A&H

Falling out of love of refereeing

L

ladbroke8745

RefChat Addict
Have to say, after a game I done in April, I was close to calling it a day then but my partner and a refereeing friend of mine talked me out of it because I love doing it.

But, after only doing 1 game between then and last weekend, I must admit I wish I stuck with my "retiring" choice.
Last weekend, I was "criticised/abused" by players, aged just 12/13, after hearing the sidelines continuously do it. Basic mirroring effect. Sent a player off for an off floor lunge yards from his team coaches and parents but apparently him winning the ball meant it was perfect challenge even if he was close to breaking a leg. But the complaints from the sideline mirrored on the pitch before I could even send the player off.

Today, another youth match, another player sent off and again it's my fault. It's my fault the player kicked a passing player off the ball. It's my fault he called him a few names. It's my fault his team conceded four goals, scoring once. Sent coach away after listening to criticism of every decision I gave, or didn't give, and, with only a few minutes left, he then shouts at me that I'm useless and should keep up with play (I'm closer than he is making out, especially for being on my own in a lump in long style game). I've asked him to quietened down or leave. He refused to do either so I sent him off, giving him no choice to leave.
His comments were becoming more personal (I've left out certain words from here) which is what led to his dismissal).

I honestly feel I could be doing better things on my weekends these days.
 
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ladbroke8745 said:
Have to say, after a game I done in April, I was close to calling it a day then but my partner and a refereeing friend of mine talked me out of it because I love doing it.

But, after only doing 1 game between then and last weekend, I must admit I wish I stuck with my "retiring" choice.
Last weekend, I was "criticised/abused" by players, aged just 12/13, after hearing the sidelines continuously do it. Basic mirroring effect. Sent a player off for an off floor lunge yards from his team coaches and parents but apparently him winning the ball meant it was perfect challenge even if he was close to breaking a leg. But the complaints from the sideline mirrored on the pitch before I could even send the player off.

Today, another youth match, another player sent off and again it's my fault. It's my fault the player kicked a passing player off the ball. It's my fault he called him a few names. It's my fault his team conceded four goals, scoring once. Sent coach away after listening to criticism of every decision I gave, or didn't give, and, with only a few minutes left, he then shouts at me that I'm useless and should keep up with play (I'm closer than he is making out, especially for being on my own in a lump in long style game). I've asked him to quietened down or leave. He refused to do either so I sent him off, giving him no choice to leave.
His comments were becoming more personal (I've left out certain words from here) which is what led to his dismissal).

I honestly feel I could be doing better things on my weekends these days.
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Some teams don't deserve to have a ref at all.
 
Reading that makes me think in your shoes, I'd be speaking to the managers before the game and saying that verbal abuse will not be tolerated, set a low bar. If you need to bring a card out after 5 minutes for it, so be it. Tell them you will consider abandonment if you managing participants verbally/issuing cards doesn't have the desired effect.

And report to the league and CFA.

Set your stall out before the game. Then they can't be surprised when you do take action.
 
Good advice above to manage some expectations in advance.

If it’s a local/league/cultural thing - are there other referees you can speak to? Is there a pattern, is it a few teams, one league, some young refs, some last week’s refs.. can you get support, make colleagues aware and act as a group?
 
santa sangria said:
Good advice above to manage some expectations in advance.

If it’s a local/league/cultural thing - are there other referees you can speak to? Is there a pattern, is it a few teams, one league, some young refs, some last week’s refs.. can you get support, make colleagues aware and act as a group?
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I don't know if it's about last week's refs as they had a player suspended today, and it's still early season.
The league has previous issues but they are getting far better especially with discipline, but the older age groups, I feel some of the teams just don't care.
 
I didn't touch the youth League this year. I'm sticking with academies and open age.

The academies have an excellent attitude. They don't really care about winning, just having a free flowing game. While the open age are just a bit less hormonal like the youths are.

Not regretting my choice so far.
 
People above have spoken about having a word with the teams etc…

To be honest I don’t think that’s useful advice and doesn’t make you enjoy your games more.

If you’re feeling the way you are, the best thing to do is take some time off or do fewer games. I always do the same when I’m going through a period of not enjoying it - I’ve blitzed through games at the start of this season and I’m going to aim to do max 2 a month until November / December just to try and up that enjoyment level. Good luck and I hope you’re able to come back to it feeling refreshed and excited for it.
 
alexgr said:
People above have spoken about having a word with the teams etc…

To be honest I don’t think that’s useful advice and doesn’t make you enjoy your games more.

If you’re feeling the way you are, the best thing to do is take some time off or do fewer games. I always do the same when I’m going through a period of not enjoying it - I’ve blitzed through games at the start of this season and I’m going to aim to do max 2 a month until November / December just to try and up that enjoyment level. Good luck and I hope you’re able to come back to it feeling refreshed and excited for it.
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Thankfully we've no games for a few weeks anyway.
But I get what you are saying.
 
ladbroke8745 said:
Having slept on it, I'm going to address it by taking less games for now. See how I am in a month's time. See if I can bring enjoyment back.
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If there is an Academy near you, try to get involved there.
If not, consider men's or women's football as alternatives to youth football.
If you do have a rest, your local Mentor/ Coaching Secretary would love to hear from you . . .
Keep the faith!
 
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