A&H

Can’t please everyone!

OnlyUseMeWhistle

OnlyUseMeWhistle

RefChat Addict
Level 4W Referee
I know the “you can’t please everyone” line has been drilled into me for two seasons now but I still found myself doubting my decisions and ability if one team was particularly miffed at the end.

Finally got over that midweek with a local derby/top of the table clash, finished 2-2 with one yellow for dissent. Captain of the away team, which was happy with a draw because it kept them above the home team, shakes my hand and said “cheers ref but some of your decisions were ****e”.

I knew she mostly meant the yellow card since there hadn’t really been any KMIs, maybe a couple of missed advantages? But I’d also done very well to spot a non-penalty against them so felt they should’ve been feeling like they got a balanced display.

Got back to the changing room with a feeling of “**** it, if that game doesn’t please the team that got a result and at worst a sin bin that had no impact, then their opinion can be disregarded.”

I still take on board the feedback, because I’m not above mistakes, but thought any relatively new refs might relate to this feeling and might benefit from knowing at some point you get past it.
 
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1. Usually when I blow the final whistle, I know whether it's gone well or not. I think most referees are the same. Trust that gut feeling. It's usually going to be right regardless of the feedback of players, coaches or fans who only know the LOTG basics.

2. It can be helpful to post places like this and have the support of other referees. Mostly just nice to hear you're not alone and this happens to all of us. It's happened to me! You're not alone.

On to the next one :)
 
They see a completely different game to us. Every 50/50 (& 60/40) in their eyes is theirs. So everyone you don't give them is a mistake.

Common for both teams to be frosty when I'm dishing out handshakes on the final whistle.
 
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After a while you realise that you can’t rely on teams or coaches to provide fair assessments or validation of your performance. I used to agonise over the feedback provided but now realise that everyone has their own reality / agenda and some people will say / do anything to shift blame and ignore their own errors / failures on the pitch. I know I make mistakes every game but I also know that I work hard, act fairly, and always have the best interests of the game at heart. It is good to review and reflect upon each performance but it is best not to spend too much time hanging on the words of others, unless they are independent observers of the game that you respect - like on this forum…
 
My epiphany was earlier in the season doing a Western League AR. Level 4 ref I the middle being observed and a L5 as the other AR. Came off the pitch to dogs abuse from players, coaches and fans.

Observer came in a few minutes later. "Well done lads, nailed it".
 
OnlyUseMeWhistle said:
I know the “you can’t please everyone” line has been drilled into me for two seasons now but I still found myself doubting my decisions and ability if one team was particularly miffed at the end.

Finally got over that midweek with a local derby/top of the table clash, finished 2-2 with one yellow for dissent. Captain of the away team, which was happy with a draw because it kept them above the home team, shakes my hand and said “cheers ref but some of your decisions were ****e”.

I knew she mostly meant the yellow card since there hadn’t really been any KMIs, maybe a couple of missed advantages? But I’d also done very well to spot a non-penalty against them so felt they should’ve been feeling like they got a balanced display.

Got back to the changing room with a feeling of “**** it, if that game doesn’t please the team that got a result and at worst a sin bin that had no impact, then their opinion can be disregarded.”

I still take on board the feedback, because I’m not above mistakes, but thought any relatively new refs might relate to this feeling and might benefit from knowing at some point you get past it.
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You can’t please all of the people all of the time, you can only please some of the people some of the time.

By all means take onboard feedback, but don’t wind yourself up too much over it. Some players will actually give you some really good feedback, but most will waffle as pundits do.

Think of the problems/thoughts as a balloon. It will linger for a little while, but will slowly drift upwards and away
 
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