A&H

Horrible game

A

al_2113

New Member
Level 7 Referee
Hello,
I wanted to seek tips and advice on how to deal with having a horrible game. It was a men's game of a regional category in which i was probably getting assessed. The away team are fighting for promotion, whilst the home team were 4th and playing for nothing with 2 matches remaining. I just felt from the start that I had no control, I just suddenly felt horrible inside, like no feeling i had ever had, with mental blockage. The game finished 1-4 to away team, but I had numerous penalty calls and card appeals, especially from home team, which were saying that i was going to get suspended after the match because of favouring the away team(not true) and that it was a historical robbery. I felt like i had just done the worst performance of the season. At the end of the game, no assessor came to talk to me but i dont know if i was assessed or not. Before the game, I was one of the favourites to be promoted because of my good performances, but now i think this match has screwed up all my chances. How do i deal with it? It is my first year refereeing adult(men) games and have no assistants. I am destroyed and was crying a lot after the match.
 
The Referee Store
First of all, don't worry about it. We've ALL felt like that on more than one occasion.

I'm out of the loop ever so slightly these days, but an observer/coach (or whatever they're going by these days) should make themselves known to you- unless I'm really really out of the loop. So if you haven't heard anything, I'd doubt you were observed.

The losing team in such circumstances will look to blame you, as it looks like they've maybe blown the league. That's not to say you performed particularly badly, so as I said earlier, don't worry.

The team are under no circumstances going to have you suspended, so definitely don't worry about that bit! :)

It's hard to offer constructive advice without knowing or seeing the ins and outs, but I'd bet my house that your performance was no way near as bad as you're thinking. Clubs and players will try and get in your mind.

Best piece of advice I ever received; players aren't your mates. Thats not to say they're the enemy, but they will use you to their own advantage. Remember that.

Chin up. We go again.
 
Last edited:
al_2113 said:
Hello,
I wanted to seek tips and advice on how to deal with having a horrible game. It was a men's game of a regional category in which i was probably getting assessed. The away team are fighting for promotion, whilst the home team were 4th and playing for nothing with 2 matches remaining. I just felt from the start that I had no control, I just suddenly felt horrible inside, like no feeling i had ever had, with mental blockage. The game finished 1-4 to away team, but I had numerous penalty calls and card appeals, especially from home team, which were saying that i was going to get suspended after the match because of favouring the away team(not true) and that it was a historical robbery. I felt like i had just done the worst performance of the season. At the end of the game, no assessor came to talk to me but i dont know if i was assessed or not. Before the game, I was one of the favourites to be promoted because of my good performances, but now i think this match has screwed up all my chances. How do i deal with it? It is my first year refereeing adult(men) games and have no assistants. I am destroyed and was crying a lot after the match.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear that it has affected you so badly. At the end of the season many games are important in respect of promotion and/or relegation for one or both teams, which creates tensions, often before the start.
If you are a Level 7 in England, you are not "assessed" but may be watched by a Match Day Coach, who must tell you in advance that they are going to attend, and must chat after the game (plus often at half time)
There are no "favourites" for promotion as each individual's case is based on the Match Day Coach reports, plus the other 7 to 6 requirements.
If you have any more games, why not ask a local senior referee to come along to watch you? Their season has ended, so they should be available to help.
Ignore the nonsense that the home club came out with.
Most importantly - keep going!
Good luck!
 
What country do you referee in? Maybe that could help someone here point you in the right direction of who can support you locally?

However - refereeing is an international thing. That means we’ve all had sh*t, no matter what country were in. Sometimes you will to walk off the pitch and just feel totally awful, even if you think back on every incident and think you got it right. That’s how it is - it’s the psychology of it.

I’ll echo the above post. The losing team will very often blame you, and very often, just to play down their own failings that caused the loss.

They might make you feel like crap, but please don’t let them win! Football needs referees like you. Ones who reflect, then reach out for advice - because if we can’t criticise ourselves, who can?

Take your time, sleep on it, speak to friends and family and make sure you are feeling okay in other aspects of your life - and when you’re ready, go again!

This forum is always here for your support!

You’ve got this 😍
 
First, I hope you have someone you can trust you can talk to. It might have been a traumatic experience, so talking calmly with someone you trust could help.

We all beat ourselves up about matches. But don’t panic. Players unfortunately will always try to challenge you and undermine you - if they are given the chance. That is normal. A lot of refereeing as you move up adult mens football is how to handle the players, how to remain credible, when and how to engage - and how to keep control.

And if it was that easy we’d all be Collina and on TV!

Take your time to revisit the match. Can you pinpoint a key moment in the match, a decision or incident when the players challenged you? Or can you remember how more than one player started chipping away at you? This idea of “low level dissent” is good to think about, to recognize and, next time, to act on. It’s not easy though - and it comes with more matches and growing your confidence.
 
ChasObserverRefDeveloper said:
Sorry to hear that it has affected you so badly. At the end of the season many games are important in respect of promotion and/or relegation for one or both teams, which creates tensions, often before the start.
If you are a Level 7 in England, you are not "assessed" but may be watched by a Match Day Coach, who must tell you in advance that they are going to attend, and must chat after the game (plus often at half time)
There are no "favourites" for promotion as each individual's case is based on the Match Day Coach reports, plus the other 7 to 6 requirements.
If you have any more games, why not ask a local senior referee to come along to watch you? Their season has ended, so they should be available to help.
Ignore the nonsense that the home club came out with.
Most importantly - keep going!
Good luc
ChasObserverRefDeveloper said:
Sorry to hear that it has affected you so badly. At the end of the season many games are important in respect of promotion and/or relegation for one or both teams, which creates tensions, often before the start.
If you are a Level 7 in England, you are not "assessed" but may be watched by a Match Day Coach, who must tell you in advance that they are going to attend, and must chat after the game (plus often at half time)
There are no "favourites" for promotion as each individual's case is based on the Match Day Coach reports, plus the other 7 to 6 requirements.
If you have any more games, why not ask a local senior referee to come along to watch you? Their season has ended, so they should be available to help.
Ignore the nonsense that the home club came out with.
Most importantly - keep going!
Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you for your supportive message. Just to clarify that I am not from England, but from Spain, so I would say I am equivalent to a level 7 from what ive read. Here, the assessor(or whatever u wanna call it) usually does make himself known and speak to you after the game . The reason I felt i was being watched was because for the past few weeks, other referees have been assessed in that same ground I was reffing at. In addition, I said i was favourite for promotion because I have been doing really good games for the past couple of months and I have been getting called up for a lot of important and decisive games . Hope that helps clarify things better and thank you again.
Click to expand...
 
santa sangria said:
First, I hope you have someone you can trust you can talk to. It might have been a traumatic experience, so talking calmly with someone you trust could help.

We all beat ourselves up about matches. But don’t panic. Players unfortunately will always try to challenge you and undermine you - if they are given the chance. That is normal. A lot of refereeing as you move up adult mens football is how to handle the players, how to remain credible, when and how to engage - and how to keep control.

And if it was that easy we’d all be Collina and on TV!

Take your time to revisit the match. Can you pinpoint a key moment in the match, a decision or incident when the players challenged you? Or can you remember how more than one player started chipping away at you? This idea of “low level dissent” is good to think about, to recognize and, next time, to act on. It’s not easy though - and it comes with more matches and growing your confidence.
Click to expand...
Thank you for replying. I just felt like the dissent and shouting started from the very start of the game. I just had a very bad game and did not deal with it correctly. Also, some players implied that I had seen fouls committed on them but had not called them on purpose, which is not true, as I just had a very bad day, and was just probably missing calls I would not have missed on another day.
I would also like to point out that I just turned 18 recently, so dealing with adults on the pitch is not easy for me, especially when they behave like toddlers. Thank you again for replying.
 
george.g said:
What country do you referee in? Maybe that could help someone here point you in the right direction of who can support you locally?

However - refereeing is an international thing. That means we’ve all had sh*t, no matter what country were in. Sometimes you will to walk off the pitch and just feel totally awful, even if you think back on every incident and think you got it right. That’s how it is - it’s the psychology of it.

I’ll echo the above post. The losing team will very often blame you, and very often, just to play down their own failings that caused the loss.

They might make you feel like crap, but please don’t let them win! Football needs referees like you. Ones who reflect, then reach out for advice - because if we can’t criticise ourselves, who can?

Take your time, sleep on it, speak to friends and family and make sure you are feeling okay in other aspects of your life - and when you’re ready, go again!

This forum is always here for your support!

You’ve got this 😍
Click to expand...
I deeply thank you for your message. I spoke to my dad after the game as he was there watching it and he said that I didnt do particularly bad. Of course, I dont believe him because he said this as I was crying a lot and I think it was just to try and make me feel better. Also, I have personal situations in my family that I had to deal with recently so going out there and dealing with older players(im just 18) that behave like children just adds stress to my mind.
 
santa sangria said:
First, I hope you have someone you can trust you can talk to. It might have been a traumatic experience, so talking calmly with someone you trust could help.

We all beat ourselves up about matches. But don’t panic. Players unfortunately will always try to challenge you and undermine you - if they are given the chance. That is normal. A lot of refereeing as you move up adult mens football is how to handle the players, how to remain credible, when and how to engage - and how to keep control.

And if it was that easy we’d all be Collina and on TV!

Take your time to revisit the match. Can you pinpoint a key moment in the match, a decision or incident when the players challenged you? Or can you remember how more than one player started chipping away at you? This idea of “low level dissent” is good to think about, to recognize and, next time, to act on. It’s not easy though - and it comes with more matches and growing your confidence.
Click to expand...
Right now I just wanna step down and hang the whistle for a while, but I know I must keep going for the last few weeks of the season, thinking that it cant get any worse than this match. THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE
 
Runner Ref said:
First of all, don't worry about it. We've ALL felt like that on more than one occasion.

I'm out of the loop ever so slightly these days, but an observer/coach (or whatever they're going by these days) should make themselves known to you- unless I'm really really out of the loop. So if you haven't heard anything, I'd doubt you were observed.

The losing team in such circumstances will look to blame you, as it looks like they've maybe blown the league. That's not to say you performed particularly badly, so as I said earlier, don't worry.

The team are under no circumstances going to have you suspended, so definitely don't worry about that bit! :)

It's hard to offer constructive advice without knowing or seeing the ins and outs, but I'd bet my house that your performance was no way near as bad as you're thinking. Clubs and players will try and get in your mind.

Best piece of advice I ever received; players aren't your mates. Thats not to say they're the enemy, but they will use you to their own advantage. Remember that.

Chin up. We go again.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you all for your supportive messages. Its currently 3am here and I cant sleep just thinking about the match. Today I have to ref two consecutive u18 games and right now that is the last thing i wanna do, especially with low confidence and no sleep. Im not one to make excuses or step down from a challenge so I will do these games no matter what(i wish I had AR in any of my games yo feel less lonely but here u only have them in the top division of the region. Again, please keep talking if u can so that I feel less alone but thank you all.
 
Hey Al,

Most of the time getting straight back into things is a great palate cleanser.

Just make sure you learn from your last game. As everyone said, it is the end of the season and tensions are high. But you need to be in a position to learn. However, don't make too many changes at once.

Sounds to me handling dissent, is something you might need to work on. Just setting out expectations to players and taking action if it is needed.

There is some great posts on here that have helped me in this area.

refchat.co.uk

Difficulty managing Open Age games

Hey up lads, As the title suggests, some of my open age games begin to disastrously get out of hand and I dont understand how to bring them back under control. It tends to happen after some form of decision in which it affects the opposing team a lot, for example a disallowed goal. They tend to...
refchat.co.uk refchat.co.uk

Have a read of @RefRyanAus post on the above link.

Good luck.
 
The positive is, that you are reflecting and can see that there were errors in your performance. I would be more worried if you came on here thinking you had a really good game, but couldn't understand where you went wrong. Try not to beat yourself up to much about it. As said already, we've ALL been there. You can't change the past, so just take note of what you could have done better and focus on the next match. All the best, buddy
 
Said many times elsewhere but do take the chance to work as AR yourself. Seeing refs a few levels higher, learning their tools, avoiding their mistakes, great for your confidence!
 
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