A&H

Mental Health

zarathustra

RefChat Addict
I wasn't sure where to post this, so mods please move if necessary.

The match i was supposed to be refereeing this afternoon kicked off about five minutes ago, and unfortunately I had to pull out at the last minute, I actually called the league secretary from my car whilst sat in the car park at the local received where the match is taking place, luckily they were able to find a last minute replacement.

I appreciate that the title of the thread might be a bit ambiguous, however, at the risk of "outing myself", I will share a bit of personal history.

I served in an infantry regiment of the British army from 2002 - 2014. In 2007 I was injured during a tour of Afghanistan, and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD and Depression.

The physical injury healed, with a bit of left over nerve damage, and over time the symptoms of the PTSD reduced, however the depression remained, eventually leading to me being medically discharged.

I manage my condition well, I rarely drink, and when I do never to excess, I take my meds and have counselling etc when needed.

It had never affected my refereeing before, until october/November time last year, when I saw the Dr and things improved, and I finished my refereeing for 2016 on a high.

However, despite feeling fine this morning, but by the time I got to my match at 13:00 I was in serious clip, and I was in no fit state to referee a game of football, so I phoned the league secretary and explained the situation, and he was great, got everything sorted out with a replacement, and then called me back to make sure I was ok, and to let me know that I am part of the league family.

I'm probably going to cry off my Sunday game when I get home (I'm still sat at the rec in my car at the moment), and as I believe it extremely unlikely that I'll be able to get my games in for promotion I'll also be emailing my RDO to withdraw. Though I will try again next season.

All of this waffle leads to the point of my thread, what are people's experiences of things like depression in grass roots football, either as a sufferer or as a friend or relative of a sufferer?

How does it affect your refereeing, and how do you manage/cop with it?

If you have had to inform someone such as a league about the issues how did they respond?

Or just any other comments people would like to make, either on the thread or via PM.

I would like to finish by saying refereeing has helped me with certain aspects of my condition, such as confidence, fitness, something that gets me out of the house and not to mention the friends I made through refereeing.
 
The Referee Store
I'm afraid I can't really help you, but I would like say "Thank you" for:

  1. Serving us, you country
  2. Having the courage to publicly confront your difficulties.
Mental health issues will affect many of us as we pass through our lives, for too long it has been a taboo and unspoken subject.

Best wishes, my thoughts are with you.
 
Thanks, I was in two minds about starting this thread, and whilst not looking for sympathy I was curious how others get around it whilst being active referees.

I am in a much better place now, I very rarely have problems, but when it is a sudden thing like today it's normally over very quickly.

I am awning on doing my match tomorrow, I feel up to it, and getting back on the horse as soon as possible is essential.
 
I would doubt any of us are any way qualified to offer any worthwhile advice in this area. Only you would know the complications suffered and I would hope that you are receiving the professional advice from our wonderful NHS. As a UK citizen I applaud you for your service, as a fellow referee I hope you can get back on the horse asap and keep well...
 
I suffer with severe anxiety & depression.

Believe it or not, my refereeing has helped with my anxiety massively! Built my confidence up massively.

As for depression, fortunately it hasn't been as bad as it has been the past few years recently, however if I feel I have had a poor game it really gets to me, and makes me feel lower than the average refereeing should.

I've had to bail out of a game once or twice due to either a panic attack before and or not being in a fit state of mind. Really not easy to referee when you suffer from mental health problems, so my thoughts and respect are with you on that!
 
I like on a newish estate in Sheffield which was built on the grounds of The Old Sheffield Asylum. I had the displeasure of visiting the old Victorian hospital in the early 90s before it shut. A family friend got schizophrenia and was under their care. I walked around a bit and was taken aback by the drugged up patients walking around in pyjamas, stereotypical on the film with Jack Nicholson.
Now, its all gone and i'm sure that treatment and drugs have moved on in leaps and bounds, at one point there was a complete misunderstanding of battle conditions and they had some very agricultural ways of treating such illnesses. I'm no expert but i assume that the care received comes in the form of tablets and consultations? Best of luck and thanks for being open and honest, that takes balls! :)
 
I suffer with severe anxiety & depression.

Believe it or not, my refereeing has helped with my anxiety massively! Built my confidence up massively.

As for depression, fortunately it hasn't been as bad as it has been the past few years recently, however if I feel I have had a poor game it really gets to me, and makes me feel lower than the average refereeing should.

I've had to bail out of a game once or twice due to either a panic attack before and or not being in a fit state of mind. Really not easy to referee when you suffer from mental health problems, so my thoughts and respect are with you on that!

Thanks for sharing, I also found refereeing helps with the anxiety aspect as you get more confident etc.

I also noticed that a bad game, or a perception that I enjoy had a bad game would get to me a bit more.
 
Whilst I don't suffer myself, I know of several friends who have and also family members.

A lot of focus is placed on physical injury preventing officials from performing their duties but the mental side are equally as important.

You should never put yourself in a position where you attempt to officiate when mentally you are not in a position to do so. It's simply not fair to anybody, let alone yourself. So we'll done on doing the right thing.
 
Well I decided to get back on the horse and did my game this morning, and I'm glad I did, had an excellent match with plenty of hand shakes and good game refs from both sides.

Only had to give about 6 free kicks, and only had 1 red for a player who called one if his team mates a c**t, but there were no complaints.
 
Good to see you got back in there quickly. I think you were right to come off your game yesterday; football's just a game but your well being is much more important.
 
Apologies - wrong thread. Sorry to hear you couldnt make your game yesterday. Excellent you got back on it today. Sounds like today went well which is only good for confidence booster.
 
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@zarathustra im sorry to hear your story. Despite two tours of Afghanistan, I came away unscathed and unaffected. But, a number of my colleagues weren't so lucky. Whilst I can't directly relate to how you are feeling, I can certainly understand it.

You absolutely done the right thing by coming off your game. If you are not up to it psychologically, it's likely that the game would have had a negative affect on you. I'm very glad to hear you got back over the white line today and had a good game.

You state that you are being cared for by the NHS. Have you considered talking to any of the fantastic charities that are available to you on a more military basis? Combat Stress for example? I really feel that you could benefit from it. Whilst the NHS are very good, Combat Stress will enable you to talk to people who know exactly how you feel and what you have been through.
 
Thought I'd post in here again rather than start a new thread.

Unfortunately things have been a bit up and down so far this year, as a result (combined with the weather) my 7-6 promotion is a write off as I'll fall 3 games short of the 20 needed.

I did have a chat with my RDO and explained the situation and that I would be a few games short, he said he'd speak to the referees committee, but he obviously can't promise anything.

I'm lucky the ref sec for my Saturday league has been really understanding and supportive.

I'm seeing the Dr next week, and I've asked the league if I can just do assistant appointments for a few weeks to allow for the change in meds etc to kick in.
 
Thought I'd post in here again rather than start a new thread.

Unfortunately things have been a bit up and down so far this year, as a result (combined with the weather) my 7-6 promotion is a write off as I'll fall 3 games short of the 20 needed.

I did have a chat with my RDO and explained the situation and that I would be a few games short, he said he'd speak to the referees committee, but he obviously can't promise anything.

I'm lucky the ref sec for my Saturday league has been really understanding and supportive.

I'm seeing the Dr next week, and I've asked the league if I can just do assistant appointments for a few weeks to allow for the change in meds etc to kick in.
i know how horrible depression is, you take it easy and come back to refereeing when your head is in a better place
 
Thanks, it's frustrating and I hate feeling like I've let people down, but I know that football is just a hobby and I need to look after myself first and foremost.
 
Thought I'd post in here again rather than start a new thread.

Unfortunately things have been a bit up and down so far this year, as a result (combined with the weather) my 7-6 promotion is a write off as I'll fall 3 games short of the 20 needed.

I did have a chat with my RDO and explained the situation and that I would be a few games short, he said he'd speak to the referees committee, but he obviously can't promise anything.

I'm lucky the ref sec for my Saturday league has been really understanding and supportive.

I'm seeing the Dr next week, and I've asked the league if I can just do assistant appointments for a few weeks to allow for the change in meds etc to kick in.

Keep your head up mate, while I suffer neither symptom; I lost someone very dear to me at the turn of last year. It was a hard time and refereeing the support I got from my group my RDO, helped me. So if you enjoy it stick with it mate. We all have a bad day at the office. Massive respect to you, as for your promotion and missing the 20 games mark. I find that for just 3 games that's a bit harsh seeing at that level the decision solely rests with the CFA. Assuming that your assessments were starisfactory, they can make an exception.
 
Well, I'm pleased to say that things are starting to improve slowly.

The refsec for my Saturday league agreed to only assign me lines this month while my new meds start to kick in, so I'll be getting about 5 semi finals in.

Had my first middle yesterday since my meds were increased (women's semi final), and aside from a twinge in my calf just before half time which slowed me up a touch, I have already noticed an improvement.

I'm more confident, better at communication, not doubting my decisions etc.
 
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