A&H

Junior/Youth Major incident with parents & coaches

TravisW12

TravisW12

Member
CONTEXT: This was an Under 9s cup game, I am a 15 year old going on the course in 2020.
Blue = Home team
Red = Away team

The game itself within the first half was quite calamatious and lots of 50/50 challenges and decisions, most of which were going Blue's way, because that's how I saw the majority of the fouls. I heard the occasional comment from Red's parents and coaches but nothing major.

Towards the end of this part of the game, a challenge had gone in, which looked fine to me, and Blue went on the counter and nearly scored. I hadn't realised the player was still down and was injured. Cue some shouting & abuse from coaches the from Red's side, but the game restarted with a goal kick and we got underway. One of the Blue players then scored, heading it in on the line as a bit of a joke (showboating). Goal was given and was fine. Then all of a sudden one of Red's players decided to throw the ball at the Blue players head, which hit his face.

Then there was absolute pandemonium, with Reds parents verbally abusing me shouting ''really, you f*cking c*nt'' and things like that. Red's coach did then say to the parent not do that. After that however, the coaches from both Red and Bluestarted arguing, with the game ready to restart. I spoke to both of the players involved in the incident, and went over to the head coach of blue (Blue coach) asking what she thinks I should do. I was going to originally give a sin bin, but it wasn't so much dissent, however, the Red coach thought I had given it and began shouting at me saying "You're so ridiculous, you don't give sin bins to 9 year olds!" and saying how "He is a qualified referee and observer." and could still hear other parents shouting and verbally abusing me, whilest coaches were arguing amongst themselves.

The mother of Red's child then went to Red's technical area and begun shouting at both me and Ali. I said to the head coach of Blue I was thinking abandonment would be the best choice, however before I could do anything like that, the coach brung all the players off and decided to forfeit the game, me and other club officials went over to the Red coach, attempting to explain what I saw and how I am still a very new referee, he was not having any of it and made a few more comments towards me and Blue's coach.

Reds then left the pitch and the game was abandoned.

What do you think I should've done differently?
 
The Referee Store
Just remember, you have done nothing wrong, the situation is not your fault in any way.

This is unacceptable behaviour from the coaches and parents.

Don’t let it put you off refereeing. It’s very rare.

Good luck with doing the course.

Well done for trying to keep the game going on this case and for asking for advice on here. It’s great that you are open and question.
 
TravisW12 said:
CONTEXT: This was an Under 9s cup game, I am a 15 year old going on the course in 2020.
Blue = Home team
Red = Away team

The game itself within the first half was quite calamatious and lots of 50/50 challenges and decisions, most of which were going Blue's way, because that's how I saw the majority of the fouls. I heard the occasional comment from Red's parents and coaches but nothing major.

You gave what you saw, no problem there.

Towards the end of this part of the game, a challenge had gone in, which looked fine to me, and Blue went on the counter and nearly scored. I hadn't realised the player was still down and was injured. Cue some shouting & abuse from coaches the from Red's side, but the game restarted with a goal kick and we got underway. One of the Blue players then scored, heading it in on the line as a bit of a joke (showboating). Goal was given and was fine. Then all of a sudden one of Red's players decided to throw the ball at the Blue players head, which hit his face.

Provided it wasn't a head injury, play on and deal with it when the ball next goes out of play.
Shouting and abuse from the touchline is unacceptable and sounds as though it needed a warning from the coaches to relay to parents etc that you are not having it.
There is nothing in the laws to prevent showboating, but at U9's I would be having a word.
Clear sending off for the red player

Then there was absolute pandemonium, with Reds parents verbally abusing me shouting ''really, you f*cking c*nt'' and things like that. Red's coach did then say to the parent not do that. After that however, the coaches from both Red and Bluestarted arguing, with the game ready to restart. I spoke to both of the players involved in the incident, and went over to the head coach of blue (Blue coach) asking what she thinks I should do. I was going to originally give a sin bin, but it wasn't so much dissent, however, the Red coach thought I had given it and began shouting at me saying "You're so ridiculous, you don't give sin bins to 9 year olds!" and saying how "He is a qualified referee and observer." and could still hear other parents shouting and verbally abusing me, whilest coaches were arguing amongst themselves.

At that point, call the coaches over and tell them that they have a minute to shut themselves and their supporters up or the game gets abandoned and will be if you hear any more abuse.
Just make sure that get everything reported to the league and speak to your CRO.

The mother of Red's child then went to Red's technical area and begun shouting at both me and Ali. I said to the head coach of Blue I was thinking abandonment would be the best choice, however before I could do anything like that, the coach brung all the players off and decided to forfeit the game, me and other club officials went over to the Red coach, attempting to explain what I saw and how I am still a very new referee, he was not having any of it and made a few more comments towards me and Blue's coach.

Reds then left the pitch and the game was abandoned.

What do you think I should've done differently?
Click to expand...
Ouch....
 
The guys above have given good advice. I would definitely report everything you can remember to County FA. Include names if you have them and the specific wording used towards you as well.

There is absolutely no way that ''really, you f*cking c*nt'' is acceptable to be thrown at a referee let alone a trainee referee let alone a 15 year old and I would agree that abandonment would be the way forward for your safety- if you are even contemplating it it is likely that you have reached that point. This is under 9s for heavens sake - abandonment would also send them the message that they have been completely out of order. Don't allow anyone to convince you to change your mind once you have decided to abandon..

Talk to your County FA and your League and see what additional support they can give - if they can send someone to your next game so you can talk things through in person and have support.
 
TravisW12 said:
CONTEXT: This was an Under 9s cup game, I am a 15 year old going on the course in 2020.
Blue = Home team
Red = Away team

The game itself within the first half was quite calamatious and lots of 50/50 challenges and decisions, most of which were going Blue's way, because that's how I saw the majority of the fouls. I heard the occasional comment from Red's parents and coaches but nothing major.

Towards the end of this part of the game, a challenge had gone in, which looked fine to me, and Blue went on the counter and nearly scored. I hadn't realised the player was still down and was injured. Cue some shouting & abuse from coaches the from Red's side, but the game restarted with a goal kick and we got underway. One of the Blue players then scored, heading it in on the line as a bit of a joke (showboating). Goal was given and was fine. Then all of a sudden one of Red's players decided to throw the ball at the Blue players head, which hit his face.

Then there was absolute pandemonium, with Reds parents verbally abusing me shouting ''really, you f*cking c*nt'' and things like that. Red's coach did then say to the parent not do that. After that however, the coaches from both Red and Bluestarted arguing, with the game ready to restart. I spoke to both of the players involved in the incident, and went over to the head coach of blue (Blue coach) asking what she thinks I should do. I was going to originally give a sin bin, but it wasn't so much dissent, however, the Red coach thought I had given it and began shouting at me saying "You're so ridiculous, you don't give sin bins to 9 year olds!" and saying how "He is a qualified referee and observer." and could still hear other parents shouting and verbally abusing me, whilest coaches were arguing amongst themselves.

The mother of Red's child then went to Red's technical area and begun shouting at both me and Ali. I said to the head coach of Blue I was thinking abandonment would be the best choice, however before I could do anything like that, the coach brung all the players off and decided to forfeit the game, me and other club officials went over to the Red coach, attempting to explain what I saw and how I am still a very new referee, he was not having any of it and made a few more comments towards me and Blue's coach.

Reds then left the pitch and the game was abandoned.

What do you think I should've done differently?
Click to expand...


If it wasn't U9, but slightly older - the action would have been RC for the red player for violent conduct and a YC for the Blue (for USB - is being a d1ck) - but the goal would stand.

The kids want to be like their heroes (?) on TV, so let's give them the full experience of it
 
lincs22 said:
a YC for the Blue (for USB - is being a d1ck) - but the goal would stand.

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I know this is going sideways from the OP, but why would the goal stand? If you are cautioning for USB for something that happen d before the ball crosses the goal line, why would you consider the goal valid instead of giving the IFK for th misconduct?

Back to the OP. @TravisW12 —first, this is a prime exam0,e of things wrong in sports—it’s not just England and it’s not just soccer. ThI parent phenomenon is a curse on kids sports, and is often worst at these young ages when parents haven’t learned to behave. Completely agree on abandoning here. And apologies on behalf of the Game that you had to put up with this.

Here are some hints you might want to think about—like all advice, consider it and see what is and isn’t helpful:

*When you have a contentious game, it can help to call more fouls. Lower the bar for what a foul is, and it can sometimes help calm and cool the game. (You can increase the effect by slowing down the restarts from the fouls—take a moment to ask the fouler to be more careful.)

*when both sides (with older players that means the players, with younger players it can mean the coaches) are complaining about fouls, it can be a sign that your foul bar is too high for this game, and your match control will be improved by lowering the bar and calling more fouls. You’ll get more of a feel for this as you do more games.

*when you see an antagonizing play like the heading, get near the players. Others are less likely to do something stupid if you’re near, so you can shut it down before it escalates

*in my view, a player who throws a ball at an opponent is done, regardless of age. In many places in the US, it is customary to not show the card, but to tell the player and coach the player is sent off. (Others wil more subtly show the card—in either case the idea is that the youngest players may be unduly embarrassed by the public showing of the card. I’d suggest you talk to a local mentor about expectations.

*dont ask coaches what they think you should do. You undermine yourself when you do that, especially as a young referee. I know it’s tough (I started reffing even younger than you are), but you have to make the decision.

I’d also echo some of the excellent advice above. Report everything. Everything! And do try to get a mentor to come out. You can get some good advice on here (and some bad advice, too...), but nothing will compare to what you can get from someone good actually watching you.
 
TravisW12 said:
After that however, the coaches from both Red and Bluestarted arguing, with the game ready to restart. I spoke to both of the players involved in the incident, and went over to the head coach of blue (Blue coach) asking what she thinks I should do.
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Everyone else has given good advice, so I'm going to nitpick on this one for you;

Don't ask the coaches opinion on an incident, it creates the impression that you're unsure/unconfident or don't know the correct procedure. If I put myself in the shoes of the red coach, I would be thinking that you are biased because, as you say;

1. Decisions have been going against me (which is fair enough, no issues here as a referee, it happens sometimes.)
2. An incident has occurred and now from my POV you're in cahoots with the blue coach asking them for advice.

You want to try and look impartial as much as you can.

Don't take this as me saying you're not impartial, we know you are, you're a referee and you're doing the best you can. But in future, try and consider how an action might look for all parties when you do it, especially as you've identified that one team might not be too happy with the way decisions are falling.

Next time, don't ask for advice, just make the decision and enforce your decision. If you get it wrong, doesn't matter, you can learn about that post-match, but at the time, make and enforce it and sell it as if you're correct, which you will be 99% of time.

Outside of that, I think everyone else has given good advice on the cards and crowds etc. I just thought I'd butt in on this bit, assuming I've read it correctly. :)
 
@TravisW12 A lot of good advice above. I am summing up a few here i think are very important.

* Very important not to blame yourself for any of this. You are a new referee and still learning. Everyone should expect you will make mistakes. Every referee does. Even the ones in the world cup.

* This must be reported to the County Safeguarding Officer. These parents and coaches should not be allowed to do this to another young referee which they may well do if they are not reported. Report everything.

* Never hesitate to abandon a game if there is sustained abuse and you feel intimidated or unsafe.

Out of the advice given to improve your game, I particularly like the one about lowering your tolerance for fouls.
 
socal lurker said:
In many places in the US, it is customary to not show the card, but to tell the player and coach the player is sent off. (Others wil more subtly show the card—in either case the idea is that the youngest players may be unduly embarrassed by the public showing of the card. I’d suggest you talk to a local mentor about expectations.
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In my view if the players are old enough to 'showboat' and retaliate with violence, I am taking the cards out no matter how old.
 
I ref under 8's (my son's team) as a favour and to save the team money which can be put towards 3g pitches in the winter. I haven't had any problems with parents so far but I'm twice as old as you and normally ref adults so I tend to be very firm with my whistle and confident with my decisions. This will come for you in time.

However, I also see a lot of younger refs at this age group and everyone one of them cannot blow their whistle. You build respect as a ref by the way you are perceived by others. If you look weak with your decisions and lack authority then you'll invite behaviour from this by idiots.

I had a similar issue with a player going down on Sunday. My suspicion was that he wasn't injured but I left him down while the other team finished their attack and then blew up as soon as the defending team had possesion so I could give them the drop ball. The kids safety comes first but also you cannot justify the kids play acting if they lose possession. I a real tough one but if you sell it correctly then hopefully everyone will be happy.

For your next game, perhaps ask your RDO if someone can come and watch you to give you some tips and also some moral support. After an experience like that I'm sure you'll be a bit apprehensive about the next one so perhaps this will help?
 
Well done for posting mate.

Its really good to hear you're looking at ways you can improve your game.

As many have said nothing here is your fault and this incident would most likely have happned if you, me or Mike Dean were in charge.

If you felt unsafe at any time then abandon the game, my personal view (im almost 30 years older than you) would have been to give the mouthy manager a red card and have him removed from the playing area and nearby surroundings.

Keep working hard, keep posting on here and the very best of luck going forward.
 
if and i do mean IF the idiot who was giving you grief really is a qualified referee the comments from him need reporting
 
So sorry for you that the game turned out this way Travis. Nobody (let alone a youngster just starting out) should have to endure that sort of rubbish.
Red card for the kid who threw the ball at their opponent's face and then, based on what you've written - abandon the match anyway. Football is a game and it's meant to be fun for all (parents and coaches included). Blot it from your memory and look forward - that's if this experience hasn't put you off it permanently...
 
jofusref said:
if and i do mean IF the idiot who was giving you grief really is a qualified referee the comments from him need reporting
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Because if the CFA charge him, he will be banned from all football for that period if found guilty - including being able to referee matches.
 
@TravisW12 first thing to remember is that idiots like this are actually a tiny minority of people involved in the game.

The vast majority of people involved in the game, certainly at youth and grassroots level are honest, decent folk who give up a lot of time, effort and in many cases money to support the clubs they are representing.
Whilst you’ve had an awful and unacceptable experience, please don’t for a minute think that this is the norm.

I hope you will pick the whistle up again in the future and not be deterred by this!
 
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