumstances but left me wondering. What do you do in this scenario and does it help?

I’ll have another one like this one day and maybe I’ll read something that can help me turn it around for myself at least.
 
The Referee Store
As you said, we all have them. Not a lot I can give a seasoned referee. There has to be a a point in game that you tell yourself "snap out of it, focus, you can bring this back under control. You are the boss here" In most cases you know what to do. Its just a matter of following through. When you have one of those days this is unlikely to work but give it a try. Otherwise, tough it out as you did, go home, have cold one, reflect, and start again the next day.
 
Last edited:
I've had a few of those games, thought I'd had a mare too. Relief when I finally blow for full time then get players saying thanks ref, you had a great game there
 
Sounds tough. What card count did you end up at?

I didn’t actually - the worst thing was the club line’s tantrum. Everyone else was just difficult, rather than dissenting. Obstinate shall we say if I risk sounding like a schoolteacher.

Poor game all round really. Just couldn’t get any sort of rhythm going for myself and never felt on top of myself let alone the game.

Very frustrating.
 
Had a bit of a nightmare game last Sunday, OA mens, 2 teams I'd not reffed before in the 3rd round of a cup. One travelled around 25 miles but major roads so wasn't a bad journey, anyway transpired the away team had won the cup a few times, they lost this match though, 3-1. Only had 2 sot as I recall being told by home team.

But the level of general verbal from both teams players and staff was higher than I was used to, slightly below my acceptance level, I probably should've shown a few cards to shut people up but I've a high tolerance, had CAR's, the away team were reluctant to pay me but did, in the end I've worked out they were just sour they'd lost, as I got a call the next day from the home manager, seems genuine, told me he thought I'd had a relatively good game, which I felt I had at the time.

You win some, you lose some.

Just head up to next game.
 
With the usual 'fair tackle', 'that's ok' comments, but if that's not working then a sharp blast and a discussion with the latest moaner usually helps all players to focus and stop larging it. If it still continues, maybe a word with the captains. Out of interest, what were your instructions to the CAR at the start of the game, or was it an interchangeable one? I used to have a word with the CAR each time he changed, in part because it showed to the players that it's an important role, and also to tell the CAR I want ball in/out, good signals and if he thinks someone's offside, wait til he challenges/kicks the ball/gains an advantage and then raise the flag. I may give the thumbs up because it's gone through to the keeper. Oh, and I'll do all fouls.
 
With the usual 'fair tackle', 'that's ok' comments, but if that's not working then a sharp blast and a discussion with the latest moaner usually helps all players to focus and stop larging it. If it still continues, maybe a word with the captains. Out of interest, what were your instructions to the CAR at the start of the game, or was it an interchangeable one? I used to have a word with the CAR each time he changed, in part because it showed to the players that it's an important role, and also to tell the CAR I want ball in/out, good signals and if he thinks someone's offside, wait til he challenges/kicks the ball/gains an advantage and then raise the flag. I may give the thumbs up because it's gone through to the keeper. Oh, and I'll do all fouls.
I dont like a public word with both captains. Screams of I am losing control to me. Maybe a quiet word to each one... Look get Control of your players before I have too.
I do however like bringing the captain in with his player and addressing the captain, look, balls in your court, you deal or my only next option is to start using cards.

@Tealeaf Chin up. Try and have a think what it was that you feel wasn't working for you today and think how you can mitigate that in future.
It sounds to me, if there were no cards that perhaps there possibly should have been?Constant low level chirping ultimately amounts to full dissent. Much like multiple careless challenges become a caution.
Stepped approach. And if you have to just pick one, so be it.

In any event you need to dissect this one, then put it away ready for the next game. Its a new game. New teams. New start. The next game will be better.
 
I've used a public word with both captains once.

Someone shouted abuse at one of my CARs accusing him of cheating.

Obviously I knew which team shouted the abuse, but couldn't id the player, so got both captains in and told them what I'd heard and that i wasn't 100% on who said it.

I told them in no uncertain terms that any abuse directed at either CAR would be dealt with the same way as any abuse directed at me.

Had the desired effect, there wasn't a peep said to either CAR for the rest of the game, and it didn't negatively impact my match control.

However, this was a very specific reason and I wouldn't recommend that it be used just because it's a bit of an ugly game.
 
I dont like a public word with both captains. Screams of I am losing control to me. Maybe a quiet word to each one... Look get Control of your players before I have too.
I do however like bringing the captain in with his player and addressing the captain, look, balls in your court, you deal or my only next option is to start using cards.

@Tealeaf Chin up. Try and have a think what it was that you feel wasn't working for you today and think how you can mitigate that in future.
It sounds to me, if there were no cards that perhaps there possibly should have been?Constant low level chirping ultimately amounts to full dissent. Much like multiple careless challenges become a caution.
Stepped approach. And if you have to just pick one, so be it.

In any event you need to dissect this one, then put it away ready for the next game. Its a new game. New teams. New start. The next game will be better.
I agree on having the captain in with the offending player, then making it clear that anything further from anyone will be dealt with. I tend to make it very obvious so that way it applies as a warning to both sides.

Only time I’ve brought the captains in together was after a mass con, and I made it clear that it was A) to make sure they both knew that my tolerance level for further shenanigans was pretty low and B) to give everyone another 30 seconds or so to calm down, when the players start bleating about “getting on with it” they are back in the mindset of playing the game and not getting involved with each other.
For dealing with dissent I’d never get both captains in together...
 
If it still continues, maybe a word with the captains.

Hah, last time I did that one of the captain's used the opportunity to give me some dissent so I sent him off (second caution).

It did, however, shut both teams up for the rest of the match.

Nothing worked today, toughed it out and did the best I could in the circumstances but left me wondering. What do you do in this scenario and does it help?

I might be wrong, but you probably have had those matches before and dealt with them perfectly each and everytime. Perhaps the only reason it went to hell this time around was because they managed to worm their way behind your mental defences? Maybe it was something done in the pre-match prep, maybe it was something that happened in the week leading into the match, a distraction or tiredness, whatever it is, your guard wasn't fully up and once they got in it just spiralled?

I dunno how to advise on dealing with it though, everytime I've had one of those type of matches there's nothing that seems to fix it, because I'm already at a disadvantage and already know I'm behind the curve on the day, so I'm just playing catch up at that point. Plus confidence gets knocked and so on. I usually just chalk those matches up as crap experiences and try and endeavour to start fresh the following week.

Usually a good performance the next weekend makes me soon forget about the negative experience.
 
Back
Top